“Just don’t lean too far in any direction.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Tiptoe
Curtain Call – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: How come you do that every night with the parakeets’ cage, Lady Human?
Me: You mean why do I cover it and pull the curtain around it?
Doodlebug: They can’t see out. It’s completely black.
Me: That way they get uninterrupted sleep.
Sweetie: But we don’t have curtains.
Doodlebug: How are we going to get uninterrupted sleep?
Me: I believe you already have that figured out.
MoonCat: Yes, the deep resonant bulldog snores testify to it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
What Are You Hiding? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you hiding behind your back?
Me: Hiding? Who says I’m hiding anything? Maybe my hand is just resting on my back.
Doodlebug: Then why does it smell like a treat?
Me: Okay, I confess to having a small chocolate bar, but y’all cannot have chocolate at all. I was trying to keep you from temptation.
Sweetie: Then who’s going to eat it?
Me: Well…
MoonCat: Rules for thee, but not for me, huh?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Noisy Night – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: How come, Lady Human?
Me: Sounds like an open-ended question. How come what?
Sweetie: How come humans love to make loud, useless noises like they did again last night?
Doodlebug: Yeah. Blowing up parts of the sky. When we make noise, it’s because we want something like…you know, everything.
Sweetie: Even the chickens and the rooster have reasons for their loud, annoying clucking and crowing. But humans just make noise to make noise.
Me: I don’t know why. We do make a lot of unnecessary noises. I never thought about it before.
MoonCat: Hence it keeps happening.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Misbehavior – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why do humans get to misbehave all the time? You don’t like it when we misbehave.
Me: So you’re admitting that y’all do misbehave.
Doodlebug: No.
Sweetie: I admit no such thing.
MoonCat: We have the right to remain silent.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
You’ve Got a Big Mouth – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I can’t believe she said I’ve got a big mouth! I said nothing!
Sweetie: Who said that, Lady Human? You don’t have a big mouth at all. It’s really tiny.
Me: Humans say that when they think somebody is talking about them. Size is not the issue.
Doodlebug: I beg to differ, ma’am.
Sweetie: When it comes to mouths, size is always the issue.
MoonCat: Bulldogs would know.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Fancy Dogs – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Look at that on the Big Picture Box, Lady Human. Is that a dog?
Me: Yeah, it’s a poodle. You’ve seen poodles before.
Sweetie: Not one wearing a wig and a shiny stone necklace. Prancing around. Thinks she’s so special. Miss Fancy!
Doodlebug: Oh, her? Ho-hum. Who cares?
Me: I don’t think that’s a wig. She’s been groomed. It’s some kind of show.
Sweetie: I’ll show her!
Me: Are you jealous?
Sweetie: A bulldog jealous of a non-bulldog? Ridiculous!
MoonCat: Uh-huh.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Earmuffs
“They’re not just for cold anymore.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Super Bulldog Slurping – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Can y’all pull back on the super doggy slurping a little?
Sweetie: No way, Lady Human. To slurp is to enjoy life.
Doodlebug: If you’ve got a big mouth, use it.
MoonCat: Or not, as the case may be.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Silent Night? – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What happened, Lady Human? No big kabooms last night.
Doodlebug: Yeah, it really was Silent Night. Except for big rolling boxes. And random gunfire.
Me: Okaaay. As I said, the fireworks people shot their wad the night before last.
Sweetie: And didn’t save any for the big day? How stingy!
Me: Y’all didn’t like the noise anyway. And maybe they saved some money to buy treats for their animals.
Sweetie: Oh, well, that’s alright then.
Doodlebug: Yeah, animal treats instead of…
MoonCat: …making big kaboom holes in the sky?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Silent Night? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, haven’t the humans been singing about a silent night? I don’t think they meant it.
Me: Massive fireworks after midnight is not my idea of a peaceful Christmas celebration.
Doodlebug: Will we have a silent night tonight?
Me: Maybe. If they’ve shot their wad.
Sweetie: I thought you said they shot fireworks.
MoonCat: Yawn. Happy Silent Night to all.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Treat Time! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: It’s that time, Lady Human. That special day.
Doodlebug: Say it out loud together!
Sweetie and Doodlebug: TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME NOW! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME NOW!
Me: But that’s not all this day is about, is it? It would still be a special day without the treats.
Sweetie: Let’s not be ridiculous, Lady Human.
MoonCat: Regrettably, I must agree with the bulldogs on this one. Yet another reason it’s a special day.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Gnawing the Bone – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We’ve brought you a present, Lady Human.
Doodlebug: The humans are giving presents, so we will, too.
Me: Thank y’all so much. I see it’s a…bone.
Sweetie: Not just any bone.
Doodlebug: A gnawing bone.
Sweetie: The best kind of bone.
Doodlebug: For gnawing.
MoonCat: Perfect for those bulldoggy times when nothing else will suffice.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Chewing the Fat – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come you talked into your little hand box so long last night?
Doodlebug: Yeah, you talked and talked. I thought we would never enjoy silence again.
Me: I was chewing the fat with a friend of mine.
Sweetie: Chewing?
Doodlebug: Fat?
Sweetie: Where’s ours? I love fat chewing.
Me: That’s just an expression for talking…
Doodlebug: Another human expression that does not mean what it says.
Sweetie: Teasing us with the dream of chewing fat.
MoonCat: I don’t mind chewing the fat. Just make it short and lean.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Tree Topper
“Watch out what you climb atop. Not everybody fits every place.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I Take That Back – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, when I told you to give my treats to the cat, you didn’t believe me, did you?
Me: But you said.
Sweetie: What’s that human word when somebody runs too quickly and slides into a garbage can?
Me: Hasty?
Sweetie: Well, that was me. I take it back.
Me: No problem. Treats were delayed. They’re not here yet anyway.
Sweetie: BUT THEY SAID!
Me: So did you.
Sweetie: But I crossed my paws.
MoonCat: I said bulldogs were dumb. I take that back. For the moment.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
That’s What They Said – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the treats aren’t here.
Me: Nope. Not yet.
Sweetie: But they said they would be here!
Me: Yeah, that’s what they said.
Sweetie: But they’re not here and they said!
Doodlebug: I got my hopes all up. If they didn’t mean it, they shouldn’t have said it.
Sweetie: Nobody should say what they don’t mean! Fine! When the treats come, give mine to the cat.
MoonCat: That’s what I said.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Table Talk – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why do humans sit by their empty bowls for so long?
Sweetie: Yeah. The food is gone and you all just sit and sit and sit…
Me: We like to talk around the table sometimes.
Sweetie: …and sit and sit…
Me: We did stay at the table quite a while, I’ll admit. People like to visit over meals.
Doodlebug: Aren’t you afraid someone will lick your empty bowl?
MoonCat: Unlike bulldogs, humans have better manners than that.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Confused Sky – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, it’s different today.
Me: Well, every day is, isn’t it?
Sweetie: Now the air is almost warm.
Doodlebug: Yeah, it was cold and then warm, and cold, and then warm. The sky is confused.
Sweetie: Yeah, pick something and stick with it.
MoonCat: The earth is not a restaurant and the sky is not a menu. Hey, Bulldogs, it’s not the sky that’s confused.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Foot Stompin’ Good Time – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Look, Lady Human! On the Big Picture Box! Lots of humans acting crazy. Like humans.
Me: No, they’re just dancing.
Doodlebug: It looks like they’re stomping on bugs. Must be a lot of bugs in that place.
Sweetie: They seem to be having a good time. Stomp those bugs! Stomp those bugs!
MoonCat: Nobody understands good foot stomping like a bulldog, unless it’s a bunch of humans stomping on bugs and calling it dancing.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 