H.J. Hill

Salt Lick – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on October 27, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Shush! She’s trying to relax. We have to creep up real quiet like and then…

Me: Hey! What’s going on?

Sweetie: Mmmmm.

Doodlebug: Mmmmm. Salty.

Me: Y’all licked on my back! Don’t go licking on my back!

Sweetie: But that’s where the salt is.

Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, and it would be a lot easier if you could just raise that shirt of yours up a little bit so we wouldn’t have to.

Sweetie: Yeah, and it helps a whole bunch when you sleep on the low couch. Much easier to reach.

Gibberish – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 26, 2024October 26, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, those weird little chickens…

Me: Parakeets.

Sweetie: Yeah, uh-huh, sure. They won’t stop their jibber jabber. It’s jibber jabber, jibber jabber all the time. They never make sense.

MoonCat: Now you understand my life with bulldogs.

Take a Picture; It Will Last Longer – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on October 25, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what have you scratched on that flat thing in your lap?

Me: It’s a drawing I’ve made of a dog.

Sweetie: That? That is supposed to be one of us?

Me: Well, not one of you. Just a dog.

Doodlebug: Nooooo….

Sweetie: That could be considered insulting, ma’am. How would you like to be portrayed like that? Legs too long.

Doodlebug: Face sticks out too much.

Sweetie: Please…take your little black box in your hand and take a picture.

Doodlebug: Yes. PLEASE!!! For ALL our sakes!

Bulldog 101 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 23, 2024October 23, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, those tiny chickens in the house…

Me: Parakeets.

Sweetie: Yeah, if you say so. Anyway, they talk funny. I can’t understand them. Teach them to talk in bulldog.

MoonCat: Oh, yes, please, like that will make everything plain.

What Do You Mean There Are Birds in Our House? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 20, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there are two tiny chickens in our house.

Me: Not chickens. Parakeets.

Sweetie: I think what Doodle means is, THERE ARE BIRDS IN OUR HOUSE! You have always said that birds do not belong in the house.

Me: No, I said chickens don’t belong in the house. These are parakeets. They are a gift to me from Tall Man.

MoonCat: If they don’t bother me, I won’t bother them. Deal? Deal.

Ask a Bloodhound – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 19, 2024October 19, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: What’s that smell?

Sweetie: What smell? I don’t smell a smell.

MoonCat: Don’t ask a bulldog, Lady Human. Their noses are stunted.

Me: If I can smell that, surely a dog can.

Doodlebug: Are you insulting our nasal capabilities?

Sweetie: How rude!

Me: Forgive me. I’ll just go ask a bloodhound for an opinion, shall I? If I can find one.

Sweetie: We can’t help it that you sniff better than we do.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we are simple bulldogs. Not everybody can have a big ole long pointy nose like yours, ma’am.

A Simple Bulldog Life – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 16, 2024October 16, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh-oh. Something’s wrong with Lady Human. She’s holding her head and shaking it back and forth.

MoonCat: Is it something I can solve? Cats are great at solving problems and fixing stuff, no matter how badly humans foul things up.

Me: No. It’s just a regular everyday human mess. Confusion. And I’m a little tired. Sometimes I just want a simpler life. Like a bulldog. A simple bulldog life.

Doodlebug: A simple bulldog life? Huh?

Sweetie: Have you been paying attention, Lady Human? You call bulldog lives simple? Somebody get the human one of those word books they call a dictionary. We’ll see who’s simple.

Old Softies – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 13, 2024October 13, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Where are they, Lady Human?

Doodlebug: Yeah, I’ve been wondering that, too.

Me: Be a little more specific, guys. Where are what?

Sweetie: My cushy baby blanket – the one you used for your babies way back when, my soft purple dinosaur…

Doodlebug: My blue blanket, my green blanket, my white sleeping pad, my other green blanket, my other blue blanket…

Sweetie: My tiny little blankets that I pile up in the corner, my big blankets that I pile up in the corner…

Me: They are drying. I had to wash them. No choice.

Doodlebug: How can we be expected to survive without our softies?

MoonCat: As usual, cats have the advantage. Find a human. Find the humans’ softest furniture. Presto! Good old softies at your service.

Loud Mouthery – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 12, 2024October 12, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, we have a problem. That large bird is walking around outside, shooting his mouth off again. I told him to stop, but he ignored my royal authority.

Sweetie: Ma’am, how can you complain about loud mouthery from bulldogs when that loud mouthery is going on from a bird of all things? We are not nearly so irritating.

MoonCat: Loud mouthery? That has to be a bulldog invention. They are the experts in the field of loud and mouths.

Wrinkles Make the Bulldog – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 9, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why is your face all droopy, Lady Human?

Sweetie: Yeah, you look like a bulldog.

Me: Oh, it’s silly.

MoonCat: So you are a bulldog.

Me: Well, no, but I just had a picture taken yesterday and I saw wrinkles on my face I never knew were there before.

Doodlebug: Oh, is that all?

Sweetie: We do that all the time. Join our club.

MoonCat: No, don’t, Lady Human. Have you seen the rest of them?

Complaint Department – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 6, 2024October 6, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what do humans do when they have a problem?

Me: Depends on the type of problem.

Sweetie: He just wants to complain because I borrowed his dumb ole chew stick.

Doodlebug: It’s not dumb! It’s the best chew stick in the world. And it’s MINE!

Sweetie: Yeah, well, you can keep your ole chew stick then. It tastes nasty anyway, just like you.

Me: Okay! Sweetie, over there! Doodlebug, here’s your chew toy! Sit over there!

Doodlebug: Ew! It’s got her spit on it!

Me: I’ve never known you to be so particular before.

MoonCat: Lady Human, go back to your forever mysterious human activities. I declare the Complaint Department closed…until I have a complaint.

Some Noise is Just Noise – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on October 5, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, what’s all the noise about?

Sweetie: How rude! It’s not noise. It’s a song of our people.

Me: No, it’s not. It’s noise. There are songs and there is music, but sometimes noise is just noise.

MoonCat: And the truly intelligent can tell the difference which is why I am going to another room.

Showdown – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 30, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Excuse me, Sweetie. Move, please.

Sweetie: No, Lady Human, you move.

Me: No, YOU MOVE.

Sweetie: NO, YOU!

Me: NO, YOU!

Sweetie: NO, YOU!

MoonCat: Excuse me while I withdraw to a quieter bulldog/human-free area.

Doodlebug: Hey, I want to play. MOVE!

Sneaky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 28, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie, look out behind you! She’s got nail clippers!

Sweetie: Lady Human, were you sneaking up on me with nail clippers?

Me: Who? Me? Why would I do something like that?

MoonCat: Because humans are sneaky, but not being cats, they aren’t very good at it.

Stop That Fake Walking! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 25, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what you are doing is weird, even for a human.

Sweetie: Stop that! You are walking, but not going anywhere. That’s unnatural and not bulldoggy at all.

Me: Well, I’m not a bulldog. And this is an elliptical. It’s an exercise machine.

MoonCat: Steer clear of the monster’s metal legs, y’all. I’m parking myself way out of reach.

Me: What’s the matter? This thing doesn’t move unless I move it.

Sweetie: How come you are walking and not going anywhere?

Doodlebug: Yeah, why not just walk like yourself? Or like us?

Sweetie: Enough fake walking. Stop it, Lady Human. Go back to normal…if that is even something you ever were.

Doodlebug (whispering): What was that about? Walking without going anywhere.

Sweetie: Yeah, next thing you know, humans will climb into a metal box with wings and try to fly like a bird.

FALL! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 22, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: It’s Fall!

MoonCat: Fall? What fell? I didn’t do it.

Sweetie: Are you sure, Lady Human? I didn’t hear anything fall.

Me: No, this is Fall, the season. You know. Autumn!

Doodlebug: Please make up your mind, ma’am.

Sweetie: Yeah. What fell?

Me: Nothing yet, but by tomorrow, the temperature will. 95° high today, high of 84° tomorrow.

Sweetie: Said the human in her mysterious language.

Me: Cooler! Fall means cooler.

Doodlebug: Why call it “Fall” then? Why not just call it “Cooler” or “Not so Hot”?

Sweetie: Humans never think things through.

Enthroned – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 20, 2024September 21, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, Sweetie has placed her posterior in your softie chair.

Me: I noticed that. It’s been quite a while. I figured it was just to hot yet.

Sweetie: Yes, it’s still too hot, but I needed to survey my kingdom from a high spot.

MoonCat: Uh-oh, I feel a debate coming on.

Doodlebug: What do you mean your kingdom? It’s MY kingdom! I am the King! Just because I don’t choose to sit in a fancy human chair…

Me: Yeah, I never see you trying to sit on a chair.

Doodlebug: They are too confining.

Sweetie: What he means is that his posterior is too big.

Knackered – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on September 18, 2024 by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie? Sweetie?

Sweetie: Huh?

Me: You look like you’re asleep sitting up. Some of my friends would call you knackered.

Sweetie: What do you call me?

Me: Dog-tired.

Sweetie: Nope. Can’t just be dog-tired. I have to be bulldog-tired. We always do everything better. Now pardon me while I sleep sitting up just to prove I can.

The Good Stuff – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 15, 2024September 16, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Old English Bulldogges. Where is supper, Lady Human?

Me: Coming…There! How’s that look?

Sweetie: That’s wrong!

Doodlebug: Yeah, where’s the good stuff?

Me: That is good stuff.

Sweetie: No. No. No. Where’s the good stuff! You know. The GOOD STUFF!

Me: I don’t have any of the canned meat today, if that’s what you mean.

Doodlebug: MoonCat is getting some!

Me: MoonCat is getting cat food made for cats.

Sweetie: Yeah, but it smells wonderfully stinky and it’s in a can so why not let us try it?

Me: Nope. Let’s not cross that line.

Doodlebug: Not fair.

MoonCat: Eminently fair. And delicious. AND FOR CATS. Some lines should never be crossed.

Afternoon Tea – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on September 13, 2024September 13, 2024 by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Okay, when is it? When is it? When is it?

Me: When is what?

Sweetie: The special teatime you keep talking about. We’re ready.

Me: Oh, that’s just a human thing.

Doodlebug: Oh, no. Bait and switch, everybody!

Me: No, not ‘bait and switch’. You have your afternoon food. I have mine.

Sweetie: Yeah, hmmpphh. You get the good stuff.

MoonCat: No, I think, if you pay attention, you’ll see that Lady Human and I both get the good stuff. I’m glad that’s settled.

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	u2hearts on Stuck in a Rut – Convers…
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	H.J. Hill on Don’t Be So Bulldog…

Author: H.J. Hill