The Secret Treaties of Dogs and Cats

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I walked up on Tiger the Olde English Bulldogge and Moon the Siamese-mix Cat having a eyeball-to-eyeball negotiation in complete silence. A few seconds later, Tiger ran over to where Snoopey was napping in her crate, minding her own business, and picked a fight.

It got loud and it got tense, but at least they couldn’t reach each other. Of course, Stella had to put her two cents into the jukebox, and the noise grew louder…I think. By then, I couldn’t hear my own thoughts so maybe I just imagined that.

I think Moon made a truce with Tiger, a peace treaty of the dog/cat sort.

I, Tiger, agree that I will not chase Moon the Cat. I further agree that I will stir up trouble with the bulldog known as Snoopey instead of siccing the bulldog known as Stella on Moon the Cat.

Game changer. A new alliance has entered the Bulldoggy Nation. What else did that eye-to-eye conversation between Tiger and Moon and the subsequent events signify?

The situation between Tiger and Snoopey had relaxed. Days had been calmer. Nights had been quieter. Not perfect, just better. But Tiger remains an adolescent – a lot of excitement, little wisdom.

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I have always suspected that Tiger and Moon are secretly in league with each other. In fact, I believe they are friends. Too many times have I opened the den door in the middle of the night to find Moon sitting right by an alert but tranquil Tiger. On top of that, Tiger NEVER chases Moon. She always gets someone else to do it, usually Stella because Stella is gullible. Wiggles and Snoopey just ignore Tiger’s grumbling and pointing.

So what was Moon’s part of the bargain?

I, the feline known as Moon the Cat (yuck – that was the best the humans could do?) agree to nothing. I will merely be myself. I will not to chase bulldogs because that is not what I do.

So what understanding do I gain from watching these animals live as imperfect neighbors?

That traditional enmities are not always graven in stone? Maybe.

Never trust a cat? The jury is still out on that one.

That cats are better negotiators than dogs? After all, Tiger and Snoopey have not                     been able to work out their differences.

That “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself” is a commandment, not just a good idea. (Matthew 22:39; Leviticus 19:18 KJV). Yes. Amen.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Conversations with Stella #1 – Combo Blog

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella the Olde English Bulldogge and I have decided to combine our blogs today since our topics coincide. She has her weekly list of offenders and I have my Disorderly Conduct #2 post. So we’ll let Stella begin.

Stella: I should be able to have my own blog post as always.

Me: No, you already had your Monster Alert blog post earlier this week. I am sharing my space with you and I think that is generous of me.

Stella: Do I get an extra treat for this?

Me: No

Stella: Then how is that generous? This is work and treats should be paid.

Me: Very well, I will begin. The Disorderly Conduct of the week comes down to one thing – deliberate and accidental food spilling. Moon the Cat…

Stella: …Who is ridiculous…

Me: Don’t interrupt, please.

Stella: Mmmmaaawww!

Me: As I was saying, Moon the Cat made a mighty leap and spilled her food bowl that was sitting on top of the washing machine. Cat food went all over the floor.

Stella: Is it still there?

Me: No, I swept it up and threw it away.

Stella: That’s terrible. What a waste! Cat food is delicious. That could have been my treat.

Me: And then there are Snoopey and STELLA who have decided that their food should not be in bowls at all and who deliberately knock their bowls over.

Stella: It tastes better that way. The bowl tastes like shiny metal.

Me: It makes a mess and you end up losing a goodly amount of food to the other dogs.

Stella: It’s our style. We are sisters. My turn! Most offensive this week – Moon the Cat for spilling her food by jumping around on top of the washing machine. She’s just a big showoff. Number 2 – Wiggles for trash diving, again. She is so undignified. Number 3 – Tiger for running in the house and sliding carelessly across the floor like life is a game which it most certainly is not. And tied for Number 5 – me and Snoopey for deliberate food spilling which is really not an offense, just an eating choice. And I have to add one more – Tall Man for wearing scary stuff on his head and pretending to be an insect and frightening everybody.

Me: He didn’t frighten me .

Stella: Everybody who’s a dog.

Me: You understand that he was doing yard work and the “scary stuff” on his head was safety equipment. No frightening was intended. And humans should not be added to the Offenders list.

Stella: My list, my rules.

Me: So what have we learned this week?

Stella: That living around cats is annoying and that humans can dress like insects.

Me: No, not that. I have learned that I have to be patient, extra patient because sometimes things don’t go according to plan, things can get messy, and the mess can be caused by the ones I love, dogs and cats and humans. 1 Corinthians 13:4 – “Charity suffereth long, and is kind…”

Stella: I love you, too, and I will be patient with you while you get me my treat.

 

 

©2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Stella’s Blog #7 – Sneaky is as Sneaky Does

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Hello! I am Stella the Olde English Bulldogge a.k.a.Queen Stella. I have to keep reminding everyone about the queen part. Even my humans have a tendency to forget my status.

And now I will jump right into my List of Offenders for the week, as always from the greatest offender to the least:

  1. Wiggles: This was a hard choice because everyone but me behaved badly all week long. Still Wiggles wins (if this award can be called a win) because she would not leave Lady Human’s shoes alone. If Lady Human wants to keep a pair of outside shoes by the back door, she should be allowed to without Wiggles or anyone else making a toy out of them. Personally, I don’t understand what is so appealing about human shoes, but to each her own.
  1. Tiger AND Snoopey: They tie for second most offensive because they could not settle down and enjoy the high winds. All their barking and turning and whining, really? And they couldn’t let that feud of theirs go even though it is calming down. They still like to get in each others’ faces for a bark fest which gets me to barking and that hurts my ears.
  1. Moon the Cat: She comes in third and was offensive this week. Why? Because CAT! Cats have this annoying way of walking that is smooth and slinky and silent. Why can’t they be normal, like dogs?
  1. Me: I admit it. I don’t like to have my nails trimmed and I gave Lady Human a run for it when she tried. She was sneaky and got 4 of them despite all my flipping and flopping. Then the tall man showed up and they tricked me. She petted my head and neck and got me all relaxed and thinking that nothing of the nail trimming sort was going on and all of a sudden all my nails had been trimmed and it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t even notice. OK. Until next time.

Did I learn anything this week? Yes. Sometimes humans are sneaky. Wiggles is quick and sneaky when she is stealing shoes. Cats are always sneaky. High winds make Tiger and Snoopey irritable and irritating to me, but at least high winds don’t sneak up on you.

My transcriptionist says that I should try saying something nice about the others. Awwww.

Signed,

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stella’s Blog #5 – Why Did God Make Cats?

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Hello! Once again, it is I, Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge. Today I ask an age-old question – Cats. Why?

I understand that the Creator made all sorts of creatures, most importantly, dogs. But He made cats, too, and it seems to me odd that He would put any time or attention into such an annoying animal when He simply could have made more dogs.

While dogs are straightforward, cats are sneaky. Well, Snoopey is a dog and she looks suspicious most of the time so she may be sneaky and I have actually only been acquainted with one cat so I may be over generalizing, but that’s not the point. The point is…cats. Why?

And this question brings me to my List of Offenders. From the greatest offender to the least offensive:

  1. For the first time we have a tie for the greatest offender: Moon the Cat and Snoopey.

Snoopey tore 2 huge holes in her new bed just to see what was inside. How rude! If it is soft, comfortable, and it doesn’t smell like food, why would you even want to know what was in it? Just sleep on it and let it be! Now Lady Human is going to take time away from paying attention to me so she can repair it. Will you tear more holes in it, Snoopey? Hmmm? Will you? Will you?

But equally as annoying was Moon the Cat. Instead of being quiet and staying in her numerous secret places (where it is almost impossible to reach her), she pranced around the house as though she owned the place. Which she does not, not even one day a week. We bulldogs own the house. Ssshhh! Don’t tell our humans! They are confused on this issue though they may be clueing in. Anyway, Moon (what a silly name) tempts us to chase her and usually gets her wish. So unfair. Why is she allowed to put temptation in our paths and then slink away or climb to heights we cannot reach? Again I ask – cats. Why?

  1. Tiger made #2 on my offenders list. Reason? Excessive barking – at the cat.
  1. Me – why? Well, excessive barking – at the cat.
  1. Wiggles was hilarious. She almost caught the cat! And she had no idea what to do! So she just stared at Moon for a few seconds, I guess waiting for the cat to say something more intelligent than “meow”, and then walked away. Good old Wiggles.

Ages hence, as the humans say, if I am given the honor of asking the Creator any question at all, I think I’ll have only one. I believe you can guess what it will be.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.