Big No-no! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh-oh. Lady Human, I just want to make it clear that I had absolutely nothing to do with the big…puddle on the floor.

Me: Uh, Doodlebug! What happened here?

Doodlebug: Nothing. Well, something, but it’s really nothing.

Me: You peed on the floor.

Doodlebug: It was an accident. I was aiming for that big bag and I missed.

Me: This is not like you. And thankfully, that bag is waterproof because it has your food in it.

Sweetie: Doodle! You tried to pee on our food?

Doodlebug: I was just leaving my royal mark. Hey, the cat gets to pee in the house.

MoonCat: Meow. Pardon me, but I have my own private restroom. I am not a barbarian.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Watched Pots – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is Lady Human?

Sweetie: She’s here in the food room, staring at a pot.

Doodlebug: Did the pot ask to be stared at?

Sweetie: Yeah, is it that good-looking, ma’am? Is it better looking than I am? ‘Cuz I don’t think so.

Me: No, I’m just heating some water to make tea.

Doodlebug: Does staring at it help?

Me: No, in fact, there’s an old saying about watched pots never boiling and…

Sweetie: Then stop it right now!

MoonCat: Yes, because I’m staring at my empty food bowl and it’s still not filling up.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tyranny of the Clock – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you all have fouled things up again.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

MoonCat: Meow. Dinnertime. Late. Fix it. Now.

Me: Well, I’ve been going by the time change, so, yes, I guess mealtimes seem late the last few days.

Doodlebug: Seem? There’s no seem about it. Where’s the food?

Me: Since it’s been getting a little darker earlier and the time changed, you all have been eating at different times so…

Sweetie: I’m not talking about what WE have been doing. I’m talking about what YOU have been doing. How come meals are late?

MoonCat: Meow. We have been patient.

Sweetie: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You humans have been fooling around with the sun again. Telling us when it will rise and when it will set.

Doodlebug: Yeah, as though you know!

MoonCat: I know this. Hungry. Food. Give it. NOW!

Outright 2023 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Guess Who’s Knocking! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I hear a noise that must be stopped.

Sweetie: It’s my friend, the chicken! She’s knocking at the patio door.

MoonCat: Nope. No more residents allowed in my house.

Me: Well, no chickens anyway.

Sweetie: What? No fair!

Me: Sorry, hon. Chickens don’t go well in a house. That’s why they have one of their own.

Sweetie: But she’s knocking. She wants to visit.

Me: I tell you what. Go on out and visit with her awhile.

Doodlebug: Yeah. Do that. Whatever it takes to stop that noise.

Me: Maybe we should give her a name.

Sweetie: There’s only one that fits. Tappy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Part 2 – Conversations with Doodlebug

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Have you reconsidered your hesitancy about your new sleeping pad?

Doodlebug: Does hesitancy mean fear?

Me: Sometimes. But it can also mean caution. Maybe if you would just try it…

Doodlebug: So it could swallow me up and suck me into a cave in the ground? NO! THANK YOU!

Me: Once again, allow me to say, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Doodlebug: We shall see.

Me: Yes, we certainly shall. Meanwhile…

Doodlebug: Meanwhile, since you went to all the trouble to get it for me, I will politely place one paw on the edge of it. Just one. Just on the edge.

Me: That’s all I ask. Just try it. You’ll like it.

Doodlebug: We shall see. But if it grabs my foot, we shall see a new sleeping pad torn into tiny little pieces as it so richly deserves.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh-oh!

Sweetie: “Uh-oh” is right! This is most distressing! Lady Human! Something unidentified has showed up in our sleep spaces!

Me: Yeah! Great, right?

Doodlebug: That’s not what I would call them.

Sweetie: What do we call them?

MoonCat: I would call them new sleep cushions. Anyone would call them that. Ugh. Dogs are so dumb.

Me: Yeah. For extra padding and insulation now that it’s started to get cooler.

Doodlebug: Doesn’t smell like me.

Me: Well, not yet, but give it 5 seconds.

Sweetie: I’m not sure. I think it makes me itchy.

Me: It’s brand new. Nobody’s ever used them before. Oh, Doodlebug, you aren’t even trying yours.

Doodlebug: I trust the floor. It won’t swallow me up and fly me away while I’m asleep.

Me: The pad won’t either. That could never happen.

Sweetie: Says the human, and we all know how smart they are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Exotic Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is wrong in the air.

Sweetie: Yes, it’s an unusual scent. Not from around here. Uh-oh, it’s Lady Human!

Doodlebug: What have you gotten into, ma’am? It smells…heavy.

Me: Well, I did use a new shampoo on my hair.

Sweetie: Good thing you only have a little hair on top of your head or we would not be able to breathe.

Me: I realize you have industrial strength noses and I can smell this myself.

Sweetie: With your puny little smeller.

Doodlebug: Just imagine what you smell like to us. Time to get some fresh air.

Me: Y’all?

Sweetie: No, you. Maybe the whole sky can float some of that scent away. Phew!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

An Ordinary Day – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: BORING!

Me: What if we do something really interesting and exciting?

Sweetie: BORING!

Doodlebug: But a nice try, Lady Human.

MoonCat: Meow. Why are dogs so easily bored? I am never bored.

Sweetie: All you ever do is stretch, eat, and nap.

MoonCat: Precisely. Never a boring moment.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Schedule – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Teatime is late, Lady Human. This is not a complaint, but it really is a complaint.

Me: It’s not nearly time for that yet.

Sweetie: Bulldog schedules are never wrong. Our stomachs are finely tuned instruments, far better than your clocks.

Me: I’ve noticed that y’all have been moving mealtimes around the last few weeks. Is it because the weather is cooling off?

Doodlebug: Bulldogs don’t respond to the weather any more than we respond to your human clocks.

MoonCat: Meow! Time to eat!

Me: Oh, not you, too.

MoonCat: Not me, too! Me first!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Running around like a Chicken – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human, we have a problem.

Me: What’s wrong?

Sweetie: There is something running around my sunbath area. I think it is a bird. It has wings, but it is not flying. I think something needs to be done.

Me: It’s alright, Sweetie. It’s a chicken.

Sweetie: Well, I knew it wasn’t a bulldog. But I don’t think it’s right to have a big chicken running around my sunbath spot.

Me: She won’t bother you.

Sweetie: What if she wants my spot? I’m not giving up my spot to a bird. I mean, what if she invites friends? It won’t be a sunbath anymore. It’ll be a bird bath.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Burned Egg Temptation – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Where is it? Where is it? I smell it. Wait! It was right here on the floor. Emphasis on the was.

Me: Oh, you mean the eggs. Tall Man burned some eggs he was cooking and they spilled on the floor as he was taking them to the trash.

Sweetie: Spilled eggs? Trash? Eggs never belong in the trash, even burned ones. Where are they? Nevermind. I’ll check the trash.

Doodlebug: Too late.

Sweetie: Why are you licking your lips?

Doodlebug: Well, you see, you were taking a nap and there were these burned eggs on the floor and I didn’t want anybody to slip on them and I didn’t want anybody else to be tempted by them so…problem solved. Don’t bother to thank me.

Sweetie: Oh, I won’t.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Keep Your Paws Off of Our Stuff – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Don’t touch what’s not yours. Nothing on the floor is yours.

Sweetie: Then why do you throw food on the floor?

Me: I don’t. That comes from big bulldog mouths knocking food bowls about. I’m talking about keeping your paws and mouths off other people’s stuff.

MoonCat: Leave me out of the discussion. I mind my own things

Doodlebug: But you put your paws on other people’s stuff, Lady Human.

Sweetie: Yeah. You’re all the time touching my stuff. Our stuff. Well, it’s mostly mine.

Doodlebug: My stuff. Chew sticks. Balls. That softy toy.

Sweetie: Beds.

Me: Poop? Is that poop outside yours?

Doodlebug: Nope. It doesn’t have my name on it.

Sweetie: Nope. Anyway you can’t prove it.

Doodlebug: Hey, Lady Human, you can put your paws on all that poop outside. It’s all yours now.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cloud Sitting – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie and I am patient.

Me: Patient for what? What are you waiting for?

Sweetie: Rain.

Me: Then you’re going to have a long wait. Come on back inside.

Sweetie: Nope. I am sitting under a cloud. That means rain.

Me: There is no cloud, Sweetie.

Sweetie: Yes, there is. See! It’s blocking the sun.

Me: That’s not a cloud. That’s an awning that Tall Man put up so we could sit out here a little.

Sweetie: Cloud. Awning. Same difference.

Me: Not really. An awning will never rain.

Sweetie: Then Tall Man will just have to try harder. I know! He can put the water tube on the fake cloud and I can turn the nob that lets the water out, just like I used to do to fill my puppy pool.

Me: NO!!! I mean…leave the nob turning to the humans.

Sweetie: But I know how. It’s not hard. I just put my mouth over it like…

Me: That’s all right. Let’s go in now.

Sweetie: Well, okay, but it’s no problem. Any time you want a fake rain cloud, just let me know.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Foot Cleaning Social Hour – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Mmmm. Do you clean your feet like this?

Me: By licking them? Certainly not!

Sweetie: Lady Human, I was talking to MoonCat. She has way more feet than you. I don’t expect humans to know how to do things the proper way.

MoonCat: Meow. Your feet are bigger than mine, bulldog. I clean mine from the tops and sides first, but never before eating.

Doodlebug: Only after dinner then.

MoonCat: Yes, King Bulldog. Licking my feet before eating would be vulgar.

Me: Yeah, I can see that. All that loose hair and cat litter and stuff.

MoonCat: Clean your human feet as you wish to, ma’am, and we will clean ours in our own way.

Sweetie: Humans don’t understand the pressure of taking care of more than two feet at a time, MoonCat.

MoonCat: It is a lot of work, but it gives us so much more to talk about during social hour.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Foot Bath – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! She’s done it again!

Me: Who’s done what again? Oh, Sweetie! Your water bowl!

Sweetie: What’s wrong?

Me: Your water bowl is muddy and almost empty. Again.

Sweetie: My toesies were hot and my water bowl was just sitting there, doing nothing, so I gave myself a foot bath.

MoonCat: I give myself foot baths all the time, but I’m smart. I use my tongue.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.