I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, here with a warning to all my bulldog and human friends. (Cats can fend for themselves as they are quite fast, slinky, and sneaky.) Recently, we have been getting pelted from above by some pecan-obsessed squirrels led by my nemesis, Jerky McSquirrelyFace.
If you are a bulldog and a pecan shell hits you on the head, no big deal. Bulldog skulls are thick.
Me: Hahahaha! Thick skulls!
Stella: Why are you laughing?
Me: You know. Thick skulls. Like not very smart. Old human expression.
Stella: I am talking about a danger to avoid and you are being rude with one of your silly old human sayings.
Me: Sorry.
Stella: The sky is a dangerous place because weird things fall out of it. Nobody should aim their big eyeballs up lest an obnoxious squirrel or careless bird or one of those humans working on electrical poles should happen to drop something from above.
Me: It probably doesn’t happen that often really.
Stella: You have never known a human who had something dropped on them?
Me: Well, now that you mention it, when Tall Man was a boy, he was climbing a tree one day and a piece of bark fell into his eye. It got scratched slightly and we had to go to the doctor for some drops.
Stella: Fell into his eye? Yeah, sure. It was probably a setup by a squirrel who hid behind the tree and laughed and laughed. A whole trip to the vet because of the dangerous sky.
Me: We don’t go to vets actually. Our doctors are called…doctors.
Stella: So are vets. What’s your point?
Me: No point. Never mind.
Stella: I have a point. Don’t look up at the sky, especially not with your mouth open. Do not allow sky creatures to make deposits in your mouth. That is all.
Me: Can we look up with our mouths closed and our eyes open?
Stella: What happened when Tall Man did that?
Me: How about to watch fireworks?
Stella: NOOO! Never! Never! Never! Fireworks are evil!
Me: What about this eclipse that’s coming up?
Stella: Where the sun gets covered up? Why in the world would you want to look up at that? What’s so special? The sun gets covered up every night. How will you protect yourself from a stray squirrel tossing debris on your face? Bottom line, humans, don’t look up at the sky unless you want to have a sky creature deposit something nasty on your face. The End.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 