Me: Look. A fly wouldn’t stand a chance of sitting on your bowl if your big ole bulldog mouth would eat when your food is set down and not hours later.
Sweetie: There’s just no telling where its feet have been.
MoonCat: No doubt all the same places your feet have been.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: How well I know! What’s the problem, boy?
Doodlebug: Problem? What problem? There’s no problem.
Sweetie: She means why are you barking in your sleep?
Doodlebug: I was doing no such thing!
MoonCat: Yes. You were. Admit the truth, bulldog! You all are blabbermouths even when you sleep.
Doodlebug: Well, if I was talking in my sleep, and that’s a big IF, it’s because I had something to say. So…what did I say?
Sweetie: I dunno.
MoonCat: Who cares?
Me: I needed an interpreter.
Doodlebug: It could have been the most important thing ever said and you humans have all these phones and recording dealywhoppers and nobody captured my special comments…
Sweetie: Whoa there, big boy! Let’s not get carried away! Not every burp that you let loose smells like roses.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Fess up, Lady Human! What did you do today?
Me: Do? I made some macaroni salad and washed your bedding and…
Sweetie: She’s pretending she doesn’t know. What did you do…TO THE SUN?
Me: Oh, that! I didn’t have anything to do with that. That was a total eclipse. Completely out of my control.
Doodlebug: I suppose you’re going to say that the Great Creator took the sun away and made the sky go dark.
Sweetie: When it wasn’t supposed to! Right when I had scheduled my sunbath!
Me: Well, as a matter of fact…
Doodlebug: I’ve heard enough! Humans! Always blaming someone else for the problems they cause.
MoonCat: I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Your silly sun is back. Besides, darkness is a much more enjoyable time of day. So many places to sneak around and hide in.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you dancing for, Sweetie?
Sweetie: Lady Human finally figured it out, the reason for my discontent. Yay!
Doodlebug: Oh, I knew that! You got your sleep blanket all wet. That’s what happens when you keep dipping it in your water bowl and then wipe your big wet face on it.
MoonCat: Sorry to have to say it out loud, but DUH!
Sweetie: But she’s fixed it now with a dry one and I forgive her. She’s a human after all and they can’t help being a little slow on the uptake.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Thank you, Lady Human, for making my special man cave. It is so warm and cozy, covered with soft blankets.
Sweetie: Oh, is that what stinks?
Doodlebug: It smells like me. Regal and masculine.
Bulldoggy 