I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am not fat.
Me: Thank you for that information, Stella.
Stella: I know you are going to talk about it, so I thought I would clear that up first.
Me: How did you know I was going to talk about it?
Stella: The way you and Tall Man have been looking down on Wiggles’ back the past couple of days.
Me: Was it that obvious?
Stella: Yes. And you telling him about how she is so wide that she blocks the door when you go to open it.
Me: Well, that’s not just her size. It’s her predisposition to ram her way through in front of everybody before I can get the door open.
Stella: Which she would be able to go through on a narrow opening if she weren’t so fat.
Wiggles: Are you gossiping about me?
Wiggles: What are you saying about me?
Me: I am remembering what the vet said last spring about how we need to control your weight because you have been packing it on the past few years. I don’t want to be embarrassed the next time you see her simply because I haven’t been able to help you lose a little.
Wiggles: How do you lose weight?
Me: More exercise…
Wiggles: I get plenty of exercise. I run out to potty. Then I potty. Then I jump up on the sunshine table. Then I jump down. Then I run back inside and take a nap.
Me: That doesn’t really qualify as weight loss exercise.
Wiggles: What other thing can I do to lose weight, so you won’t be embarrassed in front of the vet lady?
Me: Eat a little less.
Wiggles: WHAT AN UGLY THING TO SAY, LADY HUMAN! HOW DARE YOU? I eat precisely what you give me!
Me: And anything you find on the floor. And whatever you can snoot up in the kitchen.
Wiggles: Hey, if it’s on the floor, I figure you dropped it for me. I don’t see you picking it up and eating it. Like you always say, WASTE NOT!
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