No Halfway – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Let me say at the outset that I never do anything wrong, but if I ever did, I would do it without holding back. Just like Sweetie is doing to Lady Human’s big blue chair.

Me: What? Oh, Sweetie! No!

Sweetie: Hmmm?

Me: The arm of my chair is soaked with your mouth drool! How long have you been licking there? It couldn’t be wetter if someone poured water on it.

Sweetie: Thank you for noticing, Lady Human. Whatever I do, it’s 110% or nothing. No halfway for me.

Doodlebug: And I think with that said, I’m going to take a nap.

MoonCat: Yes. I’m for doing nothing, too.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Construction Project Manager – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: All right. Here we are again. Why are you sitting on that piece of cardboard instead of your pile of comfy blankets or your padded bed or your big red cushion?

Sweetie: Allow me to explain, bulldog style. First, bring that very large open box over here.

Me: To put one cardboard box on top of a flattened cardboard box?

Sweetie nods.

Me: Now you are tapping the big red cushion which means you want that moved to the new cardboard box.

Sweetie nods.

Me: There. Per your command.

Sweetie: Naturally. Ahhhh. Nothing like efficient bulldog management.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Big Self/Small Spaces – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie, what in the world are you trying to do?

Sweetie: Isn’t it obvious, Lady Human? I’m going into that box for fun and exploration.

Me: The opening you are attempting to enter is about 6 inches wide. Your nose is bigger than that, not to mention your head or your shoulders.

Sweetie: My body follows where my nose tells it to go. Everything else has to get out of the way.

Me: You can’t fit.

Sweetie: Oh, Lady Human, how long have you known us? “Can’t” is not a word that fits in the bulldog dictionary.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Falling Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something very sad is happening. The sky is falling apart. Little pieces of it are falling to the ground. I have always liked looking at the sky, but now it is going away. I shall miss it.

Me: The sky is not falling.

Doodlebug: I beg to differ. Look. Watch out that it doesn’t hit you.

MoonCat: Meow. I don’t go outside. Problem solved.

Me: What you are seeing are snow flurries, tiny ice crystals. I know you don’t remember, but we have seen them before.

Doodlebug: Wait. Snow. I’ve heard that word before.

Sweetie: And it covered the ground and swallowed our feet where we walked. NOOOO!

Me: It’ll be all right. There may not be that much this time.

Doodlebug: NOOOO! Swallowed feet!

Sweetie: NOOOO! Swallowed poop!

MoonCat: Now you see why I’m happy inside.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What is This Mess? – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is this in my bowl? I am accustomed to being served quality food in the style to which I have become accustomed.

Sweetie: Yeah. He means what is this mess?

Me: I home-cooked some fresh dog food for y’all.

Doodlebug: Oh, no.

Sweetie: Why should we eat that? You don’t even cook for yourself.

Me: Just taste it. It has good ingredients. Ground turkey and some carrots and chicken broth and…

Sweetie: Mmmm. I guess it’s okay.

Doidlebug: Yes, put a little more of that mess in my bowl. No, a little more. And some more. And a bigger spoonful than that and…

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Recycling Architect – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Sweetie is tearing up something! I don’t know why and I don’t know what.

Sweetie: Grrrrr! Move! Move! There! There!

Me: Oh, Sweetie. What are you doing in a cardboard box? I was going to put that out for the recycle people.

Sweetie: Grrrr! No need, ma’am. I’m recycling it myself. Repurposing. Reconditioning. All those fancy words the humans use, well, I’m DOING IT! BEHOLD! My new bedroom!

Me: Well…I’m…impressed. You knocked down one side of the box and dragged a blanket into it and made it just the right size for a new bed? In addition to the other two beds you already have. Okay. Why?

Sweetie: This is who I am. This is what I do. I’m not just a bulldog toilet engineer. Now I’m a bulldog architect. Don’t waste cardboard. Give it to me! I will reuse it! Wait. Look. There’s a plastic box over there! ANOTHER PROJECT! WOO HOO!

MoonCat: Meow. All right. Everyone hide. The bulldog has lost it.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Private Property – No Cats Allowed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, intruder alert!

Me: Oh, no. What now?

Sweetie: The cat has moved into my sleeping space!

MoonCat: It was unoccupied, so I took advantage of the vacancy.

Me: Well, Sweetie, you were sleeping on your special pad, so…

Sweetie: So she just parks herself wherever, whenever? How disorderly! How…catlike!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Fuss Budgets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop looking at me!

Sweetie: I’m not looking at you. Do you think you’re that good-looking? How conceited!

Doodlebug: I’m not conceited! You are!

Sweetie: No, you are!

Doodlebug: No, you are!

MoonCat: Meow. No, you both are!

Me: What in the world is going on? I’ve never heard so much noise.

Doodlebug: It’s their fault. They won’t stop talking.

Sweetie: No, Doodle started it. He thinks he’s the king.

Doodlebug: I am the King.

MoonCat: You’re not the king of me!

Me: Cut it out, y’all! What a bunch of fussing over nothing. Next you’ll be fussing at me.

Sweetie: Patience, Lady Human! Wait your turn! We’ll get around to you!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The All-Day Breakfast Club – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Good breakfast, Lady Human! Another, please.

Sweetie: Same here, please.

MoonCat: Meow. For once, and for this one time only, mind you, I agree with the bulldogges. Keep it coming.

Me: Uh, how about ‘no’? You all ate just a very short time ago. We do not eat all day long.

Doodlebug: What do you mean ‘we do not’? I do.

Sweetie: So do you, Lady Human. I’ve seen how many times you go to that cold air box and pull out stuff that you shove into your mouth.

MoonCat: Meow. Yep. Come on. Fair is fair.

Sweetie: We’ll make it easy for you. Just set it out…

Doodlebug: In three bowls. No sharing!

MoonCat: Meow. We’ll handle the timing on our own.

Doodlebug: Now that those details are settled, I hereby declare the All-Day Breakfast Club to be permanently in session.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Please Reset the Early Alarm – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Oh, no, not again.

MoonCat: Meow! What’s the holdup?

Me: What is going on?

MoonCat: The Great Big Light is awake in the sky. Food time!

Sweetie: Ugghhh! If I can wait, you can wait. And I can wait.

Me: Yes, so can I. Is there any way we can reset the breakfast alarm to something a little later than dawn?

Doodlebug: Since I have adjusted my schedule to a late breakfast, I agree. I hereby issue a royal command. No breakfast alarm until…

MoonCat: …the cat says so. Done and done.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Trundler – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Out of the way! Coming through!

Doodlebug: You call that “coming through”? Let me show you!

Sweetie: Hey, I move at my own pace.

MoonCat: Meow. Is that pace called ‘creep along’?

Sweetie: Do I look like a creeper?

Me: No, I think your style is more trundler.

Sweetie: Aw, Lady Human, just like you.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Eat Out of Your Own Bowl – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Whoa! Hold up there, Sweetie! What are you doing with my bowl?

Sweetie: I’m just checking to make sure you aren’t wasting any food. Nope. Looks like you licked it clean. Too bad.

Doodlebug: Everyone keep their noses and mouths in their own bowls. That is a royal order.

MoonCat: Meow. My nose pretty much has to go where my mouth does. Now with your big ole bulldog faces, you all may be able to eat out of more than one bowl at the same time.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Special Footwear – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: What is that clunky sound when I walk?

Me: Uh, don’t you know?

Sweetie: Why would I ask or look confused if I knew?

Me: You are wearing your empty metal food bowl on your foot like a shoe, which it is not.

Sweetie: You wear things on your feet.

Me: I wear shoes that are meant to be worn on my feet.

Sweetue: Well, my food bowl is meant to have food in it which it does not. Hint. Hint.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Battle Plans – Conversation with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: All right. Go ahead and tell me. What are you all whispering about?

Sweetie: Not a thing.

Doodlebug: What whispering?

MoonCat: They are planning to take away the mop the next time Tall Man pulls it out.

Doodlebug: Treason!

Sweetie: Turncoat!

Mooncat: I am not a bulldog as you are so quick to remind me. Therefore, Doodlebug is not my king and no treason is involved. End of discussion!

Me: So what was your plan? Emphasis on the was.

Doodlebug: A good leader never divulges battle plans against mops and brooms.

Sweetie: Especially when the plans are stupid and not likely to work.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Part 3 – Conversations with Doodlebug

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, something strange has happened to my bed…again. Someone sneaked a new pad in while I was minding my own business outside.

Me: I did that. Sweetie has a new one, too. And MoonCat. I figured a little extra padding is never a bad thing, especially with winter on its way. Look! Sweetie and MoonCat are already snoring on theirs.

Doodlebug: So you think it is okay if I touch mine? I mean, I still have the old one. I found out that it wouldn’t swallow my feet.

Me: This one won’t either.

Doodlebug: Are you sure?

Me: Yep. Just chalk it up to human intuition. You’ll be fine.

Doodlebug: Based on y’all’s track record, I don’t chalk much good up to human intuition at all.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldogs in the Sky! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is that growling coming from? Someone is treading on my domain!

Sweetie: Take charge, Lady Human! Strange bulldogs are barking in the sky!

MoonCat: Meow! Oh, no! Now they’re coming from all directions!

Doodlebug: Let me at ’em! I’ll deal with them! Nobody threatens my family!

Me: Everybody just simmer down. There are no bulldogs in the sky.

Sweetie: Of course there are! I can hear them. Bulldog grumbling has a certain sound like nothing else.

Me: Yes, but what you hear is rolling thunder.

Sweetie: Exactly! The thunder of a million bulldogs running toward us.

Me: Take a glance outside. What do you see?

Doodlebug: Uh, sky water.

Me: Yes, rain. Only rain.

Sweetie: I hate sky water. I’ll take a sky bulldog pack anytime.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Show Me Some Respect – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Whatever.

MoonCat: Meow. What are we supposed to do? Bow?

Doodlebug: That would be a start.

Sweetie: Lady Human! Doodle wants us to bow to him! Please make this stop!

Me: Mmmm. Bowing to a bulldog? Nope.

Doodlebug: But I am the strongest thing in the room. And I am the King. You should at least call me ‘Sir’.

Me: How come?

Doodlebug: All I have to do is bark and everybody stops what they are doing to see why. I have all my meals served to me. I don’t have to do anything…

Sweetie: He may have a point.

Doodlebug: And I get to use the bathroom anywhere, anytime.

Me: Whoa! Hold up there, boy! Even kings have limits.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.