Keep Your Mess at Home – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, someone has slimed the floor and, for once, it wasn’t me.

Me: That’s from a snail. Look, it’s squeezed back outside.

Doodlebug: Where does it live?

Me: In that big shell on its back.

Sweetie: A house on its back. Well, keep your slime in your own house and stay out of ours!

MoonCat: Snails sliming the place at night? The old “sleep with one eye open” rule still holds true. Don’t get slimed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Sneaky Human Problem – Part 2 – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The problem with sneaky humans is you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You know, treats and food and water and a roof and blankets…

Doodlebug: You may even love them. Hey, birdies, what do you do about cold feet in the winter?

Bud and Baby: Eck. Eck. Sit on them. Warm feathers, warm feet.

MoonCat: The most sensible thing I’ve ever heard. What a nice change.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Sneaky Human Problem – Part One – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Aaagghhh! They’re on my feet! I said no shoes! Get them off! Why weren’t y’all watching?

Me: It’s okay! I was just trying them on you to check the fit. Wait. Were you all planning to stop me? Is that why your feet were tucked up tight.

Doodlebug: I guess we were sleeping with both eyes closed.

MoonCat: Not me. I just laid back and watched the whole thing. It was a hoot and a holler, as some humans say.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Sleep with One Eye Open – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I have called this meeting to address a serious problem.

Doodlebug: What do you mean you have called this meeting? I’m the King. I call the meetings.

Sweetie: Too low, too slow! Meeting called! This “doggie” shoe emergency must be dealt with. If we don’t, we might wake up wearing all kinds of human nonsense. Shoes, hats, vests, sweaters, sunglasses and anything else they drape on themselves.

MoonCat: I told you. There is only one solution. Sleep with one eye open. Then, if a human sneaks up with any nonsense, you can get up and walk away. Humans are funny creatures. They get embarrassed when they disturb our sleep. A guilt trip which works to our advantage. Meeting adjourned.

Sweetie: Hey, wait just a minute…

MoonCat: Meeting. Adjourned.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Just Try It On – Part 2 Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Run. Run. Run, run, run. Free!

Sweetie: Doodle! Hey! You’re dreaming.

Doodlebug: Aw. It was a great dream until…I was running so fast and, all of a sudden, a big heavy boot grabbed my foot and…What’s that?

Sweetie: Lady Human must have sneaked up while you were asleep and stuck one of those nasty “doggie” shoes on your foot.

MoonCat: Sleep with one eye open. Then that sort of thing won’t happen.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Just Try It On – Part One Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Take that away, Lady Human.

Me: Aw, just try it on. They will keep your feet warm and dry during the winter.

Sweetie: My feet stay warm and dry just fine, thank you, without sticking them in little bags.

Me: But these are doggie shoes.

Sweetie: I see your confusion. You’ve mistaken me for something called a “doggie”. I don’t even know what that is.

Doodlebug: I’ll just go over there and find a place to hide.

Sweetie: Don’t sneak off, Doodle. She’s coming for you next. Lady Human, give those whatever they are to the cat.

MoonCat: My delicate feet were not designed to fit into human contraptions. I respectfully decline.

©️ 2025. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Warning! Giant Walking Through! – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s going on? Lots of bird yelling!

Bud and Baby: AAACCCKKK! GIANT! GIANT WALKING!

Me: Hey, y’all, no big deal. It’s only Tall Man.

Sweetie: Yeah, you see him every day.

Bud and Baby: NO! A GIANT! TOO BIG!

Doodlebug: No, he’s not too tall. He’s taller than me and you don’t hear me complaining.

MoonCat: No complaints here either. He can get my treats off the top shelf, clear out of the reach of any bulldog.

©️ 2025. H. J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Clean the Floor – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English  Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you doing?

Me: Same as every day. Cleaning spots on the floor.

Sweetie: Wait! That smells interesting. Let me have it.

Me: No, no, no. That is some mess that got tracked in.

Doodlebug: Still interesting. Let me have a look.

Me: Nope! Hey, cut it out. Stop licking the floor!

Sweetie: Just trying to help.

MoonCat: Sane beasts keep their tongues in their mouths. As I do.

Bud and Baby: Click. Click. Click. Floor too clean. Throw seeds around!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Predator vs. Prey, Sort Of – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Aaagghhh! It’s back!

Me: What now?

Sweetie: The Big Picture Box and its BUG!

Me: Okay, that’s it. I’m turning it off.

Doodlebug: You can turn off a bug? Cool!

Me: Sweetie, what would you do if there were a real bug in the house, instead of just a TV picture of a bug?

Sweetie: Run! Hide! Climb up on something high!

MoonCat: Oh, you big strong bulldog. You really have no working concept of predator and prey, do you?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Parakeet Hair – Conversation with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I must file another complaint, Lady Human.

Me: Oh, must you? And we have an official file now?

Sweetie: Yes, you always say keep everything in good order.

MoonCat: And good order would apply to a bulldog how?

Sweetie: The parakeets are shedding hair all over the place.

Me: Parakeets don’t have hair to shed.

Doodlebug: But there’s all this fluff here.

Me: Feathers. And what’s all this fluff here? Looks like…bulldog hair!

MoonCat: As usual, fluff and nonsense.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

How Come Parakeets Can’t Talk Normal? – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, there’s a lot of nonsense squeaking out of the parakeets’ mouths.

Bud and Baby: Eeek. Eeek. Eeek.

MoonCat: Utter nonsense, therefore, right down a bulldog’s alley.

©️ 2025.H.J.Hill.All Rights Reserved.

Beware Big Picture Boxes – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Do something, Lady Human!

Me: Do something about what? A little more detail, please.

Sweetie: That! Aaaggghhh!

MoonCat: Yes, that scary monster bug showed up on the Big Picture Box and someone found it very disturbing.

Doodlebug: If it comes over here, one swipe of my huge hairy bulldog paw will take care of that. No problem.

Me: It’s not going anywhere. It’s on the TV screen.

Sweetie: Why?

Me: Somebody thought it was interesting.

Sweetie: Typical human foolishness. Lady Human, do you want something like that in the house?

Me: No.

Sweetie: Then why have a giant picture of it in the house?

MoonCat: True. One cannot even eat it.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Disorderly Conduct Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Point of disorder, Lady Human! MoonCat is lounging in my sleeping space!

MoonCat: Point of order, ma’am! I am lounging in my sleeping space.

Me: I have seen you both lounging in that space at the same time.

Doodlebug: Double point of disorder! It is my sleeping space. Let me in there.

Me: Doodle, never have I seen you in that space.

Doodlebug: I am the King. I am claiming this space. Plus I’m bigger than everybody else. So there!

MoonCat: Does bulldog disorder never end?

Me: Apparently not.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Put a Sock in It! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Ahh-oooo! Ahh-ooo!

Me: Sweetie, what in the world are you howling at?

Sweetie: I’m telling the loud chicken to put a sock in it!

Me: I think you mean the rooster.

Sweetie: I think I mean the loud chicken that keeps yelling at the sky!

Me: Yeah, that’s a rooster. Crowing is his thing.

Doodlebug: Pretty soon, he’s going to find out what real crowing sounds like, bulldog-style!

Sweetie: Ahhh-oooo-oooo! Some roosters don’t know when to shut up!

MoonCat:  So says the crowing bulldog.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Ordinary Days – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What special thing is happening today, Lady Human?

Me: Uh…nothing that I know of.

Doodlebug: But you are in charge! Haven’t you scheduled anything special?

Me: Uh…not that I know of. Oh, and that notion that I am in charge of everything that happens? I thought we had that straightened out. I’m not!

Sweetie: Well, that’s inconvenient.

Doodlebug: So what kind of day is this?

Me: I don’t know. An ordinary one? Maybe?

Sweetie: Boring!

Me: Boring can be good.

MoonCat: Ordinary? Boring? With no special bulldog nonsense? Sounds restful. Pardon me while I nap.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Toe Stompin’ Good Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Owwww!

Sweetie: Lady Human, what is all that noise?

Me: You’re standing on my foot!

Sweetie: Oh, big deal!

Me: Yeah, big deal! You’re not exactly a featherweight.

Doodlebug: Here! Let me try. See if I’m a featherweight.

Me: Stop! I already know. You’re not.

MoonCat: And everybody wonders why I keep my paws tucked up under me all the time. Simple self defense.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Step Back! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Do you see where I am standing?

Sweetie: I see. I just don’t care. My feet belong where they are. Everybody else, take your feet away! Lady Human, back me up here.

Me: I’m just trying to move from Point A to Point B without tripping. I’ve got no dog in this fight.

Doodlebug: Uh, excuse me, ma’am, but you have two dogs in this fight. Clear passageways are important.

MoonCat: Bulldogs never know what’s really important. My cushion. My bowls. My places. Me. I’m important. I thought everybody knew that by now.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Grilling Days – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that wonderful aroma floating on the air? Wait! I know!

Sweetie: No! I know it first! It’s meat cooking outside. It’s a grilling day! And about time, too!

Me: Well, someone is grilling, but it’s not us.

Sweetie: Whatever do you mean, Lady Human? Why in the world not?

Me: Barbecue grilling isn’t the only grilling going on outside today. Or didn’t you notice the heat?

MoonCat: Just keep the icy air box going, ma’am, and bring on the nice cold tunafish.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Forward! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Those strange humans are back on our street, Lady Human!

Sweetie: Yeah, listen to all that noise! Let’s go!

Doodlebug: Yeah, let’s go chase ’em off!

Sweetie: BULLDOG CHARGE!

Me: Hold on just a second! Those are the trash collector people. The noise is from their big trucks. You don’t want to chase them off!

Sweetie: Who told them they could come snatch our trash away?

Doodlebug: Yeah! We may need that stuff someday…sometime…maybe.

Sweetie: If it doesn’t smell too bad. Save the garbage!

MoonCat: I think I’ll just find a nice out of the way spot where no one will see me. Best way to avoid nonsense.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.