Stay Away from Political Parties! There is No Popcorn! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella:    My Lady Human is exhausted. She has not slept as long or as well as she should have these past few days. Thus, everything she has done for us, the Olde English Bulldogges of Bulldoggy Nation, has been done…well, partially, slowly, and not very well.

Me:        Stella, are you complaining about me?

Stella:    Just giving the facts, only the facts. You stayed up too late the other night with your Political Party nonsense and now everyone is suffering for it. If it was no fun, why did you keep politicaling. It does not sound like a party to me.

Me:        Politicaling? I don’t think that’s a word.

Stella:    It is now. I say so.

Me:        And a political party is not like a fun party.

Stella:    Then why attend?

Me:        I didn’t. It kind of foisted itself on me.

Stella:    Then you tell Mr. Foisted to cut it out. You have bulldogs depending on you and he can keep his Political Party invitations to himself and he had better not come around here anymore or he may find out how bulldogs got their reputation. Nobody messes with my Lady Human!

Me:        Thank you, Stella.

Stella:    That’s right. Our breakfast schedule is too important to be messed up by political partying. Now go to bed and get some sleep and no more politicaling…ever.

Me:        If you say so.

Stella:    If you humans had me as queen, you wouldn’t have to put up with elections and parties would not be a problem. Think about it.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.

 

 

Midnight Hour – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella:    Lady Human, what are you doing up so late? Shhh! All the bulldogs are asleep.

Me:        You are a bulldog and you aren’t.

Stella:    I am a queen. Queens stay up to watch over their subjects.

Me:        It’s true. I have found you sitting up long after the others are snoring.

Stella:    You don’t stay up this late.

Me:        No, but I wasn’t sleeping well and I had a pain in my foot. I got up to take some aspirin.

Stella:    Your foot? The one that Tiger stomped on?

Me:        I don’t remember…

Stella:    The foot that Wiggles stomped on?

Me:        Maybe…My feet get bulldog stomped a lot.

Stella:    The foot that Snoopey stomped on?

Me:        Probably. I only have two and Snoopey stomps a lot.

Stella:    The foot that I stomped on? I’m sorry about that. It’s just that your human feet are so big. They stick out in front of me and it is hard to avoid them when I am hustling. Wait! Is that Human Election Nonsense over?

Me:        The voting is over. I don’t know if it is ever truly over.

Stella:    Are the loud humans quiet now?

Me:        Loud humans never quiet down completely.

Stella:    True. Humans don’t seem to know how to be quiet. They talk and talk and talk and say very little, mostly blah, blah, blah.

Me:        The Great Creator made our mouths and gave us tongues for speech. I think we don’t use them wisely as He intended.

Stella:    You should not stay awake and worry about the silly humans even if you are one yourself.

Me:          Silly or human?

Stella:     Both. There is no real difference. You don’t see the bulldogs sitting up all night.

Me:        No, they are sleeping soundly. It’s wonderful to watch dogs at peace.

Stella:    We like it when our humans sleep in peace. Hey, you can sleep with all of us. I will watch over you, too.

Me:        Thank you for the offer, Stella. I believe I can go to bed and rest now. You’ve reminded me that we all have Someone watching over us. Good night.

Stella:    Good night, Lady Human. Oh, and just because you stayed up late doesn’t mean that our breakfast can be one minute late in the morning. No slacking off.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Paws-itivity – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Noble and Illustrious Queen of the Old English Bulldogges. I added that “noble” part in myself.

Me:        If you keep adding titles, we may run out of room for anything else.

Stella:   Today I have a list of my special gifts that remind me of how valuable I am and make me feel good about myself.

Me:        Is there ever a time that you struggle with feeling good about yourself, Stella? You seem self-assured overall.

Stella:    When I am hungry, I feel like an empty sack. That’s because, when I am hungry, I am an empty sack.

Me:        You are never an empty sack.

Stella:    I am an empty sack of bones, blood, muscles, and air.

Me:        Air? Oh, you mean lungs.

Stella:    No, I mean the air bag that is my empty stomach. And that is when I call to mind my Gifts List and remind myself:

I am the cleanest bulldog in the world. Dirt does not dare stick to me.

Me:        You’re pretty clean, all right, but the cleanest in the world…

Stella:    Silence! Do not interrupt the List!

I am pretty, oh so pretty! So, everybody else, shut up!

I am super smart! So what if I can’t open a stupid door like Doodlebug!

I am the sweetest dog ever! No other dogs need apply. That means you,                              Wiggles!

I am courageous and the terror of squirrels. They flee when I appear. What do                   they do when you appear, Snoopey? Nothing! You do not inspire fear!

Me:        Stella, I notice that for every positive…

Stella:    Paws-itive. As in I have four of them. One. Two. Three. Four.

Me:        Oh, all right. Anyway, your affirmations always end in something negative. How does that help?

Stella:    I have enormous competition from the other bulldogs. You don’t know what it’s like being queen. They are constantly like “Why don’t you do this?” or “Why did you do that?” or “Why are you so short?” or “You don’t run very fast.” or…

Me:        I get the idea.

Stella:    It is so difficult being queen over your sisters and nieces.

Me:        Would it help if I gave you some affirmations that were just about you?

Stella:    Maybe…

Me:        You are beautiful, Stella Bella.

You are the kindest soul on four legs that I have ever met. (Please don’t tell the                    other bulldogs I have met.)

You are more interesting than most humans I know. (Please don’t tell the other                    humans I know.)

You make our lives richer just by being near us.

You are the perfect size and shape for you.

You move at just the right pace, not too fast, not too slowly.

You are brave and I am proud of you.

Say those to yourself. Don’t worry about what the others think. Does that                         help?

Stella:    Did you mean all that, Lady Human?

Me:        With all my heart.

Stella:    Then when I say it, I will mean it, too.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

We’ve Run Out of What??? No!!! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am herewith issuing a red alert. Breakfast was delayed this morning by almost half an hour and, when it did come, it was different.

Me:        No red alert is necessary, girl…excuse me, Your Majesty. We ran out of your regular food and so did the store.

Stella:    What??? That cannot be!!! How did you let this happen, Lady Human? How did the other humans let this happen? Call everyone! Call the police! Call the army! HELP!

Me:        Remember when the store ran out of your favorite treats? Everyone survived.

Stella:    It was so hard though.

Me:        The man at the store said that they will have your regular food in by lunchtime tomorrow.

Stella:    No!!!! Too late!!!!

Me:        Was your old food brand so terrible this morning?

Stella:    It was different. We don’t like different. Never let this happen again!

Me:        I’m not sure that I can guarantee that.

Stella:    Why not? You are human. You can do anything.

Me:        Mmmm. Not so much.

Stella:    You are scaring me, Lady Human.

Me:        Nothing is too hard for the LORD. Humans have limitations and, to be honest, I am glad. There are quite a few humans that I would not want to have unlimited power. In fact, there aren’t any humans that I would want to have unlimited power. Including me.

Stella:    Aaaaggghhh! How does that solve our food problem?

Me:        Your problem will be solved by tomorrow. If we have to go further and search harder for your food or if we even have to make it ourselves, we will. Did you go hungry today?

Stella:    Well, no, not really, though I am always willing to take a little more.

Me:        You see? No genuine problem.

Stella:    Still it bothers me to know that you do not have unlimited powers.

Me:        Really? It is a great comfort to me.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Weird Humans and Their Clothes 

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Illustrious Olde English Bulldogges. Well, some may be illustrious. I know that I am. Lady Human, what were those strange clothes you put on today? They looked…dignified. Not like your regular clothes.

Me:        I had an event to attend.

Stella:    Was it so important that you had to leave us alone all afternoon? Do we have to talk about the curfew thing again?

Me:        As I have said before, bulldogs do not dictate my schedule. It only lasted a few hours. I went because a professor at my old law school is retiring and he was giving a speech about what he has learned.

Stella:    Retiring? Is that the same as dying? That is so sad.

Me:        No, retiring is not the same as dying. He is just leaving his job there after many years. It is not sad. He will go on with his life in different ways.

Stella:    So you had to put on special clothes because someone is leaving a job and will live differently. Humans are weird, Lady Human.

Me:        It is hard to explain to one who does not wear clothing.

Stella:    Why do humans wear clothing?

Me:        It stems from what happened in Eden at the Fall.

Stella:    When everything changed?

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    Your clothes are inconvenient. They snag on our nails and on our crates. They have to be washed in the big Loud Wash Machine Thing that keeps breaking down.

Me:        Well, it’s old and has done a whole ton or more of bulldog washing.

Stella:    And why do humans wear clothes?

Me:        So we will not be naked.

Stella:    Dogs are naked and we are not ashamed.

Me:        It’s a human thing, Stella. You will have to understand it from the Great Creator. He is the One Who first clothed us.

Stella:    Well, in that case, all right. I still think human clothes are weird and what you put on today was super strange. And don’t go to any more retirement speeches! You belong to us. You need to stay here while we nap and snore.

Me:        Is that my only function?

Stella:    Of course not, Lady Human. You also are to bring us food and treats and play with us and bring us treats and take us on our bathroom walks and keep spying squirrels away and bring us treats and…

Me:        Okay, Stella, okay. I am beginning to get the picture.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

O Where, O Where Have My Little Toys Gone? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and Illustrious. Hello! A horrible thing happened yesterday evening and it had nothing to do with the humans’ election nonsense. Lady Human, bring back my toys!

Me:        You have your toys. See there. In your crate as always.

Stella:    No, my toys are in the mouths of the other bulldogs. Look at my face. Notice my straight, I’m-not-fooling brow. Bring back my toys.

Me:        You had four toys. You have four toys.

Stella:    I had a million toys.

Me:        No, you didn’t. A million toys would fill this whole house, floor to ceiling and then some.

Stella:    Why did you take my toys away? If you had not touched them, they would not be in the big, slimy bulldog mouths of others.

Me:        Stella, I took your FOUR, count ‘em, FOUR toys and washed them because they were filthy dirty. Your yellow chicken was no longer yellow. It was a nice, medium shade of…well, dirt.

Stella:    She didn’t mind.

Me:        Football Head and Long Blue Squishy Hound or whatever you call him smelled.

Stella:    I liked that smell.

Me:        And Purple Dinosaur…

Stella:    My favorite!!! He was perfect. You cannot improve on a perfect purple dinosaur!

Me:        I noticed that you had not been playing with him and now that he’s been washed, you are using him as a pillow again.

Stella:    I only stopped using him as a pillow for a while because my head is heavy and he was feeling a little smooshed.

Me:        Those other toys weren’t yours. They were old ones that I collected from around the house and cleaned so that each dog could play with one. Did you see how happy it made them?

Stella:    I am not in business to make other dogs happy.

Me:        But they each only got one. You got yours back. I mean, just look at your crate. You have four.

Stella:    Yeah. Now I do. But I used to have a million.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.