Bulldogs in the Sky! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is that growling coming from? Someone is treading on my domain!

Sweetie: Take charge, Lady Human! Strange bulldogs are barking in the sky!

MoonCat: Meow! Oh, no! Now they’re coming from all directions!

Doodlebug: Let me at ’em! I’ll deal with them! Nobody threatens my family!

Me: Everybody just simmer down. There are no bulldogs in the sky.

Sweetie: Of course there are! I can hear them. Bulldog grumbling has a certain sound like nothing else.

Me: Yes, but what you hear is rolling thunder.

Sweetie: Exactly! The thunder of a million bulldogs running toward us.

Me: Take a glance outside. What do you see?

Doodlebug: Uh, sky water.

Me: Yes, rain. Only rain.

Sweetie: I hate sky water. I’ll take a sky bulldog pack anytime.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Show Me Some Respect – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Whatever.

MoonCat: Meow. What are we supposed to do? Bow?

Doodlebug: That would be a start.

Sweetie: Lady Human! Doodle wants us to bow to him! Please make this stop!

Me: Mmmm. Bowing to a bulldog? Nope.

Doodlebug: But I am the strongest thing in the room. And I am the King. You should at least call me ‘Sir’.

Me: How come?

Doodlebug: All I have to do is bark and everybody stops what they are doing to see why. I have all my meals served to me. I don’t have to do anything…

Sweetie: He may have a point.

Doodlebug: And I get to use the bathroom anywhere, anytime.

Me: Whoa! Hold up there, boy! Even kings have limits.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Breakfast Call – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s going on?

MoonCat: Meow. Bark. Go on! Bark!

Doodlebug: Oh, all right. If you say so.

Me: What is going on here?

MoonCat: Meow. Time for breakfast. Hurry along.

Me: It’s not even light yet.

MoonCat: Meow. What’s light got to do with anything? This is breakfast call.

Sweetie: What’s all the ruckus?

Me: MoonCat is calling for breakfast.

Sweetie: Number one – she’s not a bulldog, so she doesn’t get to say when breakfast is. Number two – It’s still dark. Number 3 – well, I’ve forgotten Number 3. I’m going back to sleep.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Too Quiet – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie! What is Lady Human doing?

Sweetie: Shhhh! She is reading. Whatever that is.

Doodlebug: She is being too quiet. That is never a good sign with humans. It usually means that they are up to no good.

Sweetie: I know. She’s been at this reading thing quite awhile now. Very ominous.

Doodlebug: MoonCat! Go walk on her. That should break it up.

MoonCat: Meow. Nonsense. I only walk on humans on my own terms.

Sweetie: She is all bent over. Maybe she is stuck. Let’s start a commotion.

Me: Hey, what’s all the commotion?

Doodlebug: Phew! What a relief! You’re alive. We thought your brain had been eaten by that big stack of paper.

Sweetie: Yeah. It turns out you were only doing what all humans do – wasting time.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Just Back Up – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, we have a problem.

Sweetie: Uh-oh!

Me: I’m hearing that word a little too often.

Sweetie: Tappy the Chicken is stuck between the gate and the door! She walked in, but she can’t turn around.

Doodlebug: Chickens are so stupid.

MoonCat: Meow. Bulldogs should be careful about who they call stupid.

Sweetie: Help, Lady Human! She’s hopelessly trapped!

Me: Not hopelessly. She just needs to back up. Sometimes a few steps back is all it takes. I’ll be there in a second.

Doodlebug: Never mind! She backed out. Dumb chicken.

MoonCat: Meow. One wonders how long it would have taken a bulldog to figure that one out.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Big No-no! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Uh-oh. Lady Human, I just want to make it clear that I had absolutely nothing to do with the big…puddle on the floor.

Me: Uh, Doodlebug! What happened here?

Doodlebug: Nothing. Well, something, but it’s really nothing.

Me: You peed on the floor.

Doodlebug: It was an accident. I was aiming for that big bag and I missed.

Me: This is not like you. And thankfully, that bag is waterproof because it has your food in it.

Sweetie: Doodle! You tried to pee on our food?

Doodlebug: I was just leaving my royal mark. Hey, the cat gets to pee in the house.

MoonCat: Meow. Pardon me, but I have my own private restroom. I am not a barbarian.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Hand Warming – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where did your paws go, Lady Human?

Sweetie: Yeah, did you lose them in the backyard? Let’s go look! I can sniff ’em out!

Me: No, it’s all right. I’ve just tucked them under my arms to keep them warm. And we call them “hands”, not paws.

Doodlebug: Same difference.

Me: Not exactly. Hey, MoonCat! You’ve tucked your hands…well, paws, too. That’s so cute.

MoonCat: Meow. If it’s good enough for human paws, it’s good enough for cat paws.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Barking – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. That noise must stop.

Me: You mean your barking?

Sweetie: No, Lady Human, you know what noise. That awful chicken barking from outside.

MoonCat: Meow. Yes, it must stop. It is worse than bulldog barking if that is even possible…which it is not.

Me: Chickens don’t usually respond to commands.

Doodlebug: So, they do have something in common with bulldogs.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Watched Pots – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is Lady Human?

Sweetie: She’s here in the food room, staring at a pot.

Doodlebug: Did the pot ask to be stared at?

Sweetie: Yeah, is it that good-looking, ma’am? Is it better looking than I am? ‘Cuz I don’t think so.

Me: No, I’m just heating some water to make tea.

Doodlebug: Does staring at it help?

Me: No, in fact, there’s an old saying about watched pots never boiling and…

Sweetie: Then stop it right now!

MoonCat: Yes, because I’m staring at my empty food bowl and it’s still not filling up.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tyranny of the Clock – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you all have fouled things up again.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

MoonCat: Meow. Dinnertime. Late. Fix it. Now.

Me: Well, I’ve been going by the time change, so, yes, I guess mealtimes seem late the last few days.

Doodlebug: Seem? There’s no seem about it. Where’s the food?

Me: Since it’s been getting a little darker earlier and the time changed, you all have been eating at different times so…

Sweetie: I’m not talking about what WE have been doing. I’m talking about what YOU have been doing. How come meals are late?

MoonCat: Meow. We have been patient.

Sweetie: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You humans have been fooling around with the sun again. Telling us when it will rise and when it will set.

Doodlebug: Yeah, as though you know!

MoonCat: I know this. Hungry. Food. Give it. NOW!

Outright 2023 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Guess Who’s Knocking! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I hear a noise that must be stopped.

Sweetie: It’s my friend, the chicken! She’s knocking at the patio door.

MoonCat: Nope. No more residents allowed in my house.

Me: Well, no chickens anyway.

Sweetie: What? No fair!

Me: Sorry, hon. Chickens don’t go well in a house. That’s why they have one of their own.

Sweetie: But she’s knocking. She wants to visit.

Me: I tell you what. Go on out and visit with her awhile.

Doodlebug: Yeah. Do that. Whatever it takes to stop that noise.

Me: Maybe we should give her a name.

Sweetie: There’s only one that fits. Tappy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Part 2 – Conversations with Doodlebug

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Have you reconsidered your hesitancy about your new sleeping pad?

Doodlebug: Does hesitancy mean fear?

Me: Sometimes. But it can also mean caution. Maybe if you would just try it…

Doodlebug: So it could swallow me up and suck me into a cave in the ground? NO! THANK YOU!

Me: Once again, allow me to say, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Doodlebug: We shall see.

Me: Yes, we certainly shall. Meanwhile…

Doodlebug: Meanwhile, since you went to all the trouble to get it for me, I will politely place one paw on the edge of it. Just one. Just on the edge.

Me: That’s all I ask. Just try it. You’ll like it.

Doodlebug: We shall see. But if it grabs my foot, we shall see a new sleeping pad torn into tiny little pieces as it so richly deserves.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Sitting – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human! I have a new friend.

Me: I saw that.

Sweetie: She is really nice and friendly and not scared of my big ole bulldog face at all. And she didn’t say anything. Nice and quiet.

Me: Yeah. She just stood right by you the whole time you sat in the patio. Kind of strange for a chicken.

Sweetie: What chicken?

Me: Your new patio friend. She’s a chicken. Remember. We talked about chickens. The birds that have wings, but they only flap and don’t fly.

Sweetie: She doesn’t fly away and she doesn’t talk. Perfect in every way.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.