Set in Our Ways – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that you are doing, Lady Human? What is in your hand?

Me: Well, it’s your food bowl.

Doodlebug: It’s not my food bowl. My food bowl is always over there, ready when I want it.

Sweetie: Yeah, what are you trying to do, ma’am? Confuse us? Leave well enough alone.

Me: His food bowl comes close to getting spilled every time I walk through here.

Doodlebug: Then don’t walk through here. Walk through there.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t move my food bowl. How will I find it in the dark?

Me: Uh, the same way you find everything else in the dark?

MoonCat: Hmmm. Questionable.

Sweetie: We are set in our ways. If it ain’t fixed, don’t break it.

Me: I think you mean “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

Sweetie: That’s what I said.

Doodlebug: We like the way we have things set up. If you go changing the setup, no telling what might happen.

Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human, we might go changing your set ways. Then where might your food bowl end up.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Turn Off the Heater – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Once again, something is wrong.

Sweetie: Lady Human! You forgot to turn your heater machine off!

Me: The heater is not on. It has not been on for months and months.

Doodlebug: Then humans must have fouled something else up.

Me: Oh, no doubt.

MoonCat: Meow. They are complaining because it is hot and their silly bulldog faces are steamy.

Me: That’s why I have set fans all around and the ceiling fans are going full blast along with the A/C window unit.

Sweetie: Not good enough.

Me: Well. I can add some ice cubes to your water.

Doodlebug: Yes, do that, please. What flavors do you have?

Sweetie: Make mine cheese flavored.

MoonCat: Make mine tuna cubes.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Change a Thing – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is different. I don’t like it.

Sweetie: My chair! My big blue chair! It was over there where it belongs and now it’s over here where it doesn’t belong.

MoonCat: Meow. Why, oh why, Lady Human?

Me: It’s a small adjustment.

Sweetie: Small nothin’!! I used to be able to walk there. Now I have to move over two steps.

Doodlebug: And there won’t be as much room to track mud into the room now.

MoonCat: But if you are sitting there, Lady Human, you will be closer when I eat and we can talk.

Sweetie: Closer to the cat’s food? Oh, yeah! I see that now. Never mind. Leave it in its new spot. Since it’s my chair anyway, I can help MoonCat with her leftovers.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tyranny of the Clock – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie, Queen of all dogs everywhere.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: Why haven’t y’all eaten your food?

Doodlebug: It was served way too early.

Me: I brought it at the same time I bring your afternoon meal every day. 3 p.m. The clock doesn’t lie.

Sweetie: Clock? What is “clock” and why is she telling me when to eat?

Me: A clock tells time in hours, minutes, and seconds.

MoonCat: Meow. Sounds complicated.

Doodlebug: Yeah, my stomach tells me when to eat. Simple.

Me: Well, the clock tells me when to do things. It’s a tyrant.

Sweetie: Another weird human word. What is a tyrant?

Me: A tyrant is an oppressor that orders everybody else around.

Doodlebug: Oh, why didn’t you say so? I understand now.

Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human! It’s a perfect description of you. You’re a clock!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

A Bob-what? – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something’s wrong. Lady Human! There’s a weird scent on the air!

Me: Yeah, Tall Man just told me he heard a bobcat growling nearby. Heads up!

Sweetie: A cat named Bob? Who would do such a thing? And we already have a cat around here so…nope!

Me: A bobcat is a wild animal, way bigger that a house cat like MoonCat.

MoonCat: Yeah, leave me out of this. I do not now nor have I ever associated with wild cats of any size. And not about to start.

Doodlebug: I can deal with it.

Me: No, sir, you can’t. Bobcats climb fences and they hunt small animals.

Sweetie: Well, I’m not small so that leaves me out.

Me: Not really. I say again, Heads up! I’ll be going outside with you for the time being. It will probably move on back into the trees by the creek. It won’t like the presence of humans.

Sweetie: So you are good for something, Lady Human! I knew we would find out what it was sooner or later.

Doodlebug: I still don’t know why someone would name a cat “Bob”.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Write Out Loud! – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug. King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you doing, Lady Human?

Sweetie: She is scratching a poor innocent piece of paper with her stick again.

Me: It’s called ‘writing’. I put words down on the paper in ink so they can be read.

MoonCat: Words? I don’t hear anything except the scratching. Does the scratching make you feel better? Scratching makes me feel better.

Me: Uh, different type of scratching. I guess it makes me feel better to get the words out.

Doodlebug: Sorry, Lady Human, but no words are coming out.

Sweetie: Yeah, I don’t hear a thing either.

Me: Well, scratching…I mean writing…is silent until it’s read or recited.

Sweetie: That’s kind of selfish. You should share.

Me: How would I share while I’m writing?

The Pack: WRITE OUT LOUD!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

“Hey!” is Not My Name – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. DOODLEBUG. Or Doodle. Or Good Boy. Or Your Majesty. NOT “Hey!” That is for horses and goats.

Sweetie: And “Hey!” is not my name either. I answer to Sweetie, or Good Girl, or Suppertime, and that’s it.

MoonCat: Meow. And there’s no sense in calling me at all. I’LL CALL YOU!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

A Gaze vs. A Stare – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What are you staring at, Doodle?

Doodlebug: I am not staring.

Sweetie: Them eyes of yours are set in a fightin’ mode!

Me: Settle down, both of you. I think Doodlebug is just gazing in your direction. A gaze is not a stare.

Sweetie: When eyeballs are set on me, how am I supposed to tell the difference?

Me: A gaze is softer than a stare. Like the way you’re both looking at me now.

MoonCat: Meow. None of y’all know anything about a stare. Now THIS is a stare!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mucking out the Stall – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.

MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.

Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.

Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!

Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.

Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…

Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.

Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…

Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.

Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Patience of the Pack- Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is lunch?

Me: Patience! Patience! Patience is a virtue.

Sweetie: Well, you don’t seem to have any so you should go buy some. NOW!

Me: OK, that’s what I’m talking about. Not everything needs to be hurried along or done right this instant.

MoonCat: Why not?

Doodlebug: We are a patient pack, Lady Human. When you are late with our lunch, we don’t eat yours, do we?

Me: I’m just getting some things off my list today. Next is grocery shopping.

Sweetie: Great! Be sure and buy enough patience for all of us to have some. Especially you.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Water Sampling – Conversations with Sweetie and MoonCat

MoonCat: Meow! Lady Human, someone…let me be plain…A BULLDOG HAS BEEN TASTING MY WATER!

Sweetie: Lady Human, let me be plain, the cat does it to us all the time.

Me: There is water all over the floor.

Sweetie: My face doesn’t exactly fit into a cat’s water bowl, so that’s to be expected. Why is it okay for her to do it when we are outside?

MoonCat: Because my face is small and I never spill a drop, said no bulldog ever.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Water Taster – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.

MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?

Me: What’s going on?

Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.

Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.

Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?

MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?

Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.

Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.

Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.

Me: What do you mean?

Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

Early Call – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!

Me: Do you all know what time it is?

Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.

Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!

MoonCat: Best time of day.

Me: Did you get this party started?

Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.

Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Beck and Call – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, where’s my snack?

Me: You ate it.

Sweetie: That was then. This is now.

MoonCat: And my water needs to be changed. It’s stale.

Me: It was changed 20 minutes ago.

MoonCat: Yes, that’s what I mean.

Me: I don’t even change my own water more often than every 20 minutes.

MoonCat: That is you. This is me.

Doodlebug: Lady Human!

Me: Yes?

Doodlebug: Nothing. Just making sure you were listening.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Who’s in Charge Around Here? – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Does that mean you are in charge around here? Because this place is very poorly run.

Doodlebug: Don’t blame me. I’m just the King.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t drag me into this.

Sweetie: Lady Human, no one seems to be in charge, so now I am taking over.

Me: Uh, I don’t think so.

Sweetie: Don’t worry. You can still stay here. I won’t rehome you.

Me: Oh, thank you so much.

Doodlebug: That tone of voice in humans means she is making fun.

Me: Being in charge is not all it’s cracked up to be. There’s cleaning and buying food and cleaning and grooming and more cleaning…

Sweetie: On second thought, I am appointing you to do all that stuff, Lady Human. I hereby declare naptime. It’s great being charge!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Trash Raiders – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I am Sweetie. ‘Nough said.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: You are probably wondering why I have called you all here today.

Doodlebug: No, not really.

Sweetie: Don’t care.

MoonCat: Meow. Because we all live here anyway?

Me: There is mess in the kitchen.

Doodlebug: Oooo, good! Let me at it.

Sweetie: A mess in the kitchen. So what else is new?

MonnCat: Meow. Nobody saw me do it.

Me: Noses need to stay out of the trash bag.

Sweetie: Uhb, trash bags should not be nose high then.

Me: There are nasty things in the trash that are not good for you to eat. We’ve gone over this before.

Doodlebug: Then how come nasty things smell so delicious?

MoonCat: And how come tunafish live in the trash?

Me: They don’t.

Sweetie: No, they don’t. Chickens do.

Me: No, that’s not true either.

Doodlebug: Nobody worry about what is living in the trash. I’ll just keep checking. My nose is on it

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Flying Stella, Squirrel Fighter – Welcome Back, Squirrels! – Stella’s Blog

Here I am again! Flying Stella, Squirrel Fighter, ready to right all wrongs and chase all squirrels!

Welcome back, Jerky McSquirrelyFace, you old rascal! Thought you could outsmart me, did you? Well…okay, you did outsmart me for a little while, but Lady Human discovered your trick and she let me in on where you have been hanging out.

And I hear that you have brought your girlfriend with you this time. The more the merrier. Wait! Does this mean that there will be a litter of puppy squirrels around here?

(Transcriptionist: Probably, but maybe not before next spring.)

 Noooo! No puppy squirrels!

(Transcriptionist: Baby squirrels are not puppies. They are kittens.)

 Double Noooo!!! How can that be? How can squirrels be cats?

(Transcriptionist: They are not cats. Their babies are just called kittens. Hey, I thought you were going to tell a Flying Stella story. This is more like one of our conversations.)

Silence, human!!

(Transcriptionist: If you want me to be silent, stop screaming and stop asking me questions. Save all that for another day.)

Cats, huh. I see their plan now. They are going to join up with Moon the Cat. She has probably been spying for them the whole time. Of course, Moon the Cat never goes outside so how does she pass messages to them? Perhaps by eye blinks through the windows. THAT’S IT! That’s how Jerky always knew where to be to rain nuts down on our heads. Moon the Cat warned him so he could be ready. Clever cat and clever cat squirrels.

(Transcriptionist: Nope.)

This is a terrible danger to the world of bulldogs. Cats on the ground and on top of furniture, counters, washing machines, and pianos. And cat squirrels jumping and climbing trees and fences, running, flying from tree to tree, not to mention scampering across rooftops like little scamps. And all in cahoots with each other.

Now more than ever I must hone my bulldog skills, especially flying.

(Transcriptionist: Since when is flying a bulldog skill?)

Stay alert, bulldogs! And you humans, too! I will keep you informed as the details of the cat/squirrel conspiracy unfold. Until then, I remain

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Two Long Ears and a Tiny Step of Faith

Our old rabbit, Moo-Moo, died today. She came to us because her previous owner, a 5-year-old boy, had an allergic dad. That was particularly sad because it was his dad who had gotten Moo-Moo for the boy to begin with.

They named her Moo-Moo because she was black and white and reminded the boy of a Holstein cow.

My daughter called me, hoping that I would be able to take the rabbit in. The request came at a bad time. I was minimally employed. The thought of taking on another expense twisted in my stomach. These were the pre-bulldog years, but still we had Susie the Welsh Corgi, Moon the part-Siamese cat, and a yellow parakeet named Buddy.

The boy’s father had checked with all the local shelters. No one had room for even one more bunny. My daughter said that the dad had built a three-story “condominium” for Moo-Moo (that’s bunny stories, not human stories -still pretty impressive). And the rabbit was litter box trained.

I was on my way home from one of my part-time jobs when my daughter called. I told her I would think about it and get back to her quickly, one way or the other.

The boy didn’t want to give the rabbit up. His heart was probably breaking. That’s all that I could think about on the drive home. How unhappy that would have made me. How he might be tempted to be angry with his father even though it wasn’t the father’s fault. How he might worry about where Moo-Moo would end up and what would happen to her.

What was the current price of rabbit food? Could I commit the room for a 3-story rabbit hutch? Did I need to take on another pet?

I did not know the father or the boy. I had never met either of them and I never have. I had no personal obligation to take on the animal or solve their re-homing problem.

And then I saw myself as the small, stingy, doubt-filled person I had become. If I couldn’t commit to take in a rabbit, a litter-trained rabbit with a 3-story condominium no less, what could I do? Before I even got home, I called my daughter back and told her Moo-Moo could come live with us. But, I added, be sure and bring the condo.

Being a rabbit, Moo-Moo was quiet though, early on, we almost renamed her “Thumper”. She expressed definite opinions about my volume level in the house. If I laughed too loudly at a comedy show or sang aloud, she thumped the floor of her condo violently. It was her rabbit version of an old-fashioned librarian putting her finger to her lips and shushing an unruly patron.

Among the bulldogs, Miss Sweetie had the closest rapport with Moo-Moo. They touched noses and carried on silent conversations. Miss Sweetie circled the rabbit condo with Moo-Moo keeping pace inside of it, a bulldog-rabbit race that went on until one or the other of them tired out.

Eventually Miss Sweetie would collapse with her back against the outside of the condo and Moo-Moo would skip up to the third floor of her rabbit home to take a rest.

It was Miss Sweetie who let me know that something was amiss this morning.  I had given Moo-Moo’s water and food a cursory look as I went about morning chores. Moo-Moo was stretched out as she usually was in the morning, right next to her nesting box on her condo’s third floor. About an hour later, Miss Sweetie had placed her paws on the condo and lifted herself up to sniff at Moo-Moo who had not shifted her position at all.

Miss Sweetie never reached up to the third floor because Moo-Moo always came down to her level to play. It was as though the bulldog was asking why her friend had not started their playtime.

And that’s when I knew.

I carefully picked up Moo-Moo’s body with Miss Sweetie watching. “She’s left. That’s all.” It was the only thing that I could think to say. Miss Sweetie looked at Moo-Moo and then walked away.

No one who lives on this earth avoids facing the fact of death.

Animals are sensitive to it. When my Corgi, Susie, died in our utility room while everyone was out of the house, our cat, Moon, would not walk into the room for the next 6 months. When one of our chickens died suddenly last spring, Snoopey, who always stays right beside me in the yard, would not approach the chicken run with me. She stayed far back, just watching.

That’s why I made sure that Miss Sweetie saw Moo-Moo as I took the body away. Moo-Moo was gone, but she didn’t just disappear. She left.

If I could, if I knew where the father and son who had to give up Moo-Moo were, I would let them know these things:

She lived a good, long time.

I think, I hope she enjoyed herself.

That 3-story rabbit condominium was genius and it held up well. She got lots of exercise jumping up and down the levels. It helped her stay healthy.

She had friends and at least one of them was a bulldog.

She laid down one night and peacefully went to sleep. She showed no pain. She felt no fear.

She will be remembered and she will be missed.

She helped me take a tiny step of faith which helped me take others.

And someday, we won’t experience death anymore.

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” Revelation 21:5 KJV

Amen.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cat Chasing Time – Where is the Cat? – Conversations with Stella

Here I am with Stella, the Olde English Bulldogges’ Queen…

Stella:    Where is the cat?

Me:         Excuse me?

Stella:    Where is the cat?

Me:         Chilling out in one of her many hiding places.

20160405_132957.jpg

Stella:    So where is the cat?

Me:        That’s for her to know and you to find out.

Stella:    That’s not funny. Is that a human game?

Me:        It was a long time ago.

Stella:    Why is the cat hiding? It is time for cat chasing.

Me:        Yeah, about that. That’s not really her favorite game.

Stella:    Why ever not? It is the most fun ever!

Me:        I have noticed something about that game that is a little odd.

Stella:    Like how I always win.

Me:        More like how you are the only one playing it.

Stella:    That is not correct. Bulldogs are cat chasers. We are all players. Whoop!

Me:        Whoop?

Stella:    Isn’t that what humans yell when they win?

Me:        Mmmmm. Not always.

Stella:    Where is the cat?

Me:        If this is a real game, you will have to find her.

Stella:    Not fair.

Me:        Of course it is fair. The cat’s hiding is part of the game. If the other bulldogs are playing, why can’t they help you find her?

Stella:    Well…to be honest, they are lazy. But you have suspected that for a long time.

Me:        No, they aren’t being lazy. They want you to play the game while they sit still and watch you run your rear end off. They bark and whine and get you all stirred up to search for the cat. Have you noticed that when they walk past the cat, they touch noses with her and there is no barking, no stomping, and no chasing? They leave that to you.

Stella:    Well…that is just…wrong! Grrrrrr! It makes me want to….

Me:        To tell the other bulldogs off?

Stella:    No, it makes me want to chase a cat. Go find me a cat to chase.

Me:        Nope. Find your own.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.