“If something smells wrong, don’t point at someone else until you’ve checked for the source.”
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Pointing Paws
Forward! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Those strange humans are back on our street, Lady Human!
Sweetie: Yeah, listen to all that noise! Let’s go!
Doodlebug: Yeah, let’s go chase ’em off!
Sweetie: BULLDOG CHARGE!
Me: Hold on just a second! Those are the trash collector people. The noise is from their big trucks. You don’t want to chase them off!
Sweetie: Who told them they could come snatch our trash away?
Doodlebug: Yeah! We may need that stuff someday…sometime…maybe.
Sweetie: If it doesn’t smell too bad. Save the garbage!
MoonCat: I think I’ll just find a nice out of the way spot where no one will see me. Best way to avoid nonsense.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Let an Expert Take Charge! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Something must be done and I am just the one to do it!
Me: Do what?
Doodlebug: It better not involve my food.
Me: Just what are you going to do, Sweetie?
Sweetie: You’ll know it when you see it.
Me: I still don’t understand…
Sweetie: Stand aside, please. Coming through.
MoonCat: Once again, welcome to the inexplicable world of bulldogges.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Mirror
“Look at that! A window that looks back at you.”
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Be Careful What Button You Push
Watch out! Once you’ve pushed the button, you can’t unpush it. You’re stuck with your choice.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Head Rest – Conversations with Sweetie
Me: Sweetie, what are you doing?
Sweetie: Just stay seated where you are, Lady Human.
Me: You’re nudging my leg over.
Sweetie: Yes, it’s almost perfect. There. The perfect head rest. Just the way I like it.
Me: You might want to ask me first next time. There are things I need to get up to do.
Sweetie: Never you mind about all that, ma’am. Being my head rest is the only job you have for now.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Grumble Dogs – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Errrrrr…
Sweetie: Errrrrr yourself! My errrrrr is better than your errrrrr. You just sound like wah, wah, wah…
Doodlebug: Says who?
Sweetie: Says ME, that’s WHO!
Me: What’s all the noise about?
MoonCat: Nothing important enough to wake me from my nap, that’s what!
Sweetie: Where’s my snack? And where has the sun gone? How can I sunbathe without a sun to bathe in?
Doodlebug: And when it going to stop raining? Stupid sky!
Me: Anything else y’all want to complain about? No, forget I said that.
Sweetie: As a matter of fact…
Doodlebug: Don’t get me started.
Me: Too late for that apparently.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Parakeet Dictionary – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I’m confused.
MoonCat: Is that new and unusual?
Me: What’s the confusion?
Sweetie: Those chattering birds.
Me: The parakeets.
Sweetie: Whatever. I need a word book to understand them.
Me: Like a dictionary?
Doodlebug: Like a “this means this” and “that means that” book, because they make no sense at all and they only talk birdy talk all the time.
MoonCat: Excuse me, please, while I spend my day in a worthwhile pursuit – naptime.
Doodlebug: Start pencil scratching, Lady Human. First word: “Ack”. Always said in a loud voice.
Me: Well, I’m not sure, but it seems to mean they’re excited.
Sweetie: ACK!
Me: Oh, that’s way loud!
Sweetie: I’m bulldog excited! Okay, keep writing! Next word…
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Drop It…Again!
If it’s heavy, if it’s not yours, if you shook it off before and it came back, drop it again! Even a bulldog doesn’t have to carry everything!
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Serious
“Do I look as though I’m giving up?”
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Who Is Throwing Ice Cubes? – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. The sky is screaming again, Lady Human.
Me: Stay calm and stay inside, y’all. That’s just the storm siren.
Sweetie: Just? Just?
Me: We’re alright.
Sweetie: The sky is throwing ice cubes at us! Is that alright? What is it trying to do? Make iced tea?
Me: That’s hail. It’s one reason we have a roof and walls.
Doodlebug: What are the other reasons? What else is the sky plotting to chunk at us?
Sweetie: I am going to write a strongly worded letter to the humans in charge of weather. Whoever that is, they are not doing a good job!
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Everything Not Nailed Down – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The wind, Lady Human! The wind.
Me: Yeah, when I was a kid, we used to say that winds like this were likely to carry off anything not nailed down.
Doodlebug: It’s about to carry me off! Nail me down!
Bud: Nail. Nail.
Me: Don’t worry. Y’all are safe inside.
MoonCat: Good. Fussing time is naptime for me. Good night.
Sweetie: Nail me down, Lady Human, so I don’t blow away! I’m not that chubby! Really I’m not!
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sweep the Sky – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, look! The sky got swept clean. The blue is showing again. You actually swept up the dirt from something. Good for you!
MoonCat: Well done. I’m taking a nap. Y’all can fuss on your own.
Me: I didn’t sweep the sky clean. Credit where credit is due. The Great Creator took care of all that. The winds died down. The dirt fell to earth and settled in a new place.
Doodlebug: I’m glad He worked that out because had we waited for you to use your broom…
Sweetie: We’d still be waiting.
Copyright 2025 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Who Threw Dirt in the Sky? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Aaah-choo! Unacceptable, Lady Human! Absolutely unacceptable!
Sweetie: Who messed up the sky? It is a funny brownish color. It is making my nose itch. Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Humans did it.
Me: Well, actually…
Sweetie: Don’t try to shirk your responsibility, ma’am. We know who causes these problems.
MoonCat: We know it’s not cats.
Me: The color is caused by dust in the air stirred up by high winds these last few days. It’s as though half of west Texas got blown over here.
Doodlebug: Then half of west Texas can take it back. I will issue a royal edict.
Sweetie: Yeah, that always works.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Old Royal Canard – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Oh, that old chestnut.
Mooncat: I prefer the term ‘that old canard’. It sounds less bulldoggy.
Baby and Bud: Canard. Canard.
Sweetie: Oh, no! Don’t get them started!
Doodlebug: Too late.
Baby and Bud: Canard. Canard.
Sweetie: Here we go. Another old chestnut gone off the rails.
Copyright 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sweater Weather – Again – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Hey, y’all. It’s still pretty chilly. Here, Sweetie, try on this sweater I crocheted. Doodle, I have some more sweaters you can try…
Doodlebug: Nope.
Me: Well, go ahead and try this one, Sweetie.
Sweetie: Nope.
Me: It’s plenty big and nice and warm…
Sweetie: Nope.
Me: Okay, Doodlebug. You go ahead and…
Doodlebug: Noooooo.
Me: Come on, y’all.
Sweetie: Let me spell this like the humans do. NO!
Me: In that case, MoonCat…
MoonCat: Don’t even look in my direction.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Wear a Bigger Hat
To keep sky water from falling on your head, wear a bigger hat.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Earth under Our Feet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Look! Look! See!
Me: See what? Where?
Sweetie: The ground! It’s back! Right where it belongs.
Me: You mean the snow is pretty much gone.
Sweetie: And the earth has returned.
MoonCat: Oh my! Bulldogs. I give up.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Cold, White, Wet, and Weird! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human! Help! It is awful! And cold! And white! And wet! And weird! And it’s falling from the sky!
Me: It’s snow.
Doodlebug: Why?
Me: Conditions just got right and there it is. Snow.
Sweetie: Make it stop.
Me: It’ll do that soon enough on it’s own.
Sweetie: NO! NOW!
MoonCat: Calm down, silly bully. Do what sane animals like cats do. Take a nap.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
COLD! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: You look disgruntled, boy.
Doodlebug: If disgruntled is the human word for COLD, then I am DISGRUNTLED!
Sweetie: It’s just another case of the humans not managing things very well.
MoonCat: Oh, dogs, dogs, dogs. Get snuggled down in your blankets and cushions. Tuck your chunky bulldog paws under you. Then bury your gigantic noses in a pillow. Simply compensate for human mismanagement
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 