Artificial Pillow – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m going to snuggle right up here by you, Lady Human, and take my nap.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

Me: Is there enough room?

Sweetie: Sure, I’ll just put my front legs on this big artificial pillow. It looks fake, but…

Me: Ow! That’s not a pillow!

Doodlebug: Sure looks like one.

Me: That’s me! That’s my belly.

MoonCat: I have the right to remain silent. In fact, I will remain silent. Anything I say might be used to incriminate me later on.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bragging Rights – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. First, a few words about myself. I am the strongest, biggest bulldog ever…

Sweetie: Who gave you bragging rights? A few words about myself. I happen to be the strongest, smartest bulldog ever…

MoonCat: A few words about myself. Me and braggadocious bulldogs: YAWN!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Pleasant Surprise – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: It’s hot, Lady Human. Make it stop.

Me: Be patient. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by morning.

Sweetie: Oh, alright. No more complaining until morning.

MoonCat: That pleasant surprise would be a pleasant surprise.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Intruder Alert! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I smell a weirdness coming through the  kitchen window.

Doodlebug: My nose does, too. It’s a…

Sweetie: It’s not a…

Me: It’s a coyote. It’s climbed the short fence into the side yard.

Sweetie: What’s it after?

Me: The chickens, no doubt, but it can’t reach them.

Doodlebug: No! It can’t have them!

Sweetie: Intruder! Intruder!

Doodlebug: Lady Human, why are you banging on the glass?

Me: Surprise! It thought no one was around. It’s running off now.

Sweetie: Why didn’t you sic us on it? We’re more than a match for…

MoonCat: For a wild dog that has to hunt for its food every day, is spry and underweighs you by half, and has the common sense to leave while it can?

Sweetie: Well, at least we barked.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Loudest Mouths – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, how come birds are so loud, louder than anything else, louder than bulldogs?

Me: You mean because of the cacophony we were just treated to from the chickens and the parakeets?

Doodlebug: It doesn’t seem right.

Sweetie: They squawk and yell and cockadoodle-doo for no reason at all.

Doodlebug: And it doesn’t make sense.

MoonCat: Hmmm. Doesn’t seem right and doesn’t make sense. Sounds like some four-legged critters I know.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Marching in Place – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Hey, what’s all the foot action?

Sweetie: Can’t bulldogs pretend to be marching without a thousand questions?

Me: You’re marching in place? Cute. I’ll bet you learned that from watching the birds march in step up and down their perches.

Bud and Baby: 1 ack, 2 ack, 3 ack, 4 ack.

Doodlebug: 1 ack, 2 ack, 3, ack, 4…

Sweetie: Cut the birdie talk, Doodle. It’s undignified.

Doodlebug: It helps me keep time.

Sweetie: No fair. They copied us.

MoonCat: Let me try a cadence. Bulldogs, about face! March! 1 and 2 and 3 and 4, down the hall and through the door!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Not My Brand – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Look, y’all! New crackers! Haven’t had any in a while.

Sweetie: Hold up there, Lady Human. Wrong box. Wrong scent. Those aren’t my brand. Where are the good ones? You know, the cheese ones.

Doodlebug: I don’t care. I’ll take ’em as is. Mmmmm! Crunchy!

Sweetie: Doodle, all your taste is in your mouth. Hold out for the good stuff.

Doodlebug: Of course, all my taste is in my mouth. I can’t taste stuff with my toes.

MoonCat: Good thing, too, with all the stuff your big bulldog feet walk in. Say, Lady Human, how about my brand of snack? Pure tuna, no crackers allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hidden Treasure – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Quick! Put that down in there and kick dirt all over it.

Doodlebug: I’m hurrying.

Sweetie: Uh-oh.

Me: What? Okay, where’d the hole come from?

Doodlebug: It just appeared. Nobody dug it.

Me: Yep, sure. What’s in there?

Sweetie: Treasure.

Me: Your toys are going to get wet and muddy down there. They’re going back inside the house.

Sweetie: Oh, poo! A perfectly good backyard hole. Now what can we use it for?

MoonCat: Holes should be dug for one reason and one reason only and it is not to hide treasure. Cats understand this.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Refuse Pile of Notions – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, there are two big bags of stuff in my favorite napping spot. And they don’t even smell interesting.

Me: Oh, I’ll move them. Those are just some old supplies I gathered that I’ve never used. I had notions about crafting decorations and stuffed animals and crocheting some more sweaters, but I never…

Sweetie: NO! NO! NO MORE SWEATERS! EVER!

MoonCat: Lady Human, kindly drive any notion of putting a sweater on me right out of your head and into the nearest refuse pile. For once, Sweetie and I stand united.

©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Paw on the Shoulder – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, howcome uou’re all slumped over?

Me: Just human stuff.

Doodlebug: I’m so sorry you are a human. It sounds so hard. Except you can drive a rolling box and open doors with one paw and reach things that are up high and…

Sweetie: I think you need a paw on your shoulder.

Doodlebug: Or two paws.

MoonCat: Yes, that’s it. Many bulldog paws lighten load. Just don’t squash her!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Were You Yelling at Us? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what did you mean yelling out, “It’s right there where you threw it.”? I didn’t throw anything.

Me: I was talking to myself.

Doodlebug: Do you answer yourself?

Me: Yeah, all the time, mainly to yell at myself.

Sweetie: You yell at yourself? Cool!

MoonCat: If you need to yell at someone, you have my permission to yell at me. I’ll just ignore it as I ignore everything the bulldogs yell.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noses Are for Scenting – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a very limited notion of what bulldogs’ noses are good for.

Me: They’re not good stick holders. I know that.

Sweetie: But they scent a whole bunch more than human noses can. Like ka-billions and ka-billions times more.

Me: I don’t know what a “ka-billion” is, but yes, a whole lot more than humans.

Doodlebug: It was all part of the Great Creator’s plan.

Sweetie: Yes, He wanted us to rule the world with our noses.

Me: No, I’m for sure and certain it wasn’t for that.

MoonCat: In the great list of superpowers, I don’t see bulldog noses even near the top of the list.

©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Noses Are For Breathing – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, what is sticking out of your nose?

Sweetie: I don’t know. A stick?

Me: Hold still. Yuck. How did that get in there?

Sweetie: I don’t know. Someone put it there.

Me: Yes. Someone named Sweetie. We do not pick up sticks with our noses.

Sweetie: It was just a little one. Now you’re blaming me for having a stick in my own nose. How rude!

Me: Noses are for breathing. Not for jamming things into. Take it easy when you go nasal exploring.

Sweetie: I’ll consider it.

MoonCat: Too little, too late.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Problem? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m taking this.

Doodlebug: Out of my way. Leave something for me. This! This is perfect.

Sweetie: Leave the small stuff.

Me: Hold on just a minute!

Sweetie: Okay.

Me: How did y’all…who opened the door to the clothes dryer?

Doodlebug: No one will ever know.

Sweetie: Problem?

Me: Yes. Those are my freshly washed clothes. Well, they were. You’ve never done this before. It’s like you’re trying to invent problems.

MoonCat: And succeeding quite well.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Who? Me? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay. Who made this mess?

Doodlebug: Let me see it. Hmmm. Doesn’t look like one of my messes. May I lick it up?

Me: No, sir. Sweetie?

Sweetie: The snail did it.

Me: This is not a snail trail.

Sweetie: Well, of course, it would deny it. Or blame some innocent bulldog.

MoonCat: Innocent bulldog? A mythological creature that never existed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Bathroom Just for Us – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, Tall Man has brought a monster dirt-sucking machine inside and it sounds horrible.

Me: Yeah, but not for long. He is doing a huge renovation on the main bathroom. That means it will be like new.

Sweetie: A new bathroom just for us! Great!

Doodlebug: I can’t believe it! Our own bathroom!

Me: Well now, it’s not for y’all…

Sweetie: I’ve waited my whole life…

MoonCat: Sharing a bathroom with bulldogs has never been on my list of things to do. It still isn’t.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Keep Your Mess at Home – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, someone has slimed the floor and, for once, it wasn’t me.

Me: That’s from a snail. Look, it’s squeezed back outside.

Doodlebug: Where does it live?

Me: In that big shell on its back.

Sweetie: A house on its back. Well, keep your slime in your own house and stay out of ours!

MoonCat: Snails sliming the place at night? The old “sleep with one eye open” rule still holds true. Don’t get slimed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Sneaky Human Problem – Part 2 – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The problem with sneaky humans is you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You know, treats and food and water and a roof and blankets…

Doodlebug: You may even love them. Hey, birdies, what do you do about cold feet in the winter?

Bud and Baby: Eck. Eck. Sit on them. Warm feathers, warm feet.

MoonCat: The most sensible thing I’ve ever heard. What a nice change.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.