Wide Load – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles


I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am not fat.

Me:   Thank you for that information, Stella.

Stella:   I know you are going to talk about it, so I thought I would clear that up first.

Me:   How did you know I was going to talk about it?

Stella:   The way you and Tall Man have been looking down on Wiggles’ back the past couple of days.

Me:   Was it that obvious?

Stella:   Yes. And you telling him about how she is so wide that she blocks the door when you go to open it.

Me:  Well, that’s not just her size. It’s her predisposition to ram her way through in front of everybody before I can get the door open.

Stella:   Which she would be able to go through on a narrow opening if she weren’t so fat.

Me:   Mmmm…maybe.

Wiggles:   Are you gossiping about me?


Me:   No…

Stella:   Yes.

Wiggles:   What are you saying about me?

Me:   I am remembering what the vet said last spring about how we need to control your weight because you have been packing it on the past few years. I don’t want to be embarrassed the next time you see her simply because I haven’t been able to help you lose a little.

Wiggles:   How do you lose weight?

Me:   More exercise…

Wiggles:   I get plenty of exercise. I run out to potty. Then I potty. Then I jump up on the sunshine table. Then I jump down. Then I run back inside and take a nap.

Me:   That doesn’t really qualify as weight loss exercise.

Wiggles:   What other thing can I do to lose weight, so you won’t be embarrassed in front of the vet lady?

Me:   Eat a little less.

Wiggles:   WHAT AN UGLY THING TO SAY, LADY HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU? I eat precisely what you give me!

Me:   And anything you find on the floor. And whatever you can snoot up in the kitchen.

Wiggles:   Hey, if it’s on the floor, I figure you dropped it for me. I don’t see you picking it up and eating it. Like you always say, WASTE NOT!







Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.



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