SHHH! Not Out Loud! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, who needs to go potty?

Sweetie: Lady Human! Don’t talk about that! It’s not polite.

Me: A bulldog lecturing me about being polite? It’s a lot less polite if someone has an accident on the floor because they didn’t accept the outdoor invitation.

Doodlebug: I heard the little human say that people were telling too many potty jokes. Humans are so weird. What’s funny about potty time?

Sweetie: Now you’ve got Doodlebug talking about it.

Me: How about this? I open the door and you each decide whether or not to accept the…outdoor opportunity?

Sweetie: To do what?

Me and Doodlebug: POTTY!

MoonCat: I’m so glad I have other arrangements.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

All Wound Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, what are you doing? Dancing?

Sweetie: Just got to keep moving, moving moving. Tapping. Jumping. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.

Doodlebug: Do stop! It’s annoying.

Me: I could use some of whatever it is you’re traveling on. I don’t even feel that wound up after I’ve had my coffee.

Sweetie: It’s in the air. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you hear it? Buzz, buzz, buzz. Hum. Hum. Hum.

MoonCat: Whatever it is, don’t share it with me. My unwound world is just fine, thank you.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Separate Corners – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Back off, Doodle!

Doodlebug: No, you back off!

Me: Both of you back off! Sweetie, go to that corner! Doodlebug, you head over to that corner! If y’all can’t behave, I have to separate you.

Sweetie: I don’t know if I like this corner. There are other corners. What about that one over there?

MoonCat: That corner is mine. ‘Nough said.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stay Away from the Edge – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: There is this cool table outside, Lady Human!

Me: I know it well.

Sweetie: Have you stood on it?

Me: Not a pastime of mine.

Doodlebug: I don’t stand on things. I’m tall enough as is.

Sweetie: I looked down at the ground so far below me and it was calling me to jump.

Me: No, it wasn’t.

Sweetie: And I started to put my foot right over the edge, just to do it, to dive into the air…

Me: Listen to me! Stay away from the edge! Resist the temptation.

Sweetie: Then why have the temptation?

Me: So you can learn to resist it.

Sweetie: I still think it would be a hoot.

Me: Until you smashed your chins and your shins on the beckoning ground.

MoonCat: I have four paws worth of sharp claw edge-grabber-temptation-resisters. They never fail me.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Tromping the Same Ole Ground – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard humans talking about taking a trip to some other place. Let’s do that.

Me: Easier said than done sometimes.

Sweetie: But tromping around on the same ole ground is SO BORING!

Doodlebug: Yeah, but it’s OUR ground and that makes it special.

Sweetie: Maybe if you threw a few more treats around, it would get interesting again.

MoonCat: Bribery makes a lot of things more interesting. It’s a good thing I’m not so easily bought.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Quiet Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Why are you so quiet, Lady Human? Is it human stuff again?

Me: Yeah.

Doodlebug: Why are you looking at the sky? Is there a storm?

Me: With humans, there’s always a storm somewhere. I like looking at the sky. It’s so big. It reminds me of the One Who made it all.

Sweetie: Bigger than the storm?

Me: Oh, yeah. And bigger than the humans.

MoonCat: Well, that’s good news.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Leaning Tower of Bulldogs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I don’t mind y’all sitting by me, but maybe you could sit a little bit straighter.

Sweetie: Why, Lady Human, we’re just giving you our support.

Me: Well, your support weighs about 160 pounds total and that’s a little more than I can manage.

MoonCat: Hmmm. Squashed by leaning bulldogs. I think I’ll move up to my high-rise apartment.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Artificial Pillow – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m going to snuggle right up here by you, Lady Human, and take my nap.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

Me: Is there enough room?

Sweetie: Sure, I’ll just put my front legs on this big artificial pillow. It looks fake, but…

Me: Ow! That’s not a pillow!

Doodlebug: Sure looks like one.

Me: That’s me! That’s my belly.

MoonCat: I have the right to remain silent. In fact, I will remain silent. Anything I say might be used to incriminate me later on.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bragging Rights – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. First, a few words about myself. I am the strongest, biggest bulldog ever…

Sweetie: Who gave you bragging rights? A few words about myself. I happen to be the strongest, smartest bulldog ever…

MoonCat: A few words about myself. Me and braggadocious bulldogs: YAWN!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Pleasant Surprise – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: It’s hot, Lady Human. Make it stop.

Me: Be patient. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by morning.

Sweetie: Oh, alright. No more complaining until morning.

MoonCat: That pleasant surprise would be a pleasant surprise.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Intruder Alert! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I smell a weirdness coming through the  kitchen window.

Doodlebug: My nose does, too. It’s a…

Sweetie: It’s not a…

Me: It’s a coyote. It’s climbed the short fence into the side yard.

Sweetie: What’s it after?

Me: The chickens, no doubt, but it can’t reach them.

Doodlebug: No! It can’t have them!

Sweetie: Intruder! Intruder!

Doodlebug: Lady Human, why are you banging on the glass?

Me: Surprise! It thought no one was around. It’s running off now.

Sweetie: Why didn’t you sic us on it? We’re more than a match for…

MoonCat: For a wild dog that has to hunt for its food every day, is spry and underweighs you by half, and has the common sense to leave while it can?

Sweetie: Well, at least we barked.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Not My Brand – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Look, y’all! New crackers! Haven’t had any in a while.

Sweetie: Hold up there, Lady Human. Wrong box. Wrong scent. Those aren’t my brand. Where are the good ones? You know, the cheese ones.

Doodlebug: I don’t care. I’ll take ’em as is. Mmmmm! Crunchy!

Sweetie: Doodle, all your taste is in your mouth. Hold out for the good stuff.

Doodlebug: Of course, all my taste is in my mouth. I can’t taste stuff with my toes.

MoonCat: Good thing, too, with all the stuff your big bulldog feet walk in. Say, Lady Human, how about my brand of snack? Pure tuna, no crackers allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hidden Treasure – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Quick! Put that down in there and kick dirt all over it.

Doodlebug: I’m hurrying.

Sweetie: Uh-oh.

Me: What? Okay, where’d the hole come from?

Doodlebug: It just appeared. Nobody dug it.

Me: Yep, sure. What’s in there?

Sweetie: Treasure.

Me: Your toys are going to get wet and muddy down there. They’re going back inside the house.

Sweetie: Oh, poo! A perfectly good backyard hole. Now what can we use it for?

MoonCat: Holes should be dug for one reason and one reason only and it is not to hide treasure. Cats understand this.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Refuse Pile of Notions – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, there are two big bags of stuff in my favorite napping spot. And they don’t even smell interesting.

Me: Oh, I’ll move them. Those are just some old supplies I gathered that I’ve never used. I had notions about crafting decorations and stuffed animals and crocheting some more sweaters, but I never…

Sweetie: NO! NO! NO MORE SWEATERS! EVER!

MoonCat: Lady Human, kindly drive any notion of putting a sweater on me right out of your head and into the nearest refuse pile. For once, Sweetie and I stand united.

©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Paw on the Shoulder – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, howcome uou’re all slumped over?

Me: Just human stuff.

Doodlebug: I’m so sorry you are a human. It sounds so hard. Except you can drive a rolling box and open doors with one paw and reach things that are up high and…

Sweetie: I think you need a paw on your shoulder.

Doodlebug: Or two paws.

MoonCat: Yes, that’s it. Many bulldog paws lighten load. Just don’t squash her!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Were You Yelling at Us? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what did you mean yelling out, “It’s right there where you threw it.”? I didn’t throw anything.

Me: I was talking to myself.

Doodlebug: Do you answer yourself?

Me: Yeah, all the time, mainly to yell at myself.

Sweetie: You yell at yourself? Cool!

MoonCat: If you need to yell at someone, you have my permission to yell at me. I’ll just ignore it as I ignore everything the bulldogs yell.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noses Are for Scenting – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a very limited notion of what bulldogs’ noses are good for.

Me: They’re not good stick holders. I know that.

Sweetie: But they scent a whole bunch more than human noses can. Like ka-billions and ka-billions times more.

Me: I don’t know what a “ka-billion” is, but yes, a whole lot more than humans.

Doodlebug: It was all part of the Great Creator’s plan.

Sweetie: Yes, He wanted us to rule the world with our noses.

Me: No, I’m for sure and certain it wasn’t for that.

MoonCat: In the great list of superpowers, I don’t see bulldog noses even near the top of the list.

©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noses Are For Breathing – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, what is sticking out of your nose?

Sweetie: I don’t know. A stick?

Me: Hold still. Yuck. How did that get in there?

Sweetie: I don’t know. Someone put it there.

Me: Yes. Someone named Sweetie. We do not pick up sticks with our noses.

Sweetie: It was just a little one. Now you’re blaming me for having a stick in my own nose. How rude!

Me: Noses are for breathing. Not for jamming things into. Take it easy when you go nasal exploring.

Sweetie: I’ll consider it.

MoonCat: Too little, too late.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.