The Burned Egg Temptation – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Where is it? Where is it? I smell it. Wait! It was right here on the floor. Emphasis on the was.

Me: Oh, you mean the eggs. Tall Man burned some eggs he was cooking and they spilled on the floor as he was taking them to the trash.

Sweetie: Spilled eggs? Trash? Eggs never belong in the trash, even burned ones. Where are they? Nevermind. I’ll check the trash.

Doodlebug: Too late.

Sweetie: Why are you licking your lips?

Doodlebug: Well, you see, you were taking a nap and there were these burned eggs on the floor and I didn’t want anybody to slip on them and I didn’t want anybody else to be tempted by them so…problem solved. Don’t bother to thank me.

Sweetie: Oh, I won’t.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Head Pets – Conversation with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Come over here, Doodle.

Sweetie: I’ll come over.

Me: Okay, but I still want Doodlebug to come.

MoonCat: Are you giving out treats?

Me: Not right now. Just head pets.

Sweetie: I’ll take one.

MonnCat: Me, too. Briefly.

Me: Come on, Doodle Boy. Head pets.

Doodlebug: Is this a trick?

Me: Since when is a head pet a trick?

Doodlebug: How do I know it’s not an attempt to control me?

Me: Don’t you like head pets?

Doodlebug: Yes. More than just about anything. Which makes them just the sort of thing humans would use to get their way.

Me: So…head pet?

Doodlebug: Yes, please. I guess it’s worth the risk.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Doodlebug Dreaming – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hold up there…Stop in the name of the bulldog law…Wub wub wub..wub…

Sweetie: Lady Human! Come quick! Doodlebug has plumb lost his mind and he didn’t have much to spare.

Me: No! He’s just dreaming. See! He’s asleep.

MoonCat: Meow. A bulldog waggling his feet and barking while asleep does not sound sane to me. A cat would never make such an undignified display.

Doodlebug: What? What’s going on? Where am I?

Me: You’re here at home with us. You’re fine. You were just having a dream.

Doodlebug: But what about all that…and all those…and that big….Where did that all go?

Me: Just back into dreamland for now.

Doodlebug: Well, those dream dogs that were trying to eat my dream mountain of dream food better stay in dreamland if they know what’s good for them! I’ll go back for the food later.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldoggese Interpreter Needed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie, silence please! You are talking up a storm and saying nothing.

Sweetie: Ruff! Ruff! Bark. Eewww! Arghhh!

Me: Does anybody know what she’s saying? It’s all over the place.

MoonCat: Meow. Sounds like bulldog nonsense to me. But then all bulldog speech is nonsense. Nobody can interpret that.

Me: Okay, Sweetie, you just came back in from outside. You just ate a little while ago. Your water bowl is full. You sound like a mixed bag of everything rolled into one.

Sweetie: It is so simple! LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME ALL THE TIME! DO WHAT I SAY EVEN IF I DON’T SAY ANYTHING YOU UNDERSTAND! I AM IN CHARGE HERE! WHY DON’T YOU ALL GET THAT?

Doodlebug: Oh, is that all?

MoonCat: Same ole, same ole.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Keep Your Paws Off of Our Stuff – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Don’t touch what’s not yours. Nothing on the floor is yours.

Sweetie: Then why do you throw food on the floor?

Me: I don’t. That comes from big bulldog mouths knocking food bowls about. I’m talking about keeping your paws and mouths off other people’s stuff.

MoonCat: Leave me out of the discussion. I mind my own things

Doodlebug: But you put your paws on other people’s stuff, Lady Human.

Sweetie: Yeah. You’re all the time touching my stuff. Our stuff. Well, it’s mostly mine.

Doodlebug: My stuff. Chew sticks. Balls. That softy toy.

Sweetie: Beds.

Me: Poop? Is that poop outside yours?

Doodlebug: Nope. It doesn’t have my name on it.

Sweetie: Nope. Anyway you can’t prove it.

Doodlebug: Hey, Lady Human, you can put your paws on all that poop outside. It’s all yours now.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cloud Sitting – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie and I am patient.

Me: Patient for what? What are you waiting for?

Sweetie: Rain.

Me: Then you’re going to have a long wait. Come on back inside.

Sweetie: Nope. I am sitting under a cloud. That means rain.

Me: There is no cloud, Sweetie.

Sweetie: Yes, there is. See! It’s blocking the sun.

Me: That’s not a cloud. That’s an awning that Tall Man put up so we could sit out here a little.

Sweetie: Cloud. Awning. Same difference.

Me: Not really. An awning will never rain.

Sweetie: Then Tall Man will just have to try harder. I know! He can put the water tube on the fake cloud and I can turn the nob that lets the water out, just like I used to do to fill my puppy pool.

Me: NO!!! I mean…leave the nob turning to the humans.

Sweetie: But I know how. It’s not hard. I just put my mouth over it like…

Me: That’s all right. Let’s go in now.

Sweetie: Well, okay, but it’s no problem. Any time you want a fake rain cloud, just let me know.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Foot Cleaning Social Hour – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Mmmm. Do you clean your feet like this?

Me: By licking them? Certainly not!

Sweetie: Lady Human, I was talking to MoonCat. She has way more feet than you. I don’t expect humans to know how to do things the proper way.

MoonCat: Meow. Your feet are bigger than mine, bulldog. I clean mine from the tops and sides first, but never before eating.

Doodlebug: Only after dinner then.

MoonCat: Yes, King Bulldog. Licking my feet before eating would be vulgar.

Me: Yeah, I can see that. All that loose hair and cat litter and stuff.

MoonCat: Clean your human feet as you wish to, ma’am, and we will clean ours in our own way.

Sweetie: Humans don’t understand the pressure of taking care of more than two feet at a time, MoonCat.

MoonCat: It is a lot of work, but it gives us so much more to talk about during social hour.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Foot Bath – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! She’s done it again!

Me: Who’s done what again? Oh, Sweetie! Your water bowl!

Sweetie: What’s wrong?

Me: Your water bowl is muddy and almost empty. Again.

Sweetie: My toesies were hot and my water bowl was just sitting there, doing nothing, so I gave myself a foot bath.

MoonCat: I give myself foot baths all the time, but I’m smart. I use my tongue.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Shake Out the Cobwebs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Time to stretch our legs.

MoonCat: Meow. My legs are already stretched, thank you. Count me out.

Sweetie: Huh? What?

Me: Wake up, girl. Time to eat and drink and walk around.

Sweetie: Oh. That stuff. Okay. Everybody stand back. SHAKE IT OUT! Woo!

Me: You always do that full body shake every time you wake up. It must feel good.

Sweetie: It shakes out the cobwebs any sneaky spiders might have strung on me while I was sleeping. Everything works better then. You should try it, Lady Human. You might work better then, too.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Summertime Dining – Conversations with Sweetie and Doodlebug

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is supper being served?

Me: On the patio.

Sweetie: No, thank you. I’ll have mine inside if you don’t mind. Or even if you do.

Me: You used to eat on the patio all the time. I’ve noticed you ignore your food out there lately.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you don’t eat outside. How come?

Me: Well…

Sweetie: I’ll tell you how come.

Doodlebug: Oh boy, here we go.

Sweetie: It’s nasty outside in the hot. And those pesky flying pesks…

Me: Flies.

Sweetie: If you say so…those critters want to put their dirty little feet on my food. So I’ll have mine inside, thank you.

Me: How about you, Doodle?

Doodlebug: Food is food, hot weather or cold. I say, bring it on! I haven’t let a pesky fly carry off a single bite of my food yet. Not about to start now. Let’s eat!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sunsitting – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why won’t Sweetie come inside? It’s hot.

Me: I know. I’m going to make her come in now.

MoonCat: Meow. I never go outside. It’s always too hot or too cold. Even when it’s just right.

Me: Sweetie, you have to come inside now.

Sweetie: I can’t. I’m sunsitting.

Me: You mean sunbathing.

Sweetie: No, sunsitting. I am taking care of the sun. Like when humans take care of little humans.

Me: I think the sun will be alright without you. It’s been there for a long, long time.

Sweetie: But the sun is lonely. It’s up there all by itself.

Me: Mmmm…it may seem that way, but it’s really not.

Sweetie: It needs me. Wait. Okay. I’m too hot now. Shame on you, Sun. No more sunsitting with you. I’m going inside. Oh, but I’ll see you tomorrow, same time, same place.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Too Much Talk – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie is giving a speech. Again.

Sweetie: Hear ye! Hear ye!

Doodlebug: What does that mean?

Sweetie: I don’t know. I heard it on the humans’ Picture Box.

MoonCat: It doesn’t matter. I’ve already stopped listening.

Sweetie: I am going to exercise my mouth until it gets tired. And I do not tire easily. I am a bulldog.

Me: So you are just going to keep barking for no reason until you decide to stop. Is that it?

Sweetie: And why not? Humans do it all the time. You all complain about dogs barking, but you never shut your own mouths.

Me: Well, I have something to say about that.

Doodlebug: Of course, you do.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Set in Our Ways – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that you are doing, Lady Human? What is in your hand?

Me: Well, it’s your food bowl.

Doodlebug: It’s not my food bowl. My food bowl is always over there, ready when I want it.

Sweetie: Yeah, what are you trying to do, ma’am? Confuse us? Leave well enough alone.

Me: His food bowl comes close to getting spilled every time I walk through here.

Doodlebug: Then don’t walk through here. Walk through there.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t move my food bowl. How will I find it in the dark?

Me: Uh, the same way you find everything else in the dark?

MoonCat: Hmmm. Questionable.

Sweetie: We are set in our ways. If it ain’t fixed, don’t break it.

Me: I think you mean “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

Sweetie: That’s what I said.

Doodlebug: We like the way we have things set up. If you go changing the setup, no telling what might happen.

Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human, we might go changing your set ways. Then where might your food bowl end up.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

To Sunbathe or Not to Sunbathe – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie, you need to come in now.

Sweetie: Why? The sun is bathing my skin.

Me: It’s too hot, hon. Come on in.

Sweetie: I believe I’ll just sit here a little while longer. Have a seat, Lady Human. Have a sunbath. No sense wasting the sun.

Me: I don’t need the sun baking my brain.

Sweetie: It might make your brain work better.

Me: No, it won’t. It’s way too hot to be sitting out here in the sun on purpose. You need to come in because I said so.

Sweetie: Worst reason ever to do anything. I think I’ll just sit here…oh, wait, okay, that’s it. Done. I’m coming in now.

Me: Oh, now you’re coming in. What changed?

Sweetie: My bulldog brain timer just went off and said DONE. You humans really should get a brain timer, Lady Human. I’m concerned you might stay out in the sun too long.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.