I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what is that wonderful stink?
Me: Are stinks wonderful?
Doodlebug: All the time!
Me: Humans consider stinks bad.
Doodlebug: Human noses are uneducated.
Sweetie: Yeah, this smell is a real nose wrinkler.
MoonCat: Human noses may be uneducated, but they do have the good sense to wear masks at times.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, may I have the stinky leftover food you still have in the cold box from Big Food Day?
Doodlebug: Hey, share!
Me: We do not have any stinky leftovers in the refrigerator.
Sweetie: Then how come I can smell them?
Me: You’re scenting some strong spices we don’t often use.
Sweetie: Smells good enough to be garbage, in my humble bulldog opinion.
MoonCat: When was there ever an humble bulldog? Better safe than sorry though. Where are my noseplugs?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. This is a special day.
Me: Yes. It is. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day.
Sweetie: Doodlebug means the house air smells good today. That’s not always true.
Me: How well I know.
Sweetie: Hey, humans have their stinky moments, too, Lady Human.
Me: How well I know.
Sweetie: But today is a special smell good day. Can’t every day smell this good?
MoonCat: We would have to have some major cooperation from…well, we all know.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, just how weak is your nose? Can you smell what I’m thinking?
Me: Uh…no. Sometimes I can look at you and tell what you are thinking. Like when you are side glancing at your empty food bowl.
Doodlebug: Seeing is fine. Smelling is so much better.
Sweetie: Yeah, smelling can tell you things eyes never can, like whether or not someone is likeable or trustworthy or kind. Or interesting.
MoonCat: Or if they have treats in their pocket. Admit it, bulldogs. That’s what’s really interesting to you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, do you smell?
Me: You mean do I stink?
Sweetie: Well, of course you stink. You’re a human. No, I mean can you smell stuff?
Me: Yeah, but not a fraction as well as y’all can.
Doodlebug: Can you smell when somebody you know has passed by a spot?
Me: Only if they’re wearing perfume. Or, well, doing something else.
Sweetie: Can you scent when someone is in a bad mood and you should stay away?
Me: No, but I sure wish I could.
MoonCat: Can you scent when the air is stale because bulldogs have been opening their wide mouths too much, polluting the air? I sure can.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Pointy: “Aim high. It smells way better up there.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“If something smells wrong, don’t point at someone else until you’ve checked for the source.”
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What’s that smell?
Sweetie: What smell? I don’t smell a smell.
MoonCat: Don’t ask a bulldog, Lady Human. Their noses are stunted.
Me: If I can smell that, surely a dog can.
Doodlebug: Are you insulting our nasal capabilities?
Sweetie: How rude!
Me: Forgive me. I’ll just go ask a bloodhound for an opinion, shall I? If I can find one.
Sweetie: We can’t help it that you sniff better than we do.
Doodlebug: Yeah, we are simple bulldogs. Not everybody can have a big ole long pointy nose like yours, ma’am.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Hmmph.
Me: Okay, I know that hmmph. What’s wrong?
Sweetie: My water has a funny smell.
Me: Only if it’s a smell you put in it just now. I washed your bowl and refilled it not half an hour ago.
Sweetie: Smell it.
Me: Sorry, I don’t smell a thing.
Doodlebug: She means use your bulldog nose.
Me: I don’t have a bulldog nose.
Sweetie: Can you order one? From that place that sends all the great cardboard boxes?
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.
MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.
Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.
Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!
Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.
Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…
Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.
Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…
Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.
Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Resist temptation! Resist it! Resist! Oh, doggone it! Why’d they leave it out where it could call my name?”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?
Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.
Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.
Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“There are lots of scents in the world. Keep your nose close to the ground. That’s where the most interesting smelliest ones can be found.”
Copyright 2023. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 