Commenting in Your Sleep – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: How well I know! What’s the problem, boy?

Doodlebug: Problem? What problem? There’s no problem.

Sweetie: She means why are you barking in your sleep?

Doodlebug: I was doing no such thing!

MoonCat: Yes. You were. Admit the truth, bulldog! You all are blabbermouths even when you sleep.

Doodlebug: Well, if I was talking in my sleep, and that’s a big IF, it’s because I had something to say. So…what did I say?

Sweetie: I dunno.

MoonCat: Who cares?

Me: I needed an interpreter.

Doodlebug: It could have been the most important thing ever said and you humans have all these phones and recording dealywhoppers and nobody captured my special comments…

Sweetie: Whoa there, big boy! Let’s not get carried away! Not every burp that you let loose smells like roses.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Fuss Budgets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop looking at me!

Sweetie: I’m not looking at you. Do you think you’re that good-looking? How conceited!

Doodlebug: I’m not conceited! You are!

Sweetie: No, you are!

Doodlebug: No, you are!

MoonCat: Meow. No, you both are!

Me: What in the world is going on? I’ve never heard so much noise.

Doodlebug: It’s their fault. They won’t stop talking.

Sweetie: No, Doodle started it. He thinks he’s the king.

Doodlebug: I am the King.

MoonCat: You’re not the king of me!

Me: Cut it out, y’all! What a bunch of fussing over nothing. Next you’ll be fussing at me.

Sweetie: Patience, Lady Human! Wait your turn! We’ll get around to you!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Barking – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. That noise must stop.

Me: You mean your barking?

Sweetie: No, Lady Human, you know what noise. That awful chicken barking from outside.

MoonCat: Meow. Yes, it must stop. It is worse than bulldog barking if that is even possible…which it is not.

Me: Chickens don’t usually respond to commands.

Doodlebug: So, they do have something in common with bulldogs.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldoggese Interpreter Needed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie, silence please! You are talking up a storm and saying nothing.

Sweetie: Ruff! Ruff! Bark. Eewww! Arghhh!

Me: Does anybody know what she’s saying? It’s all over the place.

MoonCat: Meow. Sounds like bulldog nonsense to me. But then all bulldog speech is nonsense. Nobody can interpret that.

Me: Okay, Sweetie, you just came back in from outside. You just ate a little while ago. Your water bowl is full. You sound like a mixed bag of everything rolled into one.

Sweetie: It is so simple! LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME ALL THE TIME! DO WHAT I SAY EVEN IF I DON’T SAY ANYTHING YOU UNDERSTAND! I AM IN CHARGE HERE! WHY DON’T YOU ALL GET THAT?

Doodlebug: Oh, is that all?

MoonCat: Same ole, same ole.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Too Much Talk – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie is giving a speech. Again.

Sweetie: Hear ye! Hear ye!

Doodlebug: What does that mean?

Sweetie: I don’t know. I heard it on the humans’ Picture Box.

MoonCat: It doesn’t matter. I’ve already stopped listening.

Sweetie: I am going to exercise my mouth until it gets tired. And I do not tire easily. I am a bulldog.

Me: So you are just going to keep barking for no reason until you decide to stop. Is that it?

Sweetie: And why not? Humans do it all the time. You all complain about dogs barking, but you never shut your own mouths.

Me: Well, I have something to say about that.

Doodlebug: Of course, you do.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Battle of Floor Mopping – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. ALERT! ALERT!

Sweetie: DOUBLE ALERT!

Me: What in the world is going on?

Doodlebug: Tall Man is fighting with the mop for control of the floor!

Sweetie: The mop is winning!

Doodlebug: He needs reinforcements.

Me: Y’all settle down. Too much barking over too little.

Sweetie: Wait. How did you know it was us barking?

Me: Cats don’t bark.

Doodlebug: Humans do. How did you know it wasn’t Tall Man? It could have been.

Sweetie: Naw. Different accent.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.