Special Emergency Pack Meeting – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I hereby call this Special Emergency Pack Meeting to order.

Me:        Wait. What emergency? What pack meeting?

Stella:    Sorry, Lady Human. You were not notified because you are not a member of the pack.

Me:        Really? So, all the food and treats and face washing and puppy pool water does not qualify me for pack membership?

Stella:    It’s a bulldog pack, Lady Human, and you, after all, are not a bulldog.

Me:        Not even an honorary one.

Stella:    I’ll take it under advisement.

Me:        Shouldn’t you go ahead and let me know what’s going on?

Snoopey:   I’ll say it. It’s the ear cleanings.

Tiger:     Yeah, ear cleanings are gross.

Wiggles:   Yes, and the cleaning drops smell like…like…stinky water.

Miss Sweetie:   Like sour water.

Doodlebug:   Like you, Sweetie.

Me:        Enough, Doodle. Sweetie smells a lot better since we got the malacetic wipes for her face folds. The other type worked only hit and miss and so, I admit it, sometimes she smelled sour. I still think I should be included in the pack meeting, human or not.

Stella:   Not when you are the evil ear cleaner.

Me:        Now I am evil for cleaning your ears?

Stella:    Do you know what it is like to have your own ears wiped out?

Me:        Yes. Humans clean their ears.

Stella:    Weird. Your ears do not flop over.

Me:        And we can’t close our ears the way you do.

Stella:    It has taken lots of practice to perfect that move. Still, there is no defense against your nasty ear cleaning drops. So, we are taking a vote. Ear cleaning drops – yay or nay?

Snoopey:   Nay.

Tiger:     Nay.

Wiggles:   Nay,

Doodlebug:   Nay.

Miss Sweetie:    Maybe. Maybe not.

Stella:    That’s a yay. And I vote yay. Unanimous. No more ear cleaning drops.

Me:        I vote nay. My one vote trumps all of yours. I win.

Stella:    Not fair!

Me:        Fair? Have you seen what comes out of your ears? That is what’s not fair.

Stella:    Well, you wanted to be a member of the pack. Welcome.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.





Wait on Me – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        If you say so.

Stella:    I do. And I am thirsty. Give me a drink.

Me:        That is a rude way to ask for something, Stella. And your water bowl is full. Drink your water.

Stella:    I want what you are having.

Me:        I am taking a swig of coffee before I have to go.

Stella:    What is a swig? I want a swig.

Me:        A swig is just a quick sip. And you can’t have coffee. Do you want me to leave the television on? I’ll only be out for about an hour. Everybody else is napping.

Stella:    Will there be zombies?

Me:        No. I can leave it on this station. They will just be showing old westerns.

Stella:    That man on the Picture Box. What is he drinking?

Me:        Since that is a saloon, I’m guessing it’s whiskey.

Stella:    I want a swig of whiskey.

Me:        Nope. No way. Not now. Not ever.

Stella:    You are a terrible waitress.

Me:        I beg your pardon.

Stella:    You have it, but I will not be leaving a tip.

Me:        Okay, too many movies. Honey, this is not a restaurant. I am not your waitress.

Stella:    Of course, you are. We call. You come. You bring us food. You bring us water. You clean out our water bowls. You wipe our faces. You clean our ears…

Me:        Hold on a minute. I have never heard of a waitress who cleaned customers’ ears or wiped their faces.

Stella:    You haven’t been to very good restaurants then. All bulldog restaurants offer that service. Like this one.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill


Open Your Ears – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Now hear this!

Me:        Okay…I am listening…Now hear what?

Stella:    I don’t know. Do you hear anything?

Me:        I hear you. I hear Tiger snoring. I hear the air conditioner running – I wish I didn’t. It is only early spring. I hear Moon the Cat purring. I hear Snoopey whining because Moon is talking to her. Don’t you hear all of that?

Stella:    Yes. But…

Me:        Do you need your ears cleaned out again?

Stella:    NOOOO! NO! NO! NO! I am fine. I can hear everything. Lalalalala! You see. I heard that!

Me:        Oh, come on, Stella. It’s not that big a deal. I have to clean my ears. Everybody has to every once in a while.

Stella:    My ears are fine. See how cute they are, all wrinkled and tucked in. No ear issues here.

Me:        Look, I only have to wipe them out with this soft cloth and…

Stella:    Aaaachhh! Aaaaggghh! Aaaaahhhh. Awwwww. Okay. Well, that’s better. Mmmmm.

Me:        See, you make a big deal out of nothing.

Stella:    My ears are a big deal.

Me:        You should take care of them then.

Stella:    No, YOU should take care of them then.

Me:        Hey, I am trying to, but I am getting serious resistance.

Stella:    Resistance from whom?

Me:        Stella! From you!

Stella:    What? That was not resistance. That was me being bulldoggy. When are you going to accept that I am a bulldog and I will act like a bulldog all the time? Let me be me.

Me:        Okay. And let me be me.

Stella:    What?

Me:        Let me clean your ears without a fight.

Stella:    Nope. Not possible. That would be wrong, plain wrong.

Me:        even if I talk like this

Stella:    What? What are you saying? I can’t hear…oh, clever. Whispering. Trying to make me think my ears are clogged.

Me:        Keep your ears open, Stella. We all need to hear what is going on.

Stella:    Are you going to clean my nose out next?

Me:        If you need me to…

Stella:    NOOOO! Nose is fine!



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.