No Dog in The Fight – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something loud is going on over there.

Me: Yeah, but not our business.

Doodlebug: What if the loud comes over here?

Me: Then it would be our business. For right now, we’ve got no dog in the fight.

Sweetie: Of course not. We are here and we’re not fighting.

Me: It’s an old expression. It means mind your own business. Keep your nose to yourself.

MoonCat: We cats always keep our noses to ourselves. But then our noses are much smaller than the nasal organs of bulldogs or humans so…no cat in this fight.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Cracking Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. YAWN.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the sky is cracking into pieces. Please go put it back together and tell it to be quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.

Me: It’s just a big thunderstorm. A front is moving through. The sky will be fine.

Doodlebug: Why now? Can’t these things be arranged for a more convenient time?

Me: Nope.

MoonCat: Thankfully there are a few things humans can’t schedule. That gives me hope.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

In a Jiffy – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I need to go out, Lady Human!

Me: Okay, my hands are full. In a jiffy!

Sweetie: Jiffy? Where?

Me:  It means in a fraction of a second.

Doodlebug: A second?

Me: (snapping fingers) Like that quick. Quicker than you can imagine. So quick that…

Doodlebug: Uh-oh.

MoonCat: I think we passed the jiffy point.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Head Scratching – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, do you have an infestation? You keep scratching your head.

Me: No, it’s just dry, flaky scalp. Why are you scratching your head now?

Sweetie: It looked fun so I thought I’d do it, too.

Doodlebug: Me, too. Ahhh, so good.

Me: This is contagious. I wonder why.

MoonCat: Don’t look at me. It’s a real head-scratcher.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Dream Grit – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, hold still so I can clean the grit off your eyelid.

Sweetie: NO! NOBODY TOUCHES THE EYE!

Me: Not the eyeball. Just the corner where the sleep collects.

Doodlebug: The sleep?

Me: Yeah, my parents called it that. The grit or sand that collects while we sleep. They said the sandman brought it while we dreamed, but…

Sweetie: Who is this sandman and why did y’all let him break into the house?

Me: It’s just a story. Nobody came in for real. It’s all made-up.

MoonCat: Made-up? Then I have a question. Where did the made-up dream grit come from?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

You Call That Singing? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, are you in pain?

Me: No. Why?

Sweetie: That terrible high-pitched scream coming out of your mouth.

Me: I was singing.

Doodlebug: Is singing what humans do when they are in pain?

Me: Singing is music. It’s supposed to sound good.

Sweetie: Oh, no! MoonCat, did that sound good to you?

MoonCat: It’s all a matter of taste really. Hold onto your ears while I share my feline style of singing. I think you’ll understand.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Permission List Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Item 2 on the Bulldog Permission List…

Me: How long is this list?

Sweetie: Too long to count. Item 2…no…wait…I haven’t made that one up yet.

MoonCat: Welcome to “Bulldog Imaginary World”, run by bulldogs, for bulldogs, and not very well run at that.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Permission List – Part 1 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I have an announcement. Due to strange things that happen around here, I have made a list of permitted behavior.

Me: Oh, goody. I was waiting for a bulldog to tell us what we are allowed to do.

Sweetie: First, Lady Human may crochet so long as she does not make sweaters.

Me: How about hats?

Sweetie: Hats for humans only. And cats. Cats can have hats.

MoonCat: I beg to differ.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

No Sweaters! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you playing with long string? You are not a cat, are you?

Sweetie: You’re not a secret cat, are you? Because that would be too weird for words.

Me: I’m not a cat, secret or otherwise. No, the string is yarn and I am crocheting.

Sweetie: But that’s where sweaters come from!

Doodlebug: No sweaters!

Sweetie: No sweaters!

Me: I’m crocheting a little amigurami toy as a gift. 

Sweetie: Phew! That was a close call.

MoonCat: You wouldn’t happen have some leftovers of that yarn, would you? I ever so love that stuff. BUT NO SWEATERS!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Stomach Clock – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh, Lady Human, what’s happening?

Baby and Bud: Chirp. Tweet.

Sweetie: Why are the birds eating now?

Me: It’s their evening meal. You watch. They do that every day about this time.

Sweetie: Do they tell time from that clock with the moving sticks the way you do?

Me: No, more like they use their stomach clock.

Doodlebug: I want one of those.

Me: Y’all each have one already.

Doodlebug: Huh. I don’t feel it.

Me: You feel it four times a day. Morning. Lunchtime. Afternoon. Evening.

Sweetie: Why don’t the little clock sticks tickle?

MoonCat: Lady Human, they believe every single thing you tell them. Now they believe they have physical clocks in their bellies. That’s just sad. Please, please be careful what you tell them next. No daggers in the eyes. No fire-breathing noses. Beliefs carry consequences. And there’s no telling where bulldog consequences may end up.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

MORE! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: That was good, Lady Human, but not nearly enough.

Me: That’s all for now.

Sweetie: MORE!

Me: Yelling won’t get you more.

Doodlebug: What if we both yell? MORE!

Me: Even less likely you’ll get more. More will make you bloated and you’ll feel bad.

Sweetie: Then how come I want more?

Me: One of the great philosophical questions of our time.

MoonCat: The answer is obvious. Need I say it aloud. Oh, all right. BULLDOG!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Do You Smell? Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, just how weak is your nose? Can you smell what I’m thinking?

Me: Uh…no. Sometimes I can look at you and tell what you are thinking. Like when you are side glancing at your empty food bowl.

Doodlebug: Seeing is fine. Smelling is so much better.

Sweetie: Yeah, smelling can tell you things eyes never can, like whether or not someone is likeable or trustworthy or kind. Or interesting.

MoonCat: Or if they have treats in their pocket. Admit it, bulldogs. That’s what’s really interesting to you.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Do You Smell? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, do you smell?

Me: You mean do I stink?

Sweetie: Well, of course you stink. You’re a human. No, I mean can you smell stuff?

Me: Yeah, but not a fraction as well as y’all can.

Doodlebug: Can you smell when somebody you know has passed by a spot?

Me: Only if they’re wearing perfume. Or, well, doing something else.

Sweetie: Can you scent when someone is in a bad mood and you should stay away?

Me: No, but I sure wish I could.

MoonCat: Can you scent when the air is stale because bulldogs have been opening their wide mouths too much, polluting the air? I sure can.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Deep Well at the End of the Earth – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: There sits the deep well. It is full of water. Beyond that is the end of the earth.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Sweetie: Hear it moan under its load.

Me: That’s because it’s a washing machine.

Doodlebug: It is moaning though.

Me: It’s a loud washing machine. Nice of you to wax poetic about it, Sweetie. That makes doing the wash seem special.

MoonCat: Beyond the moaning machine lays the land of cat quietude where is posted in shining words: No Bulldogs Allowed!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Empty Noggins – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, how come the blank stares?

Sweetie: Blank?

Doodlebug: Stares? Like the ones we walk up and down? I hate those.

Me: Blank stares as in you look like you don’t have a thought in your heads. Empty noggins.

Sweetie: I don’t have a noggin.

Doodlebug: Me either. You didn’t see me take one. Or did you? If I did, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take anyone’s noggin.

Me:  An empty noggin is an empty head.

Sweetie: My noggin’s not empty. I have lots of snot in it.

MoonCat: That explains an awful lot.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Bulldog Plan – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I have a bulldog plan so that what happened yesterday will never happen again. No more loud booms. No more bullhorns.

Doodlebug: Yes, leave the bulls alone with their horns.

Me: Sounds interesting. What’s the plan?

Sweetie: Humans don’t do anything anymore. Bulldogs run it all.

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: Admit it, ma’am. Humans have been fouling stuff up for a long time. Bulldogs would do a better job.

Me: I have trouble picturing that.

MoonCat: Picture this. A total disaster where nothing works and bulldogs have chewed everything up. Then they’ve deposited their “stuff” everywhere before snoring loudly through their numerous naps. An occasional loud noise instead? I can live with that.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

KA-BOOM! WHAT WAS THAT??? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: REALLY? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? WHAT WAS THAT HUGE BOOM NOISE?

Me: Stay back! Let me check. Quiet down. A man is speaking through a bullhorn.

Doodlebug: How did a human get a bull to let him use his horn?

Me: It’s a device that makes your voice louder. It’s the police. I can’t make out what he’s saying. He’s pausing after he talks. It’s pitch dark outside. I can’t see a thing. No flashing lights or nothing.

Sweetie: I’ll bet you dimes to donuts it’s humans acting up. Bulldogs would never be this rude.

Me: Where did you hear “dimes to donuts”?

Sweetie: Tall Man. He knows everything.

Me: Well, he’s still asleep, so he doesn’t know about this. There’s nothing to do here. We’ll find out later. I’m going back to bed.

MoonCat: Sanity prevails.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.