I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why are you frowning at that paper, Lady Human? Is it chasing you?
Me: Yeah. It’s a list of things to do that keeps nagging me. I get one thing scratched off and there are two more on it.
Sweetie: Tell it to shut up. Or better yet, give it to me and I’ll chew it up for you.
MoonCat: Can we have some peace and quiet, please? I’m trying to get nothing done here.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights. Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that noise?
Me: Something…or someone is moving stuff on the front porch.
Doodlebug: Snuffling! Let me at ’em!
Me: No, we’re not opening the door.
Sweetie: Lady Human, be a human! Do human things!
Me: Like what?
Doodlebug: Peak through the tiny window in the door! What do you see?
Me: Nothing. I’ll turn on the porch light. Now I hear the noise from over there by the front corner. It’s too dark. Still can’t see anything. Wait. The sound is gone. Probably a dog. Or a raccoon.
Sweetie: Or a cat.
MoonCat: How dare you? That slander is a calumny against all cats! No self-respecting cat worthy of the name ‘cat’ would ever make that much racket.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that dark blob in the middle of the Big Picture Box?
Me: That’s a radar image of a huge storm called a hurricane.
Sweetie: It’s ugly.
Me: Yeah, more than you know.
Doodlebug: We had a big storm. The huge oak tree got knocked over onto our house. Remember?
Me: True. That was a hurricane force wind in a big storm, but not a hurricane.
Sweetie: That was scary. So loud. And later those men came and banged on our roof all day. Is that wind blob coming here?
Me: No, it’s far away and headed a different direction. Others are in its path though.
Sweetie: What should we do?
Me: Pray.
MoonCat: Can we schedule not to have any more of those fierce winds? You see, I don’t weigh very much.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something loud is going on over there.
Me: Yeah, but not our business.
Doodlebug: What if the loud comes over here?
Me: Then it would be our business. For right now, we’ve got no dog in the fight.
Sweetie: Of course not. We are here and we’re not fighting.
Me: It’s an old expression. It means mind your own business. Keep your nose to yourself.
MoonCat: We cats always keep our noses to ourselves. But then our noses are much smaller than the nasal organs of bulldogs or humans so…no cat in this fight.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“What made me think this was a good idea?”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, are you still crocheting that little toy? BUT NO SWEATERS!
Me: There were some problems with the kit and the instructions. Now I’m trying to undo what I’ve done and it’s a tangled mess.
MoonCat: As I say, ma’am, I’m a yarn aficionada. I’ll be happy to take it off your hands, no matter what state it’s in.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. YAWN.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the sky is cracking into pieces. Please go put it back together and tell it to be quiet. Some of us are trying to sleep.
Me: It’s just a big thunderstorm. A front is moving through. The sky will be fine.
Doodlebug: Why now? Can’t these things be arranged for a more convenient time?
Me: Nope.
MoonCat: Thankfully there are a few things humans can’t schedule. That gives me hope.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I need to go out, Lady Human!
Me: Okay, my hands are full. In a jiffy!
Sweetie: Jiffy? Where?
Me: It means in a fraction of a second.
Doodlebug: A second?
Me: (snapping fingers) Like that quick. Quicker than you can imagine. So quick that…
Doodlebug: Uh-oh.
MoonCat: I think we passed the jiffy point.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, do you have an infestation? You keep scratching your head.
Me: No, it’s just dry, flaky scalp. Why are you scratching your head now?
Sweetie: It looked fun so I thought I’d do it, too.
Doodlebug: Me, too. Ahhh, so good.
Me: This is contagious. I wonder why.
MoonCat: Don’t look at me. It’s a real head-scratcher.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Sweetie, hold still so I can clean the grit off your eyelid.
Sweetie: NO! NOBODY TOUCHES THE EYE!
Me: Not the eyeball. Just the corner where the sleep collects.
Doodlebug: The sleep?
Me: Yeah, my parents called it that. The grit or sand that collects while we sleep. They said the sandman brought it while we dreamed, but…
Sweetie: Who is this sandman and why did y’all let him break into the house?
Me: It’s just a story. Nobody came in for real. It’s all made-up.
MoonCat: Made-up? Then I have a question. Where did the made-up dream grit come from?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, are you in pain?
Me: No. Why?
Sweetie: That terrible high-pitched scream coming out of your mouth.
Me: I was singing.
Doodlebug: Is singing what humans do when they are in pain?
Me: Singing is music. It’s supposed to sound good.
Sweetie: Oh, no! MoonCat, did that sound good to you?
MoonCat: It’s all a matter of taste really. Hold onto your ears while I share my feline style of singing. I think you’ll understand.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Make a deep dive. You never know what you may find.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Item 2 on the Bulldog Permission List…
Me: How long is this list?
Sweetie: Too long to count. Item 2…no…wait…I haven’t made that one up yet.
MoonCat: Welcome to “Bulldog Imaginary World”, run by bulldogs, for bulldogs, and not very well run at that.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have an announcement. Due to strange things that happen around here, I have made a list of permitted behavior.
Me: Oh, goody. I was waiting for a bulldog to tell us what we are allowed to do.
Sweetie: First, Lady Human may crochet so long as she does not make sweaters.
Me: How about hats?
Sweetie: Hats for humans only. And cats. Cats can have hats.
MoonCat: I beg to differ.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you playing with long string? You are not a cat, are you?
Sweetie: You’re not a secret cat, are you? Because that would be too weird for words.
Me: I’m not a cat, secret or otherwise. No, the string is yarn and I am crocheting.
Sweetie: But that’s where sweaters come from!
Doodlebug: No sweaters!
Sweetie: No sweaters!
Me: I’m crocheting a little amigurami toy as a gift.
Sweetie: Phew! That was a close call.
MoonCat: You wouldn’t happen have some leftovers of that yarn, would you? I ever so love that stuff. BUT NO SWEATERS!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Uh, Lady Human, what’s happening?
Baby and Bud: Chirp. Tweet.
Sweetie: Why are the birds eating now?
Me: It’s their evening meal. You watch. They do that every day about this time.
Sweetie: Do they tell time from that clock with the moving sticks the way you do?
Me: No, more like they use their stomach clock.
Doodlebug: I want one of those.
Me: Y’all each have one already.
Doodlebug: Huh. I don’t feel it.
Me: You feel it four times a day. Morning. Lunchtime. Afternoon. Evening.
Sweetie: Why don’t the little clock sticks tickle?
MoonCat: Lady Human, they believe every single thing you tell them. Now they believe they have physical clocks in their bellies. That’s just sad. Please, please be careful what you tell them next. No daggers in the eyes. No fire-breathing noses. Beliefs carry consequences. And there’s no telling where bulldog consequences may end up.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: That was good, Lady Human, but not nearly enough.
Me: That’s all for now.
Sweetie: MORE!
Me: Yelling won’t get you more.
Doodlebug: What if we both yell? MORE!
Me: Even less likely you’ll get more. More will make you bloated and you’ll feel bad.
Sweetie: Then how come I want more?
Me: One of the great philosophical questions of our time.
MoonCat: The answer is obvious. Need I say it aloud. Oh, all right. BULLDOG!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, just how weak is your nose? Can you smell what I’m thinking?
Me: Uh…no. Sometimes I can look at you and tell what you are thinking. Like when you are side glancing at your empty food bowl.
Doodlebug: Seeing is fine. Smelling is so much better.
Sweetie: Yeah, smelling can tell you things eyes never can, like whether or not someone is likeable or trustworthy or kind. Or interesting.
MoonCat: Or if they have treats in their pocket. Admit it, bulldogs. That’s what’s really interesting to you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Even a little puff of fresh air can open your ears.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, do you smell?
Me: You mean do I stink?
Sweetie: Well, of course you stink. You’re a human. No, I mean can you smell stuff?
Me: Yeah, but not a fraction as well as y’all can.
Doodlebug: Can you smell when somebody you know has passed by a spot?
Me: Only if they’re wearing perfume. Or, well, doing something else.
Sweetie: Can you scent when someone is in a bad mood and you should stay away?
Me: No, but I sure wish I could.
MoonCat: Can you scent when the air is stale because bulldogs have been opening their wide mouths too much, polluting the air? I sure can.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 