Weird Humans and Their Clothes 

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Illustrious Olde English Bulldogges. Well, some may be illustrious. I know that I am. Lady Human, what were those strange clothes you put on today? They looked…dignified. Not like your regular clothes.

Me:        I had an event to attend.

Stella:    Was it so important that you had to leave us alone all afternoon? Do we have to talk about the curfew thing again?

Me:        As I have said before, bulldogs do not dictate my schedule. It only lasted a few hours. I went because a professor at my old law school is retiring and he was giving a speech about what he has learned.

Stella:    Retiring? Is that the same as dying? That is so sad.

Me:        No, retiring is not the same as dying. He is just leaving his job there after many years. It is not sad. He will go on with his life in different ways.

Stella:    So you had to put on special clothes because someone is leaving a job and will live differently. Humans are weird, Lady Human.

Me:        It is hard to explain to one who does not wear clothing.

Stella:    Why do humans wear clothing?

Me:        It stems from what happened in Eden at the Fall.

Stella:    When everything changed?

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    Your clothes are inconvenient. They snag on our nails and on our crates. They have to be washed in the big Loud Wash Machine Thing that keeps breaking down.

Me:        Well, it’s old and has done a whole ton or more of bulldog washing.

Stella:    And why do humans wear clothes?

Me:        So we will not be naked.

Stella:    Dogs are naked and we are not ashamed.

Me:        It’s a human thing, Stella. You will have to understand it from the Great Creator. He is the One Who first clothed us.

Stella:    Well, in that case, all right. I still think human clothes are weird and what you put on today was super strange. And don’t go to any more retirement speeches! You belong to us. You need to stay here while we nap and snore.

Me:        Is that my only function?

Stella:    Of course not, Lady Human. You also are to bring us food and treats and play with us and bring us treats and take us on our bathroom walks and keep spying squirrels away and bring us treats and…

Me:        Okay, Stella, okay. I am beginning to get the picture.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stella’s Blog – Humans. Why?

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Hello! I am Stella, the Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. (Let’s wait a few moments to see if my transcriptionist will interrupt to say something like, “No, you’re not the queen” or “self-styled”. I don’t know what “self-styled” means, but I am sure that it is rude.)

Okay, no interruption so far. Please join me for MY blog. Today’s topic: Humans. Why?

I discussed a similar question with my blog post entitled “Why Did God Make Cats?”

The existence of humans is not nearly as confusing as the existence of cats. Actually, I still have no answer for why cats should exist. That one may be a long time in coming, but I believe the Creator will help me to understand someday. I am sure He had His reasons.

Humans are an easier question because they actually do stuff that helps dogs. (Can cats truthfully say that?)

Here’s a short list of how humans help us:

Food.

Treats.

Food.

Treats.

Did I mention food?

(Transcriptionist: Stella, you’re repeating yourself.)

Ah, our first interruption. MY BLOG, MY RULES. Where was I?

Treats.

Treats.

Treats.

What else?

Softy toys – Humans don’t really have to make them in the shape of pink and blue dogs and red lobsters. We are not fooled. We know that they are not real. People think we are stupid. Here’s a secret: We’re not the ones making pink and blue wiener dogs that don’t even have any wieners in them. Where are the wieners, humans?

Chew toys – Great for relaxing after a long day, though for many, many thousands of years, we dogs have provided our own chew toys in the form of sticks.

Soft beds – What a wonderful invention. Perfect for lazy dogs. And the humans can use them, if there is enough room.

Love – did I say that?

(Transcriptionist: Yes, you did, you sweet, smooshy- faced, old thing,)

 Well, I didn’t mean to. It just slipped out. And now you’ve gone and called me those mushy names. Please stop it. I just meant that the head pets are nice and the belly rubs. But stay away from that hugging business.

So do humans serve a purpose? The Great Creator must have thought so. (Of course, He made cats, too, and I still don’t understand that.)

They keep telling me that dog is man’s best friend.  Maybe the humans are ours.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.