I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! She’s done it again!
Me: Who’s done what again? Oh, Sweetie! Your water bowl!
Sweetie: What’s wrong?
Me: Your water bowl is muddy and almost empty. Again.
Sweetie: My toesies were hot and my water bowl was just sitting there, doing nothing, so I gave myself a foot bath.
MoonCat: I give myself foot baths all the time, but I’m smart. I use my tongue.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Time to stretch our legs.
MoonCat: Meow. My legs are already stretched, thank you. Count me out.
Sweetie: Huh? What?
Me: Wake up, girl. Time to eat and drink and walk around.
Sweetie: Oh. That stuff. Okay. Everybody stand back. SHAKE IT OUT! Woo!
Me: You always do that full body shake every time you wake up. It must feel good.
Sweetie: It shakes out the cobwebs any sneaky spiders might have strung on me while I was sleeping. Everything works better then. You should try it, Lady Human. You might work better then, too.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Puppies are so cute! It’s fun to watch them play.”
“Uh-oh! They’re coming! RUN!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is supper being served?
Me: On the patio.
Sweetie: No, thank you. I’ll have mine inside if you don’t mind. Or even if you do.
Me: You used to eat on the patio all the time. I’ve noticed you ignore your food out there lately.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you don’t eat outside. How come?
Me: Well…
Sweetie: I’ll tell you how come.
Doodlebug: Oh boy, here we go.
Sweetie: It’s nasty outside in the hot. And those pesky flying pesks…
Me: Flies.
Sweetie: If you say so…those critters want to put their dirty little feet on my food. So I’ll have mine inside, thank you.
Me: How about you, Doodle?
Doodlebug: Food is food, hot weather or cold. I say, bring it on! I haven’t let a pesky fly carry off a single bite of my food yet. Not about to start now. Let’s eat!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why won’t Sweetie come inside? It’s hot.
Me: I know. I’m going to make her come in now.
MoonCat: Meow. I never go outside. It’s always too hot or too cold. Even when it’s just right.
Me: Sweetie, you have to come inside now.
Sweetie: I can’t. I’m sunsitting.
Me: You mean sunbathing.
Sweetie: No, sunsitting. I am taking care of the sun. Like when humans take care of little humans.
Me: I think the sun will be alright without you. It’s been there for a long, long time.
Sweetie: But the sun is lonely. It’s up there all by itself.
Me: Mmmm…it may seem that way, but it’s really not.
Sweetie: It needs me. Wait. Okay. I’m too hot now. Shame on you, Sun. No more sunsitting with you. I’m going inside. Oh, but I’ll see you tomorrow, same time, same place.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie is giving a speech. Again.
Sweetie: Hear ye! Hear ye!
Doodlebug: What does that mean?
Sweetie: I don’t know. I heard it on the humans’ Picture Box.
MoonCat: It doesn’t matter. I’ve already stopped listening.
Sweetie: I am going to exercise my mouth until it gets tired. And I do not tire easily. I am a bulldog.
Me: So you are just going to keep barking for no reason until you decide to stop. Is that it?
Sweetie: And why not? Humans do it all the time. You all complain about dogs barking, but you never shut your own mouths.
Me: Well, I have something to say about that.
Doodlebug: Of course, you do.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that you are doing, Lady Human? What is in your hand?
Me: Well, it’s your food bowl.
Doodlebug: It’s not my food bowl. My food bowl is always over there, ready when I want it.
Sweetie: Yeah, what are you trying to do, ma’am? Confuse us? Leave well enough alone.
Me: His food bowl comes close to getting spilled every time I walk through here.
Doodlebug: Then don’t walk through here. Walk through there.
MoonCat: Meow. Don’t move my food bowl. How will I find it in the dark?
Me: Uh, the same way you find everything else in the dark?
MoonCat: Hmmm. Questionable.
Sweetie: We are set in our ways. If it ain’t fixed, don’t break it.
Me: I think you mean “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.
Sweetie: That’s what I said.
Doodlebug: We like the way we have things set up. If you go changing the setup, no telling what might happen.
Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human, we might go changing your set ways. Then where might your food bowl end up.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Me: Sweetie, you need to come in now.
Sweetie: Why? The sun is bathing my skin.
Me: It’s too hot, hon. Come on in.
Sweetie: I believe I’ll just sit here a little while longer. Have a seat, Lady Human. Have a sunbath. No sense wasting the sun.
Me: I don’t need the sun baking my brain.
Sweetie: It might make your brain work better.
Me: No, it won’t. It’s way too hot to be sitting out here in the sun on purpose. You need to come in because I said so.
Sweetie: Worst reason ever to do anything. I think I’ll just sit here…oh, wait, okay, that’s it. Done. I’m coming in now.
Me: Oh, now you’re coming in. What changed?
Sweetie: My bulldog brain timer just went off and said DONE. You humans really should get a brain timer, Lady Human. I’m concerned you might stay out in the sun too long.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Once again, something is wrong.
Sweetie: Lady Human! You forgot to turn your heater machine off!
Me: The heater is not on. It has not been on for months and months.
Doodlebug: Then humans must have fouled something else up.
Me: Oh, no doubt.
MoonCat: Meow. They are complaining because it is hot and their silly bulldog faces are steamy.
Me: That’s why I have set fans all around and the ceiling fans are going full blast along with the A/C window unit.
Sweetie: Not good enough.
Me: Well. I can add some ice cubes to your water.
Doodlebug: Yes, do that, please. What flavors do you have?
Sweetie: Make mine cheese flavored.
MoonCat: Make mine tuna cubes.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“When the day is hot, it’s more fun if the sun wears a cloud.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is different. I don’t like it.
Sweetie: My chair! My big blue chair! It was over there where it belongs and now it’s over here where it doesn’t belong.
MoonCat: Meow. Why, oh why, Lady Human?
Me: It’s a small adjustment.
Sweetie: Small nothin’!! I used to be able to walk there. Now I have to move over two steps.
Doodlebug: And there won’t be as much room to track mud into the room now.
MoonCat: But if you are sitting there, Lady Human, you will be closer when I eat and we can talk.
Sweetie: Closer to the cat’s food? Oh, yeah! I see that now. Never mind. Leave it in its new spot. Since it’s my chair anyway, I can help MoonCat with her leftovers.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
And I am Sweetie, Queen of all dogs everywhere.
MoonCat: Meow.
Me: Why haven’t y’all eaten your food?
Doodlebug: It was served way too early.
Me: I brought it at the same time I bring your afternoon meal every day. 3 p.m. The clock doesn’t lie.
Sweetie: Clock? What is “clock” and why is she telling me when to eat?
Me: A clock tells time in hours, minutes, and seconds.
MoonCat: Meow. Sounds complicated.
Doodlebug: Yeah, my stomach tells me when to eat. Simple.
Me: Well, the clock tells me when to do things. It’s a tyrant.
Sweetie: Another weird human word. What is a tyrant?
Me: A tyrant is an oppressor that orders everybody else around.
Doodlebug: Oh, why didn’t you say so? I understand now.
Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human! It’s a perfect description of you. You’re a clock!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Go ahead and stretch. You just may get there.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something’s wrong. Lady Human! There’s a weird scent on the air!
Me: Yeah, Tall Man just told me he heard a bobcat growling nearby. Heads up!
Sweetie: A cat named Bob? Who would do such a thing? And we already have a cat around here so…nope!
Me: A bobcat is a wild animal, way bigger that a house cat like MoonCat.
MoonCat: Yeah, leave me out of this. I do not now nor have I ever associated with wild cats of any size. And not about to start.
Doodlebug: I can deal with it.
Me: No, sir, you can’t. Bobcats climb fences and they hunt small animals.
Sweetie: Well, I’m not small so that leaves me out.
Me: Not really. I say again, Heads up! I’ll be going outside with you for the time being. It will probably move on back into the trees by the creek. It won’t like the presence of humans.
Sweetie: So you are good for something, Lady Human! I knew we would find out what it was sooner or later.
Doodlebug: I still don’t know why someone would name a cat “Bob”.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug. King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you doing, Lady Human?
Sweetie: She is scratching a poor innocent piece of paper with her stick again.
Me: It’s called ‘writing’. I put words down on the paper in ink so they can be read.
MoonCat: Words? I don’t hear anything except the scratching. Does the scratching make you feel better? Scratching makes me feel better.
Me: Uh, different type of scratching. I guess it makes me feel better to get the words out.
Doodlebug: Sorry, Lady Human, but no words are coming out.
Sweetie: Yeah, I don’t hear a thing either.
Me: Well, scratching…I mean writing…is silent until it’s read or recited.
Sweetie: That’s kind of selfish. You should share.
Me: How would I share while I’m writing?
The Pack: WRITE OUT LOUD!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you trying to do, Lady Human?
Sweetie: Whatever it is, you make it look hard.
Me: I’m just opening a can of tuna for MoonCat. Oh, no! Fumble fingers. I just spilled some.
Sweetie: I hope you don’t expect ME to eat that. It’s been on the floor.
Me: As if that’s ever mattered to y’all before. No, I’ll clean it up.
MoonCat: Wait a moment. Don’t be so hasty.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Birds that float! I would never have thought of that!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What are you staring at, Doodle?
Doodlebug: I am not staring.
Sweetie: Them eyes of yours are set in a fightin’ mode!
Me: Settle down, both of you. I think Doodlebug is just gazing in your direction. A gaze is not a stare.
Sweetie: When eyeballs are set on me, how am I supposed to tell the difference?
Me: A gaze is softer than a stare. Like the way you’re both looking at me now.
MoonCat: Meow. None of y’all know anything about a stare. Now THIS is a stare!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Fun is free! You don’t need a lot of stuff. All you really need is a good stick.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Humans make everything so complicated. Just eat!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 