Never Wasteful – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that delicious smell-good that is invading my nose? Ooh, it’s coming from the bag in the kitchen.

Me: No, no, no! That’s trash!

Doodlebug: It doesn’t smell like trash. Well, maybe it does. But that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes.

Me: There are no goodies in there for anybody. You’re probably smelling the greasy food leftovers from last night.

Sweetie: I must have missed that. Give me my greasy leftovers.

Me: Sorry, hon, they would upset your stomach.

Sweetie: Never waste food. A bulldog’s mouth is the perfect trash bag.

MoonCat: An accurate description if I ever heard one.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Human Error – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you rummaging for?

Me: Oh, that grocery delivery yesterday was short a few items. They charged for them, but didn’t bring them.

Sweetie: Why?

Me: Somebody just didn’t load them up.

Sweetie: You mean a human made a MISTAKE! Do humans make mistakes?

Me: Where can I even begin?

Doodlebug: At the beginning.

Sweetie: We have all day.

MoonCat: I think this talk may take a lot longer than a day.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved

Food Fight – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Y’all stand back. Grocery delivery is here.

Sweetie: I’ll get it.

Me: No, I’ll get it.

Doodlebug: But it’s our food.

Me: Not this time. This food is for humans.

Doodlebug: Unbelievable!

Sweetie: How selfish!

MoonCat: You wouldn’t happen to be getting any human quality tunafish in those bags, would you? Because if you are…

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

SHHH! Not Out Loud! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, who needs to go potty?

Sweetie: Lady Human! Don’t talk about that! It’s not polite.

Me: A bulldog lecturing me about being polite? It’s a lot less polite if someone has an accident on the floor because they didn’t accept the outdoor invitation.

Doodlebug: I heard the little human say that people were telling too many potty jokes. Humans are so weird. What’s funny about potty time?

Sweetie: Now you’ve got Doodlebug talking about it.

Me: How about this? I open the door and you each decide whether or not to accept the…outdoor opportunity?

Sweetie: To do what?

Me and Doodlebug: POTTY!

MoonCat: I’m so glad I have other arrangements.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

All Wound Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, what are you doing? Dancing?

Sweetie: Just got to keep moving, moving moving. Tapping. Jumping. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.

Doodlebug: Do stop! It’s annoying.

Me: I could use some of whatever it is you’re traveling on. I don’t even feel that wound up after I’ve had my coffee.

Sweetie: It’s in the air. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you hear it? Buzz, buzz, buzz. Hum. Hum. Hum.

MoonCat: Whatever it is, don’t share it with me. My unwound world is just fine, thank you.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Separate Corners – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Back off, Doodle!

Doodlebug: No, you back off!

Me: Both of you back off! Sweetie, go to that corner! Doodlebug, you head over to that corner! If y’all can’t behave, I have to separate you.

Sweetie: I don’t know if I like this corner. There are other corners. What about that one over there?

MoonCat: That corner is mine. ‘Nough said.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stay Away from the Edge – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: There is this cool table outside, Lady Human!

Me: I know it well.

Sweetie: Have you stood on it?

Me: Not a pastime of mine.

Doodlebug: I don’t stand on things. I’m tall enough as is.

Sweetie: I looked down at the ground so far below me and it was calling me to jump.

Me: No, it wasn’t.

Sweetie: And I started to put my foot right over the edge, just to do it, to dive into the air…

Me: Listen to me! Stay away from the edge! Resist the temptation.

Sweetie: Then why have the temptation?

Me: So you can learn to resist it.

Sweetie: I still think it would be a hoot.

Me: Until you smashed your chins and your shins on the beckoning ground.

MoonCat: I have four paws worth of sharp claw edge-grabber-temptation-resisters. They never fail me.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Tromping the Same Ole Ground – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard humans talking about taking a trip to some other place. Let’s do that.

Me: Easier said than done sometimes.

Sweetie: But tromping around on the same ole ground is SO BORING!

Doodlebug: Yeah, but it’s OUR ground and that makes it special.

Sweetie: Maybe if you threw a few more treats around, it would get interesting again.

MoonCat: Bribery makes a lot of things more interesting. It’s a good thing I’m not so easily bought.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Quiet Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Why are you so quiet, Lady Human? Is it human stuff again?

Me: Yeah.

Doodlebug: Why are you looking at the sky? Is there a storm?

Me: With humans, there’s always a storm somewhere. I like looking at the sky. It’s so big. It reminds me of the One Who made it all.

Sweetie: Bigger than the storm?

Me: Oh, yeah. And bigger than the humans.

MoonCat: Well, that’s good news.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

When Reach Exceeds Grasp – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Excuse me. What are you doing?

Sweetie: If it is me trying to do something, why do you need to be excused?

Me: I mean, what are you trying to get?

Sweetie: Nothing.

Me: You’re reaching for something.

Sweetie: Who? Me?

Me: What are you…

Sweetie: Got it!

MoonCat: Nothing stays for long out of a bulldog’s grasp. I will give them that.

Sweetie: Now what’s the next thing that’s out of reach?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Leaning Tower of Bulldogs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I don’t mind y’all sitting by me, but maybe you could sit a little bit straighter.

Sweetie: Why, Lady Human, we’re just giving you our support.

Me: Well, your support weighs about 160 pounds total and that’s a little more than I can manage.

MoonCat: Hmmm. Squashed by leaning bulldogs. I think I’ll move up to my high-rise apartment.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Artificial Pillow – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m going to snuggle right up here by you, Lady Human, and take my nap.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

Me: Is there enough room?

Sweetie: Sure, I’ll just put my front legs on this big artificial pillow. It looks fake, but…

Me: Ow! That’s not a pillow!

Doodlebug: Sure looks like one.

Me: That’s me! That’s my belly.

MoonCat: I have the right to remain silent. In fact, I will remain silent. Anything I say might be used to incriminate me later on.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bragging Rights – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. First, a few words about myself. I am the strongest, biggest bulldog ever…

Sweetie: Who gave you bragging rights? A few words about myself. I happen to be the strongest, smartest bulldog ever…

MoonCat: A few words about myself. Me and braggadocious bulldogs: YAWN!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Pleasant Surprise – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: It’s hot, Lady Human. Make it stop.

Me: Be patient. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by morning.

Sweetie: Oh, alright. No more complaining until morning.

MoonCat: That pleasant surprise would be a pleasant surprise.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Intruder Alert! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I smell a weirdness coming through the  kitchen window.

Doodlebug: My nose does, too. It’s a…

Sweetie: It’s not a…

Me: It’s a coyote. It’s climbed the short fence into the side yard.

Sweetie: What’s it after?

Me: The chickens, no doubt, but it can’t reach them.

Doodlebug: No! It can’t have them!

Sweetie: Intruder! Intruder!

Doodlebug: Lady Human, why are you banging on the glass?

Me: Surprise! It thought no one was around. It’s running off now.

Sweetie: Why didn’t you sic us on it? We’re more than a match for…

MoonCat: For a wild dog that has to hunt for its food every day, is spry and underweighs you by half, and has the common sense to leave while it can?

Sweetie: Well, at least we barked.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Loudest Mouths – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, how come birds are so loud, louder than anything else, louder than bulldogs?

Me: You mean because of the cacophony we were just treated to from the chickens and the parakeets?

Doodlebug: It doesn’t seem right.

Sweetie: They squawk and yell and cockadoodle-doo for no reason at all.

Doodlebug: And it doesn’t make sense.

MoonCat: Hmmm. Doesn’t seem right and doesn’t make sense. Sounds like some four-legged critters I know.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Marching in Place – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Hey, what’s all the foot action?

Sweetie: Can’t bulldogs pretend to be marching without a thousand questions?

Me: You’re marching in place? Cute. I’ll bet you learned that from watching the birds march in step up and down their perches.

Bud and Baby: 1 ack, 2 ack, 3 ack, 4 ack.

Doodlebug: 1 ack, 2 ack, 3, ack, 4…

Sweetie: Cut the birdie talk, Doodle. It’s undignified.

Doodlebug: It helps me keep time.

Sweetie: No fair. They copied us.

MoonCat: Let me try a cadence. Bulldogs, about face! March! 1 and 2 and 3 and 4, down the hall and through the door!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Not My Brand – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Look, y’all! New crackers! Haven’t had any in a while.

Sweetie: Hold up there, Lady Human. Wrong box. Wrong scent. Those aren’t my brand. Where are the good ones? You know, the cheese ones.

Doodlebug: I don’t care. I’ll take ’em as is. Mmmmm! Crunchy!

Sweetie: Doodle, all your taste is in your mouth. Hold out for the good stuff.

Doodlebug: Of course, all my taste is in my mouth. I can’t taste stuff with my toes.

MoonCat: Good thing, too, with all the stuff your big bulldog feet walk in. Say, Lady Human, how about my brand of snack? Pure tuna, no crackers allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.