A Bulldog Plan – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I have a bulldog plan so that what happened yesterday will never happen again. No more loud booms. No more bullhorns.

Doodlebug: Yes, leave the bulls alone with their horns.

Me: Sounds interesting. What’s the plan?

Sweetie: Humans don’t do anything anymore. Bulldogs run it all.

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: Admit it, ma’am. Humans have been fouling stuff up for a long time. Bulldogs would do a better job.

Me: I have trouble picturing that.

MoonCat: Picture this. A total disaster where nothing works and bulldogs have chewed everything up. Then they’ve deposited their “stuff” everywhere before snoring loudly through their numerous naps. An occasional loud noise instead? I can live with that.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

KA-BOOM! WHAT WAS THAT??? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: REALLY? IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY? WHAT WAS THAT HUGE BOOM NOISE?

Me: Stay back! Let me check. Quiet down. A man is speaking through a bullhorn.

Doodlebug: How did a human get a bull to let him use his horn?

Me: It’s a device that makes your voice louder. It’s the police. I can’t make out what he’s saying. He’s pausing after he talks. It’s pitch dark outside. I can’t see a thing. No flashing lights or nothing.

Sweetie: I’ll bet you dimes to donuts it’s humans acting up. Bulldogs would never be this rude.

Me: Where did you hear “dimes to donuts”?

Sweetie: Tall Man. He knows everything.

Me: Well, he’s still asleep, so he doesn’t know about this. There’s nothing to do here. We’ll find out later. I’m going back to bed.

MoonCat: Sanity prevails.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Brain Blabbing – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you mumbling under your breath? I don’t understand you.

Me: Brain blabbing. I don’t understand me either. Talk, talk, talk. Most of it total nonsense that hasn’t happened, won’t happen, maybe never even could happen.

Doodlebug: Oh, that stuff. Blah, blah, blah. I do that all the time, like this morning when those loud, humongous trucks came to grab trash cans and I thought, “Don’t come through that fence! What do I do if they come through that fence? Where do I run if they come through that fence? Should I run them off if they come through that fence?

MoonCat: Should I run through that fence to escape hearing about this fence nonevent?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Just Made It Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What was all that on the Big Picture Box last night, Lady Human? It was scary.

Me: Oh, that was just a story somebody made up.

Doodlebug: Made up?

Me: Yeah. Imagined. It didn’t happen in real life. They just made it look as though it did.

Doodlebug: Why ever would a human do that?

Me: Imagination is built into us by the Creator. You have it, too. Like when y’all dream. You’re asleep, but you’re barking and running. And the whole time, you’re just laying there on your bed. Well, humans dream, too, asleep and awake.

Sweetie: Like when Doodlebug makes up that he’s the King of the Olde English Bulldogges, whoever they are.

MoonCat: Watch out. Don’t go there.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Doggone! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Doggone it! Sorry, y’all! I got frustrated there when that thing wouldn’t come loose.

Sweetie: You barked, Lady Human! You barked out loud!

Me : Yeah. I let loose what my father used to call a fake cussword. Sorry.

Doodlebug: That’s okay. We get upset and bark, too. So where has that dog gone?

Me: What?

Sweetie: Yeah, where has the dog gone? I didn’t see it.

Me: No, there’s no other dog. That’s the fake cussword. It’s made up.

MoonCat: Uh-oh. I think we’ve entered one of those human arenas we should have left well enough alone.

©️  2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wait for It! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Here we go again.

Me: Sweetie, why are you staring at the clock?

Sweetie: Shhh! I’m waiting for the moving sticks on it to tell me when it’s time.

Me: Time for what?

Sweetie: I don’t know. I’ll know when it tells me.

Me: Clocks won’t tell you things…

Sweetie: Didn’t you say that clocks tell the time?

Me: Yeah, but…okay, you look at a clock and read its face for the time.

Sweetie: I thought you read books. Now you read faces, too?

MoonCat: Read my face.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

I Need New Parts – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you all bent over like that?

Me: Ugh, my back is tight. My legs are tight. I need new parts.

Sweetie: Oh, is that all?

Doodlebug: Bulldogs feel like that all the time.

Sweetie: Tall Man took old wheels off the rolling box and put new ones on and it rolled again just fine. Do that.

Me: Not the same.

Sweetie: How come? Seems the same to me.

MoonCat: In case it’s escaped your notice, humans don’t come equipped with wheels.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

It’s about that Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, where is our food, please?

Me: Oh, yeah, it’s about that time, isn’t it?

Sweetie: Oh, not that “time” thing again.

Me: Well, it’s on schedule.

Sweetie: But the other day, you changed the “time” when we ate, so this “schedule” thing must not be all that.

Doodlebug: And a bag of potato chips. Are potato chips on the “schedule” thing? ‘Cause I wouldn’t mind it if they were. Wonderful things, potato chips.

MoonCat: Wonderful things – regular meals and never being really hungry. Don’t forget the important stuff. And the occasional can of tunafish.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Saving Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I’ll be ready to play in a few minutes. Let me spend a little more time on this project.

Sweetie: What happened to all that time you saved the other day. Spend that and play now.

Me: That’s not exactly how it works.

Sweetie: It never is how humans say it is, is it, Lady Human?

MoonCat: It took a long time for you to figure that out, didn’t it?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Spending Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, to save some time later, I’m going to feed y’all now.

Sweetie: If you do it now, how does that save time later?

Me: Well, true. The time is still spent.

Sweetie: This time thing has gotten out of control, Lady Human. Now it’s changing when we eat! EATING! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!

Doodlebug: And isn’t “spent” what you did with that serious stuff you call “money”?

MoonCat: I can tell this conversation is going to take some time.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Take a Load Off – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Sit down, Lady Human. Take a load off.

Me: Just one more thing.

Doodlebug: Yeah, take a load off. A load off of what?

Sweetie: Her feet. She’s only got two of them. And, I mean, look at her. Would you want to carry all that on only two feet?

MoonCat: Oh, my.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Branches – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Why are these tree arms on the ground? Didn’t the trees want them anymore?

Me: Some trees like pecan trees self-prune.

Doodlebug: Sounds painful.

Me: It can be.

Sweetie: Why do it then?

Me: It can be more painful in the long run not to.

MoonCat: Don’t look at me. I like my limbs just fine.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Silence, Please! – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Roo Roo the Rooster is at it again, Lady Human.

Doodlebug: Yeah, he needs one of those clocks we were talking about because it is way past sunup.

Sweetie: And he is way too loud. Is he in a contest or something?

Baby and Bud: AACCKK! Loud enough?

Me: Sorry, y’all. His head is bigger and his throat is wider than yours. A different fowl altogether.

Baby and Bud: Awwww.

Me: You’re plenty loud on your own.

MoonCat: I’m glad somebody finally said it.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Timetable – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: You have dodged my question, Lady Human. What is time? And what does it have to do with those boxes in your hands or those circles on the wall with moving sticks stuck on them?

Doodlebug: I do like the one with the skinny red moving stick that goes around and around and around…

Sweetie: Yes, I know. Tedious.

Me: You know how the sky gets dark and then it gets light again. Well, people measure time on earth by how fast the earth turns in front of the sun. So if a clock says 8 a.m., we have a good idea how much light there is left in the day.

Sweetie: So the clock is time.

Me: No, clocks measure time here on earth and the time it tells is different depending on where you are.

Sweetie: Tedious.

Me: You have no idea.

MoonCat: Yeah, I have an idea, just by listening to y’all talk about it.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Timetable – Part I – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Why do humans talk about what time it is? What is time?

Me: If you want the scientific explanation, I’m not really qualified to give it.

Sweetie: If ” scientific” means human, no, thank you. I want the real answer.

MoonCat: The real answer? You can’t handle the real answer.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Never Wasteful – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that delicious smell-good that is invading my nose? Ooh, it’s coming from the bag in the kitchen.

Me: No, no, no! That’s trash!

Doodlebug: It doesn’t smell like trash. Well, maybe it does. But that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes.

Me: There are no goodies in there for anybody. You’re probably smelling the greasy food leftovers from last night.

Sweetie: I must have missed that. Give me my greasy leftovers.

Me: Sorry, hon, they would upset your stomach.

Sweetie: Never waste food. A bulldog’s mouth is the perfect trash bag.

MoonCat: An accurate description if I ever heard one.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Human Error – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you rummaging for?

Me: Oh, that grocery delivery yesterday was short a few items. They charged for them, but didn’t bring them.

Sweetie: Why?

Me: Somebody just didn’t load them up.

Sweetie: You mean a human made a MISTAKE! Do humans make mistakes?

Me: Where can I even begin?

Doodlebug: At the beginning.

Sweetie: We have all day.

MoonCat: I think this talk may take a lot longer than a day.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved

Food Fight – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Y’all stand back. Grocery delivery is here.

Sweetie: I’ll get it.

Me: No, I’ll get it.

Doodlebug: But it’s our food.

Me: Not this time. This food is for humans.

Doodlebug: Unbelievable!

Sweetie: How selfish!

MoonCat: You wouldn’t happen to be getting any human quality tunafish in those bags, would you? Because if you are…

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.