Guess Who’s Knocking! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I hear a noise that must be stopped.

Sweetie: It’s my friend, the chicken! She’s knocking at the patio door.

MoonCat: Nope. No more residents allowed in my house.

Me: Well, no chickens anyway.

Sweetie: What? No fair!

Me: Sorry, hon. Chickens don’t go well in a house. That’s why they have one of their own.

Sweetie: But she’s knocking. She wants to visit.

Me: I tell you what. Go on out and visit with her awhile.

Doodlebug: Yeah. Do that. Whatever it takes to stop that noise.

Me: Maybe we should give her a name.

Sweetie: There’s only one that fits. Tappy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Part 2 – Conversations with Doodlebug

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Have you reconsidered your hesitancy about your new sleeping pad?

Doodlebug: Does hesitancy mean fear?

Me: Sometimes. But it can also mean caution. Maybe if you would just try it…

Doodlebug: So it could swallow me up and suck me into a cave in the ground? NO! THANK YOU!

Me: Once again, allow me to say, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!

Doodlebug: We shall see.

Me: Yes, we certainly shall. Meanwhile…

Doodlebug: Meanwhile, since you went to all the trouble to get it for me, I will politely place one paw on the edge of it. Just one. Just on the edge.

Me: That’s all I ask. Just try it. You’ll like it.

Doodlebug: We shall see. But if it grabs my foot, we shall see a new sleeping pad torn into tiny little pieces as it so richly deserves.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Sitting – Conversations with Sweetie

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Sweetie: Lady Human! I have a new friend.

Me: I saw that.

Sweetie: She is really nice and friendly and not scared of my big ole bulldog face at all. And she didn’t say anything. Nice and quiet.

Me: Yeah. She just stood right by you the whole time you sat in the patio. Kind of strange for a chicken.

Sweetie: What chicken?

Me: Your new patio friend. She’s a chicken. Remember. We talked about chickens. The birds that have wings, but they only flap and don’t fly.

Sweetie: She doesn’t fly away and she doesn’t talk. Perfect in every way.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bed Shuffle – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh-oh!

Sweetie: “Uh-oh” is right! This is most distressing! Lady Human! Something unidentified has showed up in our sleep spaces!

Me: Yeah! Great, right?

Doodlebug: That’s not what I would call them.

Sweetie: What do we call them?

MoonCat: I would call them new sleep cushions. Anyone would call them that. Ugh. Dogs are so dumb.

Me: Yeah. For extra padding and insulation now that it’s started to get cooler.

Doodlebug: Doesn’t smell like me.

Me: Well, not yet, but give it 5 seconds.

Sweetie: I’m not sure. I think it makes me itchy.

Me: It’s brand new. Nobody’s ever used them before. Oh, Doodlebug, you aren’t even trying yours.

Doodlebug: I trust the floor. It won’t swallow me up and fly me away while I’m asleep.

Me: The pad won’t either. That could never happen.

Sweetie: Says the human, and we all know how smart they are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Harsh My Mellow – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you up to, Lady Human?

Sweetie: Yes, you look weird. I mean, weirder than usual. What’s wrong?

Me: Nothing. I’m just putting my feet up and covering my eyes with a cool cloth. Mellowing out a little.

MoonCat: Meow. Something at which I am an expert.

Sweetie: Nope. That doesn’t sound good. That mellowing business needs to stop.

Doodlebug: Your mellowing doesn’t look very bulldoggy. I’m not going along with it.

Me: But you two were all stretched out and mellow yourselves a few minutes ago.

Sweetie: Well, that was just an error on your part. We don’t do mellow.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Exotic Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is wrong in the air.

Sweetie: Yes, it’s an unusual scent. Not from around here. Uh-oh, it’s Lady Human!

Doodlebug: What have you gotten into, ma’am? It smells…heavy.

Me: Well, I did use a new shampoo on my hair.

Sweetie: Good thing you only have a little hair on top of your head or we would not be able to breathe.

Me: I realize you have industrial strength noses and I can smell this myself.

Sweetie: With your puny little smeller.

Doodlebug: Just imagine what you smell like to us. Time to get some fresh air.

Me: Y’all?

Sweetie: No, you. Maybe the whole sky can float some of that scent away. Phew!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

An Ordinary Day – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: BORING!

Me: What if we do something really interesting and exciting?

Sweetie: BORING!

Doodlebug: But a nice try, Lady Human.

MoonCat: Meow. Why are dogs so easily bored? I am never bored.

Sweetie: All you ever do is stretch, eat, and nap.

MoonCat: Precisely. Never a boring moment.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Schedule – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Teatime is late, Lady Human. This is not a complaint, but it really is a complaint.

Me: It’s not nearly time for that yet.

Sweetie: Bulldog schedules are never wrong. Our stomachs are finely tuned instruments, far better than your clocks.

Me: I’ve noticed that y’all have been moving mealtimes around the last few weeks. Is it because the weather is cooling off?

Doodlebug: Bulldogs don’t respond to the weather any more than we respond to your human clocks.

MoonCat: Meow! Time to eat!

Me: Oh, not you, too.

MoonCat: Not me, too! Me first!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mad as a Wet Hen – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human, it’s that big bird again.

Me: Yeah, I see her.

Sweetie: She’s all wet. How come?

Me: It rained earlier. She must have decided to stay out in the downpour instead of going inside her house.

Sweetie: Is that why she’s in my space, stomping around?

Me: She’s probably just trying to figure things out.

Sweetie: Well, one thing she needs to figure out is when to come in out of the rain.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Handful – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s the holdup? Where’s my supper?

MoonCat: Meow. Supper is late. And it’s me first, remember.

Me: I’m trying. I’ve got a handful of stuff I’m trying to sort out.

Doodlebug: No problem, Lady Human. Just hurry it up.

MoonCat: As long as it’s a handful of food for me.

Sweetie: Handful nothin’! I’m a bulldog! Bring the bucket!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Running around like a Chicken – Conversations with Sweetie

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Sweetie: Lady Human, we have a problem.

Me: What’s wrong?

Sweetie: There is something running around my sunbath area. I think it is a bird. It has wings, but it is not flying. I think something needs to be done.

Me: It’s alright, Sweetie. It’s a chicken.

Sweetie: Well, I knew it wasn’t a bulldog. But I don’t think it’s right to have a big chicken running around my sunbath spot.

Me: She won’t bother you.

Sweetie: What if she wants my spot? I’m not giving up my spot to a bird. I mean, what if she invites friends? It won’t be a sunbath anymore. It’ll be a bird bath.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Burned Egg Temptation – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Where is it? Where is it? I smell it. Wait! It was right here on the floor. Emphasis on the was.

Me: Oh, you mean the eggs. Tall Man burned some eggs he was cooking and they spilled on the floor as he was taking them to the trash.

Sweetie: Spilled eggs? Trash? Eggs never belong in the trash, even burned ones. Where are they? Nevermind. I’ll check the trash.

Doodlebug: Too late.

Sweetie: Why are you licking your lips?

Doodlebug: Well, you see, you were taking a nap and there were these burned eggs on the floor and I didn’t want anybody to slip on them and I didn’t want anybody else to be tempted by them so…problem solved. Don’t bother to thank me.

Sweetie: Oh, I won’t.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Head Pets – Conversation with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Come over here, Doodle.

Sweetie: I’ll come over.

Me: Okay, but I still want Doodlebug to come.

MoonCat: Are you giving out treats?

Me: Not right now. Just head pets.

Sweetie: I’ll take one.

MonnCat: Me, too. Briefly.

Me: Come on, Doodle Boy. Head pets.

Doodlebug: Is this a trick?

Me: Since when is a head pet a trick?

Doodlebug: How do I know it’s not an attempt to control me?

Me: Don’t you like head pets?

Doodlebug: Yes. More than just about anything. Which makes them just the sort of thing humans would use to get their way.

Me: So…head pet?

Doodlebug: Yes, please. I guess it’s worth the risk.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.