Is It Something to Eat? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Me, first! Me, first!

Me: You first what?

Sweetie: Me first to get the food you have in your hands!

Me: Who says I have food in my hands?

Doodlebug: Aw, Lady Human, the only things you ever have in your hands are food or some mess we made that you just cleaned up. And what you’re carrying right now does not smell like a mess.

Me: Well, it’s not, but it’s not our kind of food either. It’s food for the parakeets.

Sweetie: That counts!

MoonCat: No. I guarantee you. It does not.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Salt Lick – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Shush! She’s trying to relax. We have to creep up real quiet like and then…

Me: Hey! What’s going on?

Sweetie: Mmmmm.

Doodlebug: Mmmmm. Salty.

Me: Y’all licked on my back! Don’t go licking on my back!

Sweetie: But that’s where the salt is.

Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, and it would be a lot easier if you could just raise that shirt of yours up a little bit so we wouldn’t have to.

Sweetie: Yeah, and it helps a whole bunch when you sleep on the low couch. Much easier to reach.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Gibberish – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, those weird little chickens…

Me: Parakeets.

Sweetie: Yeah, uh-huh, sure. They won’t stop their jibber jabber. It’s jibber jabber, jibber jabber all the time. They never make sense.

MoonCat: Now you understand my life with bulldogs.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Take a Picture; It Will Last Longer – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what have you scratched on that flat thing in your lap?

Me: It’s a drawing I’ve made of a dog.

Sweetie: That? That is supposed to be one of us?

Me: Well, not one of you. Just a dog.

Doodlebug: Nooooo….

Sweetie: That could be considered insulting, ma’am. How would you like to be portrayed like that? Legs too long.

Doodlebug: Face sticks out too much.

Sweetie: Please…take your little black box in your hand and take a picture.

Doodlebug: Yes. PLEASE!!! For ALL our sakes!

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog 101 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, those tiny chickens in the house…

Me: Parakeets.

Sweetie: Yeah, if you say so. Anyway, they talk funny. I can’t understand them. Teach them to talk in bulldog.

MoonCat: Oh, yes, please, like that will make everything plain.

Copyright 2024. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

What Do You Mean There Are Birds in Our House? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there are two tiny chickens in our house.

Me: Not chickens. Parakeets.

Sweetie: I think what Doodle means is, THERE ARE BIRDS IN OUR HOUSE! You have always said that birds do not belong in the house.

Me: No, I said chickens don’t belong in the house. These are parakeets. They are a gift to me from Tall Man.

MoonCat: If they don’t bother me, I won’t bother them. Deal? Deal.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Ask a Bloodhound – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: What’s that smell?

Sweetie: What smell? I don’t smell a smell.

MoonCat: Don’t ask a bulldog, Lady Human. Their noses are stunted.

Me: If I can smell that, surely a dog can.

Doodlebug: Are you insulting our nasal capabilities?

Sweetie: How rude!

Me: Forgive me. I’ll just go ask a bloodhound for an opinion, shall I? If I can find one.

Sweetie: We can’t help it that you sniff better than we do.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we are simple bulldogs. Not everybody can have a big ole long pointy nose like yours, ma’am.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Simple Bulldog Life – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh-oh. Something’s wrong with Lady Human. She’s holding her head and shaking it back and forth.

MoonCat: Is it something I can solve? Cats are great at solving problems and fixing stuff, no matter how badly humans foul things up.

Me: No. It’s just a regular everyday human mess. Confusion. And I’m a little tired. Sometimes I just want a simpler life. Like a bulldog. A simple bulldog life.

Doodlebug: A simple bulldog life? Huh?

Sweetie: Have you been paying attention, Lady Human? You call bulldog lives simple? Somebody get the human one of those word books they call a dictionary. We’ll see who’s simple.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Old Softies – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Where are they, Lady Human?

Doodlebug: Yeah, I’ve been wondering that, too.

Me: Be a little more specific, guys. Where are what?

Sweetie: My cushy baby blanket – the one you used for your babies way back when, my soft purple dinosaur…

Doodlebug: My blue blanket, my green blanket, my white sleeping pad, my other green blanket, my other blue blanket…

Sweetie: My tiny little blankets that I pile up in the corner, my big blankets that I pile up in the corner…

Me: They are drying. I had to wash them. No choice.

Doodlebug: How can we be expected to survive without our softies?

MoonCat: As usual, cats have the advantage. Find a human. Find the humans’ softest furniture. Presto! Good old softies at your service.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Loud Mouthery – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, we have a problem. That large bird is walking around outside, shooting his mouth off again. I told him to stop, but he ignored my royal authority.

Sweetie: Ma’am, how can you complain about loud mouthery from bulldogs when that loud mouthery is going on from a bird of all things? We are not nearly so irritating.

MoonCat: Loud mouthery? That has to be a bulldog invention. They are the experts in the field of loud and mouths.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wrinkles Make the Bulldog – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why is your face all droopy, Lady Human?

Sweetie: Yeah, you look like a bulldog.

Me: Oh, it’s silly.

MoonCat: So you are a bulldog.

Me: Well, no, but I just had a picture taken yesterday and I saw wrinkles on my face I never knew were there before.

Doodlebug: Oh, is that all?

Sweetie: We do that all the time. Join our club.

MoonCat: No, don’t, Lady Human. Have you seen the rest of them?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Complaint Department – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what do humans do when they have a problem?

Me: Depends on the type of problem.

Sweetie: He just wants to complain because I borrowed his dumb ole chew stick.

Doodlebug: It’s not dumb! It’s the best chew stick in the world. And it’s MINE!

Sweetie: Yeah, well, you can keep your ole chew stick then. It tastes nasty anyway, just like you.

Me: Okay! Sweetie, over there! Doodlebug, here’s your chew toy! Sit over there!

Doodlebug: Ew! It’s got her spit on it!

Me: I’ve never known you to be so particular before.

MoonCat: Lady Human, go back to your forever mysterious human activities. I declare the Complaint Department closed…until I have a complaint.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Some Noise is Just Noise – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, what’s all the noise about?

Sweetie: How rude! It’s not noise. It’s a song of our people.

Me: No, it’s not. It’s noise. There are songs and there is music, but sometimes noise is just noise.

MoonCat: And the truly intelligent can tell the difference which is why I am going to another room.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.