Paper Staring – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Psst, Doodle. What is Lady Human staring at?

Doodlebug: Nothing interesting. Something in one of those books you bumped into.

Sweetie: It looks like those little marks she scratches onto the poor blank paper, only neater.

Doodlebug: Why do humans spend so much time staring at little marks on paper? There are so many other things to stare at.

Sweetie: Like food.

Doodlebug: And more food.

MoonCat: Priorities.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Whistling Winds – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, someone is whistling loudly outside the window. It’s annoying when I’m trying to think my own thoughts. Make them stop.

Me: That’s the wind. A cold front is moving in.

Doodlebug: Why does it have to make so much noise? It’s bad enough that it’s made my nose cold.

Me: I don’t believe the wind did that on its own.

Sweetie: Cold or not, I prefer silence.

MoonCat: I prefer silence, too. From bulldogs, but I don’t get it. I simply cover my ears. That works for whistling winds, too.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Perk Up Your Ears – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Ears are important, Lady Human.

Me: Yes, they are. Not just having them, but using them.

Sweetie: Do you use your ears?

Me: Yes. A lot. Sometimes. Maybe not.

Doodlebug: Perk ’em up, ma’am. We have a list of demands.

MoonCat: Don’t perk ’em up too much. Bulldog demands can be long and extremely loud. In fact, I think I’ll tuck mine down.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Overstacked – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olded English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Run! Run! Run! Slide! Wee! Uh-oh. Clunk.

Me: Okay, that’s why no running in the house. All that stack of books knocked down. Are you alright?

Sweetie: Huh, yeah. What a mess! If that stack hadn’t been taller than me, well, it wouldn’t have been taller than me and wouldn’t have tumbled so far.

Doodlebug: Next time, try stacking a bunch of trash bags filled with yummy leftovers. They are softer and smell better.

MoonCat: How about next time, no running in the house! You might disturb the cat.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Clean Out Your Ears – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what silly thing do you have in mind?

Doodlebug: I spy with my little bulldog eye CLOTH AND EARDROPS!

Sweetie: What a wicked, sneaky plan! And we were peacefully minding our own business.

Me: Hey, maybe you’ll hear better with less gunk in your ears.

Sweetie: Nothing is that important to hear!

MoonCat: Now hear this! My ears are clean and fully functional. No further action is required.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Warm Towel Weather – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I hear the bathtub filling with water, Lady Human. You aren’t plotting to give us a bath, are you?

Doodlebug: An uncalled for, unnecessary bath?

Sweetie: In cold weather?

Doodlebug: On a chilly day?

Me: No, it’s not for y’all. I’ll just warm my towels and…

Sweetie: Warm?

Doodlebug: Towels?

MoonCat: I’ll take the warm towels, thank you. Throw away the bathtub. Its services are never required.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noses in the Air – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you pointing your nose toward the sky?

Me: I smell a slight scent on the air.

Doodlebug: Let me try. Mmmm, nope. Nothing.

Sweetie: Me neither. You smell it because you’re so tall.

Doodlebug: Let us climb on your shoulders so we can smell it, too.

Me: 160 pounds of bulldog. Not gonna happen.

MoonCat: Cats have advantages over bulldogs. We climb heights to thrust our noses in the air. No human boosters required.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Paper Scratching – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: That pointy stick in your hand is making that scratchy noise again, Lady Human.

Me: Yeah, that happens.

Doodlebug: Is the paper stuff itchy so you have to scratch it?

Me: Huh? No, paper isn’t alive. It has no feeling of its own.

Sweetie: So you make the stick mark it up so you will feel something.

Me: Well…I guess so. Pens don’t tell themselves what to write.

MoonCat: Poor old paper. It looked so nice and clean before all that scratching.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

In a Huff – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, why are you looking so grumpy dog?

Sweetie: How do the humans put it? I’m in a huff. In a snit. Ticked off. Pissed off. In a word, miffed.

Doodlebug: The humans must get that way a lot. They have so many words for it.

Me:  But how come you’re in a bad mood?

Sweetie: How should I know? I just am! Is that all right with you? Don’t look at me!

Me: Okay. Been there and done that before. Take a nap. And here’s a treat.

MoonCat: Oh, fine! Reward the irritable! At least I have the courtesy to keep my huffiness to myself. Hey! Don’t look at me!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Sound Bulldog Advice – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, we know how to break your chocolate fixation. Every time you want to pick up a piece of chocolate, stop.

Me: Easily said. Not as easily done.

Doodlebug: Stop and turn around and go get us a treat instead.

Sweetie: And you never want to give us too many treats, do you? Even though there is no such thing as too many treats for bulldogs, so…

Doodlebug: You will stop thinking of your treats so much.

Sweetie: Because you don’t want us to get fat from too many treats, even though there is no such thing as too many treats for bulldogs.

Me: Hmmm. Practiced distraction. Redirection. It might work.

MoonCat: Good advice from bulldogs? Wonders never cease. Distract some cat treats my way while you’re at it.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Intervention – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, is that yet another chocolate bar you’re holding?

Sweetie: Tucked safely away in your front pocket with your floppy sleeve covering it?

Doodlebug: Hiding it from man and beast?

Me: Maybe.

Sweetie: Psst! Doodle, we could snatch it and bury it in the backyard. Then the ants could eat it and Lady Human would be saved.

Doodlebug: No, she’d worry that we had eaten it and we can’t have chocolate at all. But we could stare at her until she gets embarrassed.

Sweetie: She’s already embarrassed or she wouldn’t be hiding it.

MoonCat: No chocolate! Never! Sneaking rich treats? Shameful behavior. Unless, of course, it’s a sardine and I’m doing the sneaking. Then it’s perfectly justified.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Running Head Start – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I’m going outside to feed the chickens. Give me and them about a running head start of about 10 seconds.

Sweetie: To start their heads? Don’t chickens run around with their heads on?

Doodlebug: It’s so they won’t get all scared by our big bulldog faces.

Sweetie: But why do you get a head start, Lady Human? Not fair! And what does “about 10 seconds” mean?

MoonCat: Continue discussing. Meanwhile, I’ll simply stay where I comfortably am, giving me a head start over bulldogs, chickens, and humans, as is my due.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Curtain Call – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: How come you do that every night with the parakeets’ cage, Lady Human?

Me: You mean why do I cover it and pull the curtain around it?

Doodlebug: They can’t see out. It’s completely black.

Me: That way they get uninterrupted sleep.

Sweetie: But we don’t have curtains.

Doodlebug: How are we going to get uninterrupted sleep?

Me: I believe you already have that figured out.

MoonCat: Yes, the deep resonant bulldog snores testify to it.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

What Are You Hiding? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you hiding behind your back?

Me: Hiding? Who says I’m hiding anything? Maybe my hand is just resting on my back.

Doodlebug: Then why does it smell like a treat?

Me: Okay, I confess to having a small chocolate bar, but y’all cannot have chocolate at all. I was trying to keep you from temptation.

Sweetie: Then who’s going to eat it?

Me: Well…

MoonCat: Rules for thee, but not for me, huh?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noisy Night – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: How come, Lady Human?

Me: Sounds like an open-ended question. How come what?

Sweetie: How come humans love to make loud, useless noises like they did again last night?

Doodlebug: Yeah. Blowing up parts of the sky. When we make noise, it’s because we want something like…you know, everything.

Sweetie: Even the chickens and the rooster have reasons for their loud, annoying clucking and crowing. But humans just make noise to make noise.

Me: I don’t know why. We do make a lot of unnecessary noises. I never thought about it before.

MoonCat: Hence it keeps happening.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Misbehavior – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, why do humans get to misbehave all the time? You don’t like it when we misbehave.

Me: So you’re admitting that y’all do misbehave.

Doodlebug: No.

Sweetie: I admit no such thing.

MoonCat: We have the right to remain silent.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

You’ve Got a Big Mouth – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I can’t believe she said I’ve got a big mouth! I said nothing!

Sweetie: Who said that, Lady Human? You don’t have a big mouth at all. It’s really tiny.

Me:  Humans say that when they think somebody is talking about them. Size is not the issue.

Doodlebug: I beg to differ, ma’am.

Sweetie: When it comes to mouths, size is always the issue.

MoonCat: Bulldogs would know.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Fancy Dogs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Look at that on the Big Picture Box, Lady Human. Is that a dog?

Me: Yeah, it’s a poodle. You’ve seen poodles before.

Sweetie: Not one wearing a wig and a shiny stone necklace. Prancing around. Thinks she’s so special. Miss Fancy!

Doodlebug: Oh, her? Ho-hum. Who cares?

Me: I don’t think that’s a wig. She’s been groomed. It’s some kind of show.

Sweetie: I’ll show her!

Me: Are you jealous?

Sweetie: A bulldog jealous of a non-bulldog? Ridiculous!

MoonCat: Uh-huh.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Super Bulldog Slurping – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Can y’all pull back on the super doggy slurping a little?

Sweetie: No way, Lady Human. To slurp is to enjoy life.

Doodlebug: If you’ve got a big mouth, use it.

MoonCat: Or not, as the case may be.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Silent Night? – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What happened, Lady Human? No big kabooms last night.

Doodlebug: Yeah, it really was Silent Night. Except for big rolling boxes. And random gunfire.

Me: Okaaay. As I said, the fireworks people shot their wad the night before last.

Sweetie: And didn’t save any for the big day? How stingy!

Me: Y’all didn’t like the noise anyway. And maybe they saved some money to buy treats for their animals.

Sweetie: Oh, well, that’s alright then.

Doodlebug: Yeah, animal treats instead of…

MoonCat: …making big kaboom holes in the sky?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.