Will Human Messes Never Cease? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you made a mess.

Me: Yes. I dropped an egg.

Sweetie: And that made a mess.

Doodlebug: A really sloppy mess. May I clean it up, please?

Me: That’s okay. I’ll take care of it. No sense spreading it around.

Sweetie: But you made a mess.

Me: If I were a bulldog, I wouldn’t be pointing out the messes of others.

Sweetie: But you are a human. Humans shouldn’t make messes.

MoonCat: Oh, my. Where have you been?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Guardian – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I have been giving this possum situation some thought.

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: The chickens need a guardian and I’m it.

Doodlebug: What about me? I’m the King.

Sweetie: Sure, if you want to sit with me outside the Chicken House all night every night.

Doodlebug: Well, let’s not be unreasonable.

MoonCat: No, let’s never be that. Which is why I’ll maintain my cushy bed inside and happily welcome all reasonable bulldogs back inside when they tire of guard duty after ten minutes.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Oh, Possum, Not Again! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there is a peculiar scent on the air. It’s…it’s…

Sweetie: It’s POSSUM! Not in my yard!

Me: I don’t think it’s here right now. Probably went after chicken eggs last night.

Sweetie: No! Can’t have my chickens or their eggs!

Me: Your chickens?

Sweetie: My ground, my chickens. This is bulldog territory.

Doodlebug: Possums can’t just waltz in here like they own the place. Who do they think they are?

MoonCat: Well done, possum. Anything that can irritate bulldogs this much earns my admiration.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

As the Crow Flies – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: BIG BIRDS, LADY HUMAN! HEADS DOWN! RUN!

Me: Hold on, girl! No big deal! Just a couple of crows.

Doodlebug: Yeah, Sweetie, don’t be a scaredy cat. Lady Human, if they start heading back this way, you’ll warn me, won’t you?

Me: What’s the problem? Y’all have seen crows before.

Doodlebug: But those are the biggest…

Sweetie: And widest and the wildest…

MoonCat: Who came up with that insulting term “scaredy cat”? Why not scaredy dog? You don’t see me running and hiding. Of course, you don’t see me prancing around outside where the wild birds fly either.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

In a Bulldog Minute – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Come on, y’all. Let’s move it along. We should be able to get this done in a New York minute.

Sweetie: What is a New York minute?

Me: Just an expression for a short, quick time. There’s a place called New York and they have a reputation for moving along at a fast pace.

Doodlebug: So do those clocks you humans love with the long stick hands move faster there?

Me: No, actually they don’t.

Sweetie: I’ll stick with moving along in a bulldog minute. It’s more my style.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

MoonCat: Welcome to bulldog time down south.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Twitching of Noses – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: What’s going on, y’all?

Sweetie: You tell us. You’re the human in the room.

Me: Your noses are twitching to beat the band.

Doodlebug: What is a band and why would I want to beat it?

Me: I mean you are obviously scenting something and, poor inadequate nose that I have, I don’t smell a thing out of the ordinary.

Sweetie: Someone is cooking outside.

Doodlebug: A human is walking with a dog nearby.

Sweetie: The chickens have laid their eggs.

Doodlebug: You have put on clean clothes.

MoonCat: Yes, I particularly noticed that last one. Thank you so much.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Let’s Get This Straight – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: This here is not right. This belongs over there on the floor, not hanging halfway off that stand. It’s a mess waiting to happen.

Sweetie: Let me get this straight. I put my things where I want them and you come along, Lady Human, and foul it all up. Well, thank you very much. Humph!

Doodlebug: I like it better the new way.

Sweetie: You have no imagination.

MoonCat: I do. I imagine that’s one less thing to fall on my precious head.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stuff and Nonsense – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, there was an awful lot of noise last night and not the kind I enjoy because I didn’t make any of it.

Me: Yeah, a lot of people gunning their engines, revving up and speeding down the roads. All stuff and nonsense.

Sweetie: I like stuff.

Doodlebug: I like nonsense.

Me: I know y’all do. But this was stuff and nonsense that keeps interrupting sound sleep. I can do without that.

MoonCat: Have earplugs for cats been invented yet? Because I could sure use a pair. Stuff and nonsense blockers.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wagging Tongues – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Ugh. Wagging tongues!

Sweetie: I’m not wagging my tongue. I save all wagging for my tail.

Doodlebug: My tongue licks. Hands and faces and food and other stuff I can reach…

Me: Yeah, I get the picture. No, I’m put out because some wagging human tongues can’t seem to stay still and they cause trouble.

Sweetie: Give them sticky treats that will glue their mouths shut.

Dioodlebug: Or give them something to wag instead of their tongues.

MoonCat: My rule to avoid trouble: Keep your tongue firmly in your mouth and your long curvy tail wrapped comfortably around your own body. No wagging allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Nagging List – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why are you frowning at that paper, Lady Human? Is it chasing you?

Me: Yeah. It’s a list of things to do that keeps nagging me. I get one thing scratched off and there are two more on it.

Sweetie: Tell it to shut up. Or better yet, give it to me and I’ll chew it up for you.

MoonCat: Can we have some peace and quiet, please? I’m trying to get nothing done here.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights. Reserved.

Snuffler at the Door – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that noise?

Me: Something…or someone is moving stuff on the front porch.

Doodlebug: Snuffling! Let me at ’em!

Me: No, we’re not opening the door.

Sweetie: Lady Human, be a human! Do human things!

Me: Like what?

Doodlebug: Peak through the tiny window in the door! What do you see?

Me: Nothing. I’ll turn on the porch light. Now I hear the noise from over there by the front corner. It’s too dark. Still can’t see anything. Wait. The sound is gone. Probably a dog. Or a raccoon.

Sweetie: Or a cat.

MoonCat: How dare you? That slander is a calumny against all cats! No self-respecting cat worthy of the name ‘cat’ would ever make that much racket.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stormy Memory – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that dark blob in the middle of the Big Picture Box?

Me: That’s a radar image of a huge storm called a hurricane.

Sweetie: It’s ugly.

Me: Yeah, more than you know.

Doodlebug: We had a big storm. The huge oak tree got knocked over onto our house. Remember?

Me: True. That was a hurricane force wind in a big storm, but not a hurricane.

Sweetie: That was scary. So loud. And later those men came and banged on our roof all day. Is that wind blob coming here?

Me: No, it’s far away and headed a different direction. Others are in its path though.

Sweetie: What should we do?

Me: Pray.

MoonCat: Can we schedule not to have any more of those fierce winds? You see, I don’t weigh very much.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

No Dog in The Fight – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something loud is going on over there.

Me: Yeah, but not our business.

Doodlebug: What if the loud comes over here?

Me: Then it would be our business. For right now, we’ve got no dog in the fight.

Sweetie: Of course not. We are here and we’re not fighting.

Me: It’s an old expression. It means mind your own business. Keep your nose to yourself.

MoonCat: We cats always keep our noses to ourselves. But then our noses are much smaller than the nasal organs of bulldogs or humans so…no cat in this fight.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Entangled – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, are you still crocheting that little toy? BUT NO SWEATERS!

Me: There were some problems with the kit and the instructions. Now I’m trying to undo what I’ve done and it’s a tangled mess.

MoonCat: As I say, ma’am, I’m a yarn aficionada. I’ll be happy to take it off your hands, no matter what state it’s in.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Cracking Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. YAWN.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the sky is cracking into pieces. Please go put it back together and tell it to be quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.

Me: It’s just a big thunderstorm. A front is moving through. The sky will be fine.

Doodlebug: Why now? Can’t these things be arranged for a more convenient time?

Me: Nope.

MoonCat: Thankfully there are a few things humans can’t schedule. That gives me hope.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

In a Jiffy – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I need to go out, Lady Human!

Me: Okay, my hands are full. In a jiffy!

Sweetie: Jiffy? Where?

Me:  It means in a fraction of a second.

Doodlebug: A second?

Me: (snapping fingers) Like that quick. Quicker than you can imagine. So quick that…

Doodlebug: Uh-oh.

MoonCat: I think we passed the jiffy point.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Head Scratching – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, do you have an infestation? You keep scratching your head.

Me: No, it’s just dry, flaky scalp. Why are you scratching your head now?

Sweetie: It looked fun so I thought I’d do it, too.

Doodlebug: Me, too. Ahhh, so good.

Me: This is contagious. I wonder why.

MoonCat: Don’t look at me. It’s a real head-scratcher.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Dream Grit – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, hold still so I can clean the grit off your eyelid.

Sweetie: NO! NOBODY TOUCHES THE EYE!

Me: Not the eyeball. Just the corner where the sleep collects.

Doodlebug: The sleep?

Me: Yeah, my parents called it that. The grit or sand that collects while we sleep. They said the sandman brought it while we dreamed, but…

Sweetie: Who is this sandman and why did y’all let him break into the house?

Me: It’s just a story. Nobody came in for real. It’s all made-up.

MoonCat: Made-up? Then I have a question. Where did the made-up dream grit come from?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

You Call That Singing? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, are you in pain?

Me: No. Why?

Sweetie: That terrible high-pitched scream coming out of your mouth.

Me: I was singing.

Doodlebug: Is singing what humans do when they are in pain?

Me: Singing is music. It’s supposed to sound good.

Sweetie: Oh, no! MoonCat, did that sound good to you?

MoonCat: It’s all a matter of taste really. Hold onto your ears while I share my feline style of singing. I think you’ll understand.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Permission List Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Item 2 on the Bulldog Permission List…

Me: How long is this list?

Sweetie: Too long to count. Item 2…no…wait…I haven’t made that one up yet.

MoonCat: Welcome to “Bulldog Imaginary World”, run by bulldogs, for bulldogs, and not very well run at that.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.