Don’t Show Off! – Conversations with Stella

Stella:    Lady Human! Who are those dogs on the Picture Box?

Me:        That’s the Westminster Kennel Club Show. I recorded it.

Stella:    Do they know that the green they are prancing around on is not real grass.

Me:        They probably don’t care.

Stella:    Someone will care if they go to the bathroom on it. Somebody’s going to be mad that their green carpet isn’t green anymore. Look! It’s a bulldog. Look! He threw up! Hahahahahahaha! This is a good show!

Me:        Stella, that’s not funny. He was trying to make a good impression on the judge.

Stella:    He made a good impression on me. He didn’t miss a step. True bulldog. Wait! Judge? There’s a judge? Like judges on the Picture Box who send humans to jail? Are they sending the dogs to jail? Noooo!

Me:        Not that kind of judge. This show is a contest.

Stella:    Like the Super Bowl?

Me:        Sort of, but there is no physical contact. Thank God. I would hate to see how that would turn out.

Stella:    Easy. Bulldogs win.

Me:        Not necessarily. And there is no prize money at this dog show. The winner gets a ribbon or something and the honor of being named Best of Breed or Best of Show.

Stella:    Why is that dog standing on a table? Is that a white-coat human?

Me:        A vet? No, that is a judge, and not the jailing type judge. Each breed has set standards and that judge is checking the dog to see how well he meets those standards.

Stella:    That’s mean, Lady Human. Comparing dogs based on how we look. We can’t help that, even though that one there is very good looking. I bet humans don’t have contests comparing their looks.

Me:        Oh, you’d be surprised…

Stella:    Don’t ever put me in one of those show-off shows, Lady Human.

Me:        Don’t worry, Stella. I couldn’t if I wanted to.

Stella:    What? Why not? Don’t you think I am pretty enough?

Me:        It’s not that.

Stella:    What? You think that I can’t run around fake green grass in circles like a silly nilly and smile and smile and tilt my head and be all like ‘aren’t I the cutest thing’?

Me:        Oh, I know you can do that, especially the silly nilly part.

Stella:    Then why?

Me:        You are an Olde English Bulldogge.

Stella:    I am Queen.

Me:        Well, queen or not, ‘Oldies’ are not recognized by the American Kennel Club. Yet. That means you can’t even get into the contest.

Stella:    What do you mean ‘not recognized’? LOOK AT ME! I AM THE BULLDOGGIEST BULLDOG EVER! How could they not recognize me?

Me:        It’s hard to explain. It has to do with pedigree and bloodlines and paperwork.

Stella:    Precisely why humans should not be judging dog shows. Dogs should.

Me:        The dog shows are human events.

Stella:    Like everything else. Phufff.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Don’t Show Off! – Conversations with Stella

    1. Thinking about it today, I realize that the AKC would be hard pressed to set a consistent standard for the OEB breed. Stella looks more English, but her sister, Snoopey, looks more American Bulldog. I never saw their sire and dam though so I don’t know who favored whom. There is the International Olde English Bulldogge Association and they are registered with them. The IOEBA is working to get the Oldies’ standards set so that maybe one day the AKC will recognize them. But it”s like my son said. The whole thing is confusing and it is mostly done for the humans’ sakes. Olde English is an attempt to make that branch of the bulldog breed healthier and longer lived.

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    2. Oh, a neighbor gave me a possible solution for coprophagia (poop eating) if Zoey is still having an issue. I have not tried it yet. Let me know if you are interested.

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