I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Someone (possibly Lady Human) has messed up my only walkway to the backyard. My feet are special and I will not risk them by walking through the wetness. Nasty! Lady Human and the others must stop using the backyard as a toilet.
Me: Excuse me?
Stella: Sorry, Lady Human. Not this time.
Me: I’ll have you know that I do not go to the bathroom in the yard! Or anywhere outside! I am a human and our toilets are inside the house.
Stella: A thing that I have never understood. How unfair! Indoor toilets should be available to all.
Me: I have a pretty good imagination, but I have a hard time imagining a bulldog using a human toilet. Not saying impossible. Just saying unlikely and slightly dangerous.
Stella: But the mess! Someone peed on my walkway! I don’t care who did it (though I still doubt your denial). Yuck! I am not walking through that.
Me: I am hosing it off.
Stella: All that does is spread it around. Ewww. You expect me to get my tootsies wet with pee water?
Me: It’s not pee water, Stella. Look, do you want to go out by the driveway – your rainy-day spot?
Stella: Yes, yes, yes!
Me: All right. But I’m telling you that I just hosed off all the nasty stuff.
Stella: My nose tells me different. I’ve told you before. Millions of nasal receptors cannot be wrong.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.