“Coffee? To stay awake? Why would anyone want to stay awake? Take a nap.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Coffee Anyone?
Welcome to Simpleton – Be a Bulldog!
“There comes a time to stand your ground. Be a bulldog!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Time Keeper
“The sun keeps time the best. It is never too fast or too slow. And it never runs out of sand.”
Copyright 2023. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Guard Your Bark
“Hold on to your bark. Trying to catch loose barks is like a bulldog trying to catch a flying hawk with a torn butterfly net. Too little, too late.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – BREATHE!
“BREATHE! And just keep on breathing. Never stop.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Safer on the Outside
“There’s something going on here that doesn’t meet the eye.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Running between the Raindrops – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: And I am all wet.
Me: Sorry. When I checked the forecast, this rain was in it.
Doodlebug: I just shook it off.
Me: Yes, I know. You literally shook it off.
Sweetie: What are we supposed to do, Lady Human, when you mess up the weather?
Me: I don’t schedule the weather. But I guess you could try running between the raindrops.
Sweetie: Okay. Here. Let me shake my raindrops off and see you run between them.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Water Sampling – Conversations with Sweetie and MoonCat
MoonCat: Meow! Lady Human, someone…let me be plain…A BULLDOG HAS BEEN TASTING MY WATER!
Sweetie: Lady Human, let me be plain, the cat does it to us all the time.
Me: There is water all over the floor.
Sweetie: My face doesn’t exactly fit into a cat’s water bowl, so that’s to be expected. Why is it okay for her to do it when we are outside?
MoonCat: Because my face is small and I never spill a drop, said no bulldog ever.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Decisions! Decisions!
“Decisions! Decisions! So hard to make up my mind.”
“What do you mean? They are all the same.”
” No. One is on the left. One is in the center. And one is on the right. Totally different.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
The Battle of Floor Mopping – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. ALERT! ALERT!
Sweetie: DOUBLE ALERT!
Me: What in the world is going on?
Doodlebug: Tall Man is fighting with the mop for control of the floor!
Sweetie: The mop is winning!
Doodlebug: He needs reinforcements.
Me: Y’all settle down. Too much barking over too little.
Sweetie: Wait. How did you know it was us barking?
Me: Cats don’t bark.
Doodlebug: Humans do. How did you know it wasn’t Tall Man? It could have been.
Sweetie: Naw. Different accent.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Resist Temptation
“Resist temptation! Resist it! Resist! Oh, doggone it! Why’d they leave it out where it could call my name?”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Joint Ownership – Conversations with Sweetie
Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!
Me: Your chair? Excuse me?
Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.
Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.
Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.
Me: Now that is a true statement.
Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Granted.
Me: We are going to have to agree to share.
Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Turning toward the Light
“We’re back!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Early Call – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!
Me: Do you all know what time it is?
Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.
Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!
MoonCat: Best time of day.
Me: Did you get this party started?
Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.
Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Perk Up Your Ears
“Sing, birdies, sing! My ears are open. My soul sings with you.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Skimping – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie
I am Doodlebug,, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
And I am Sweetie and I have noticed a decided reduction in the volume of our treats lately.
Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, they are barely a bulldog mouthful.
Sweetie: Are you skimping on us? Again?
Me: I have noticed that you are both putting on a little extra weight lately.
Doidlebug: So? I am a healthy growing boy.
Me: Uh, excuse me, but you stopped being a growing boy some years ago.
Doodlebug: So how can I be putting on weight then? Really, Lady Human, you make no sense.
Sweetie: Don’t fret, Doodle. She’s just skimping. We’ll take care of it tomorrow. Psst…I know where she keeps the good stuff stashed.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Puppy Steps – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human! Quick! Quick! Hurry! Hurry! Hungry! Hungry!
Me: This food bag is heavy and I have to move with baby steps so I don’t fall over or pull a muscle.
Doodlebug: We call what you are doing ‘puppy steps’. Let’s speak clearly, ma’am.
Me: Okay, puppy steps then. My point is that we all go at our own pace.
Sweetie: If you would just get two more legs like we have, you could puppy step faster.
Me: Sorry. That’s not going to happen. The Great Creator gave y’all four each, not me.
MoonCat: I have the most talented four feet in the whole house. When I walk, it’s called “pussyfooting”. The best of all worlds.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Enough?
“When is enough enough? NEVER! Keep piling it on!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Beck and Call – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, where’s my snack?
Me: You ate it.
Sweetie: That was then. This is now.
MoonCat: And my water needs to be changed. It’s stale.
Me: It was changed 20 minutes ago.
MoonCat: Yes, that’s what I mean.
Me: I don’t even change my own water more often than every 20 minutes.
MoonCat: That is you. This is me.
Doodlebug: Lady Human!
Me: Yes?
Doodlebug: Nothing. Just making sure you were listening.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Young Plants
“Don’t stomp on young plants. They aren’t very strong. Watch out where you put your big ole bulldog feet.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 