Not My Brand – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Look, y’all! New crackers! Haven’t had any in a while.

Sweetie: Hold up there, Lady Human. Wrong box. Wrong scent. Those aren’t my brand. Where are the good ones? You know, the cheese ones.

Doodlebug: I don’t care. I’ll take ’em as is. Mmmmm! Crunchy!

Sweetie: Doodle, all your taste is in your mouth. Hold out for the good stuff.

Doodlebug: Of course, all my taste is in my mouth. I can’t taste stuff with my toes.

MoonCat: Good thing, too, with all the stuff your big bulldog feet walk in. Say, Lady Human, how about my brand of snack? Pure tuna, no crackers allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Tell Tale Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Someone is hiding something.

Sweetie: Yep. The scent is faint but real. It is…it is…IT IS CHEESE! Lady Human?

Me: Hmmm?

Doodlebug: You are sneaking cheese.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: Yup. A clear sign of guilt.

Me: Guilt? For eating a tiny piece of cheese?

Doodlebug: Tiny, huh! We’ve seen your cheese chunks before. Tiny for an elephant maybe.

Sweetie: You are guilty of not sharing. I hereby sentence you to share your cheese or else.

Me: Or else what?

Sweetie: Or else we won’t share our treats with you.

Me: Uhb…okay.

Doodlebug: I told you, Sweetie. We need better bargaining skills.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Junk Food – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello. We are about to enjoy an evening snack as soon as Lady Human says it has cooled down enough. I am looking forward…ew, who has bad breath?

Me:        Since he just this second walked in from outside, you have one guess.

Stella;    Doodlebug! Aaaaggghh! Gag! Gag! Gag!

Me:        I caught him off in the corner of the yard where he evidently located a ‘snack’.

Tiger:     Pee-yoo. Doodle, we’re about to have a real food snack. Why are you eating leftovers outside?

Doodlebug:   I’m hungry now. Why wait?

Wiggles:   Because that nasty stuff out there is waste.

Doodlebug:   But you raid the waste basket all the time.

Wiggles:   That’s different. That’s indoor waste. It’s fresher and only stinks in a good way.

Miss Sweetie:    All Doodle is doing is what the humans call ‘recycling’. I thought that was a good thing.

Me:        Mmmmm. Different. We don’t eat our recyclables. Especially not that kind of recyclable.

Stella:    That stuff we leave outside is no better than junk food, Doodle boy. And, speaking of food, where is that good food snack you promised us, Lady Human? It should be cool enough by this time.

Me:        Here it comes. Scrambled eggs.

Stella:    I hope you left room for real food, Doodlebug. If not, I will be happy to take yours.

Doodlebug:   Not necessary, Aunt Stella. I always have room for more. Bring it on!

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Welcome to The Bulldog Cafe – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and proprietor of The Bulldog Café.

Me:        The Bulldog Café? Is that a real thing?

Stella:    Of course. On the menu tonight is Victor Adult Dog food. It comes in a big yellow bag. It does not make you sick and our skin is fine so I guess it is okay. I used to eat a food that gave me lots of bad gas…

Me:        Wait. You are running a café? Don’t talk about bad gas and skin problems.

Stella:    What else should bulldogs talk about? When it comes to food, only the very best and that means stuff that doesn’t give you gas or make your skin itch and your hair fall out. Now where was I before I was so RUDELY interrupted? Oh, yes…on our menu tonight, popcorn.

Me:        No.

Stella:    How can I run a café without desserts and snacks?

Me:        No popcorn.

Stella:    Just a little bit.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    But…but…but…

Me:        I am not saying never. I am saying not tonight. I’ll do more research.

Stella:    Research besmirch. You humans and your little black boxes and your fingers tapping, tapping, tapping. On our menu tonight, ice cream.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    Why ever not?

Me:        I don’t have any and I have to do…

Stella:    I know. I know. More research. Leave it to a human to make everything complicated and unfun. So, what’s left? Oh, yes. On our menu tonight – plain water. There! Does that make you happy, Lady Human?

Me:        Well, it doesn’t make me unhappy. In fact, I’ll have some with you. Water is healthy.

Stella:    Yippee! So much for The Bulldog Café. I can’t wait to see our ratings on Yelp. Phhhuuuhhh!

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill