“Think before you step. It could be a trap.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Snares
We Are Here to Help – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, we noticed that you have your hands full.
Doodlebug: We are here to offer our services.
Me: I don’t know exactly how you can help. I have to move all these leftovers into the freezer…oh, I see.
Sweetie: I am trained and ready for just such a job.
MoonCat: I’ll stay right here, quietly waiting until you get to my favorites when I will happily pitch in to help.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Paw Pointing – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Hey, Doodle, you took my blanket! My favorite one! The one that’s just for me!
Doodlebug: No, I did not! The blankets are for everybody! Stop being so selfish!
Sweetie: You did! You! You! You!
Doodlebug: No, you’re wrong! You! You! You!
Me: Everybody put your paws down!
MoonCat: This sort of behavior always happens when the humans have turkey for dinner. It must be contagious. Happy Day after Thanksgiving.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Thanksgiving – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. Say something you thank the Great Creator for.
Sweetie: I don’t know.
Me: Well, think about it.
Baby and Bud: Tweet. Thanks for warm.
Doodlebug: Thanks for tons and tons of food.
Me: Sounds about right. Sweetie?
Sweetie: Thanks that I am a bulldog and not something else like a poodle…
Me: I like poodles. I’ve known some.
Sweetie: …or a human.
Me: Yeah. I’ve known some of them, too.
MoonCat: Don’t feel badly, Lady Human. I’m thankful for humans. They know how to put tuna in a can.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Extraordinary Smells – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. This is a special day.
Me: Yes. It is. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.
Sweetie: Doodlebug means the house air smells good today. That’s not always true.
Me: How well I know.
Sweetie: Hey, humans have their stinky moments, too, Lady Human.
Me: How well I know.
Sweetie: But today is a special smell good day. Can’t every day smell this good?
MoonCat: We would have to have some major cooperation from…well, we all know.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Waste Not, Want Not – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, those long sticks look yucky. Throw them away.
Me: First off, since when does a bulldog think anything looks yucky. Secondly, these carrots can be made into a soup or baked in a casserole, so no, I will not waste them.
Doodlebug: But they’re all limp and saggy and smooshy and…yellowy brown.
Me: But they’re not bad. Waste not, want not.
MoonCat: I definitely “want not”.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Bulldog Opinion of Yourself – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: How come humans think they are all that AND a bag of bar-b-que potato chips?
Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, because, from where I sit, y’all are two legs shy of a full load.
MoonCat: Opinion. Opinionated. Opinionation. The very definition of “Bulldog”. In my humble opinion.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Earthshaking
“Even when the earth shakes, keep your feet. The more feet, the better.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Because I Said So – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Those cushions go over there on my bed, Lady Human.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: I grant it freely. Just put them there.
Me: Why?
Sweetie: Because I said so.
Me: Not a good enough reason for a bulldog to offer to a human.
Doodlebug: Hey, what if I want them on my bed because I said so?
Sweetie: I said so first.
MoonCat: How about this? I have the last word. Because I said so.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Blessing of Big Noses – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Oooo, smell that, Lady Human.
Me: Smell what? I don’t smell anything.
Sweetie: You need a bigger nose.
Me: My nose is plenty big.
Sweetie: Can you smell the chicken poop outside right now?
Me: Thankfully, no.
Doodlebug: A big nose like ours would solve that problem.
MoonCat: That’s a problem? I’ll stick with my little nose, thank you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Growling Sky – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, dogs are growling in the sky. Let us at ’em!
Sweetie: How dare they interrupt our sleep with their noise!
Me: That’s just thunder. No dogs are making that noise.
Doodlebug: And lights are flashing. The storm dogs are wearing light-up collars so they don’t get lost in the sky.
Me: Nope, that’s lightning.
Sweetie: It sounds like a pack of bulldogs having a party. Maybe they’ll jump down here and join us.
MoonCat: Oh, joy. Oh, bliss. Imagine! Bulldogs raining from the sky.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Umpteenth Time – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What have I told y’all? Now, for the umpteenth time, keep your noses out of the kitchen trash.
Sweetie: Umpteenth. Is that a special time of day?
Doodlebug: I think it’s one of those made-up words that only humans like.
MoonCat: Umpteenth sounds sort of iffy. Avoid it umpteen times.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
When Bulldogs Fly – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: When will you take us shopping with you?
Me: When pigs fly.
Sweetie: Oh, good. When will that be?
Me: Never.
Doodlebug: Can’t we just check with some pigs?
Me: Pigs can’t fly. They aren’t made that way. “When pigs fly” means not gonna happen.
Sweetie: How about in one of those airplane machines?
MoonCat: When bulldogs fly.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Stop Making Up Words – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Unbeknownst to us, a possum was snooping around the chicken house last night.
Sweetie; Hold on there a minute, Lady Human. Un…be…knownst? You just made that up.
Me: No, it’s actually an old word that doesn’t get used much anymore.
Doodlebug: I wonder why.
Sweetie: It’s hard enough to understand humans without you popping in new words that you pulled off the top of your head.
MoonCat: You mean words that are unbeknownst to you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Seesaw
“Keep your balance and check your safety equipment first.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Bulldog Poem – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have made up a poem.
Me: “Made up” seems to be your new favorite phrase.
Doodlebug: Remind me. What is a poem?
Sweetie: Words humans string together that sound the same. Like this: Run, run, run. Fun, fun, fun. Bun, bun, bun. Blah, blah, blah.
Doodlebug: It doesn’t make sense.
Sweetie: What does sense have to do with it?
MoonCat: Ah, the bulldog’s motto for life.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Dancing Dogs – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, there is the dumbest thing ever on the Big Picture Box.
Me: Well, that’s saying something.
Sweetie: Dogs are dancing. Like they think they’re humans.
Doodlebug: You won’t catch me doing that. I walk. I run. I prance. I jump. But I don’t dance.
Sweetie: Just because you have four legs doesn’t mean you should be silly with them.
MoonCat: Oh, bulldogs. If only you could see you the way I see you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Territory – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, are you ticked off as the humans like to say and like to act?
Me: I don’t like to act ticked off. I’m just noticing once again a bulldog tendency to stake out places and stuff as your own territories.
Sweetie: How could you say no to this face? Say no to Doodlebug’s face.
Doodlebug: Hey!
Me: Look, I let you use my cushy chairs, my couch, my pillows, you name it, but that doesn’t mean you can takeover everything.
Sweetie: Humans do!
Me: The Creator set it up that way. I’m not by any means saying humans are perfect.
MoonCat: At least one thing is settled.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Territory – Part 1 Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have made up the schedule for patrolling our Bulldog Territory.
Me: “Made up” being the operative term.
Sweetie: Rule 1: No possums allowed at any time.
Me: Except when they come in anyway.
Sweetie: Rule 2: Humans are only allowed outside at posted times and in posted places.
Me: Exactly how are you going to post these things?
Doodlebug: Watch for the risen paw. Stop. Turn around. Go inside.
Me: By what authority do you tell me, a human being, whether or not I can go outside in my own yard?
MoonCat: Well, this is going down like a lead balloon. Everybody steer clear. Including possums.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Will Human Messes Never Cease? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you made a mess.
Me: Yes. I dropped an egg.
Sweetie: And that made a mess.
Doodlebug: A really sloppy mess. May I clean it up, please?
Me: That’s okay. I’ll take care of it. No sense spreading it around.
Sweetie: But you made a mess.
Me: If I were a bulldog, I wouldn’t be pointing out the messes of others.
Sweetie: But you are a human. Humans shouldn’t make messes.
MoonCat: Oh, my. Where have you been?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 