I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and I am not happy. I just thought everyone should know. Why should I keep my misery to myself?
Me: What misery are we talking about this time?
Stella: Haven’t you noticed? Don’t you feel it?
Me: Well, if you’re talking about the weather…
Stella: Those boxes that Tall Man put in the windows have frozen everything including my feet. They must be turned off immediately. Once upon a time a few hours ago, the air was fine. Now your boxes are forming icicles on my eyelashes.
Me: First, those boxes are air conditioner window units and they are not on. They haven’t been for some weeks. Secondly, the air conditioners cool the air inside the house, not outside. What you are experiencing is a Blue Norther, a strong cold front that just roared in.
Stella: Feel my toes. If I could guess a color, I would say they are blue. See what your Blue Norther has done.
Me: It’s not my Blue Norther. It’s a weather front. I’m cold, too, so the sooner you get business done out here, the sooner we can get back inside.
Stella: Oh, no! Something terrible is happening in my nose. When I breathe, smoke comes out! Smoke! My nose is on fire and freezing at the same time! Look! A big cloudy puff and it came right out of my bulldoggy nose. Lady Human, this is an emergency! Do something!
Me: Stella, you do something and we can go back inside. And that is not smoke coming out of your nose. It’s the moisture in your breath condensing in the cold air.
Stella: Make it stop!
Me: If you think it’s cold now, wait until morning. The temperature is supposed to drop another 17 degrees or so.
Stella: And you expect me to go the bathroom out here in a frozen wasteland! What if EVERYTHING freezes! Noooo!
Me: I don’t think things work that way.
Stella: If Tall Man can install cold air boxes in the windows, he can install a warm air bulldog bathroom inside. Make that two. I need my privacy. The others can share. I am Queen. I hereby decree it. Have the plans on my desk tomorrow.
Me: Your desk? You have a desk?
Stella: I’ll take the one in the front room. Every queen needs a desk. And a crown, remember?
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.