Be Reasonable – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie, stop!

Sweetie: Stop what?

Me: Think for a second. What are you doing right now?

Sweetie: Talking to you.

Me: Before that.

Sweetie: Minding my own business.

Me: You were chewing on the corner of the plastic box.

Sweetie: Oh, that. That’s just a hobby of mine.

Me: Stop it. Why would you even do that?

Sweetie: Because…fun.

Me: It’s not food. It can’t taste very good. And it could harm you if you swallow any of it. Be reasonable.

Sweetie: Oh, you mean like humans?

Me: We don’t chew on plastic.

Sweetie: No, you just chew on everything else.

Copyright 2024 H. J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Buckets and Mops and Brooms! Oh, My! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: We are under attack! Man your stations! I mean, Dog your stations!

Me: I have never understood this. This is a bucket. This is a mop. This is a broom. What is the problem?

Doodlebug: We are outnumbered!

Sweetie: Yeah, we can’t count on the cat.

MoonCat: Why should I interfere when those things clean up bulldog dirt?

Doodlebug: And I’m not sure which side Lady Human is on.

Sweetie: Look out! That broom thing has swept up some spilled food! Don’t worry! I’ll save you!

Me: Save food by eating it? Okay, I guess.

Sweetie: Y’all can keep that other crumbly stuff.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we’ll arrange to track more in later.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Cardboard Box Domination – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why is Sweetie so loud, Lady Human?

Me: She is wrestling the big cardboard box into submission.

Sweetie: Grrrrr! Arrgghh! You’re not the boss of me! Grrrrrrrr!

MoonCat: I’ve never seen such a fuss over a cardboard box.

Me: I’ve seen you love lots of boxes in your time.

MoonCat: Yes, but gently, like old friends. Places where I could retreat to solitude and be hidden away from loud, obnoxious bulldogs.

Sweetie: No box gets by with locking me out! Grrrr! Down with those cardboard walls! Arrgghh!

Doodlebug: Well, not a box anymore.

MoonCat: Nope. Just a flat cardboard mess.

Sweetie: All right, Lady Human. When does the next cardboard box delivery get here? I’m ready.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Human Blunders – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Fess up, Lady Human! What did you do today?

Me: Do? I made some macaroni salad and washed your bedding and…

Sweetie: She’s pretending she doesn’t know. What did you do…TO THE SUN?

Me: Oh, that! I didn’t have anything to do with that. That was a total eclipse. Completely out of my control.

Doodlebug: I suppose you’re going to say that the Great Creator took the sun away and made the sky go dark.

Sweetie: When it wasn’t supposed to! Right when I had scheduled my sunbath!

Me: Well, as a matter of fact…

Doodlebug: I’ve heard enough! Humans! Always blaming someone else for the problems they cause.

MoonCat: I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Your silly sun is back. Besides, darkness is a much more enjoyable time of day. So many places to sneak around and hide in.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bribery, Trickery, and Deceit – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Okay, what are you up to, Lady Human?

Me: Up to? Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: I saw you fooling around with our softie food. You hid something in it, didn’t you?

Me: Would I do that?

Doodlebug: Absolutely!

Sweetie: Yes, without question!

MoonCat: Do I even need to answer that?

Me: Don’t you want this wonderful smelling treat? Mmmm! It’s so good. It’s your favorite!

Sweetie: It does smell good.

Doodlebug: It does look good.

MoonCat: Ask the question, bulldogs. What’s the catch?

Sweetie: Is this a bribe?

Doodlebug: Yeah, you want us to do something we wouldn’t do otherwise.

Sweetie: But it does look good.

Doodlebug: And it does smell good. Oh, all right. Give it here.

Sweetie: Mmmm. Is there any more?

Me: Not right now.

MoonCat: You all sold out cheap.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tight Spaces – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie, what do you think you’re doing?

Sweetie: Just trying new things. Look how well I fit in here.

Me: No, you don’t. We’ve talked about this before. There isn’t enough room for you to squeeze your head between that heavy chair and that table. There just isn’t.

Sweetie: Are you calling me fat?

Me: No, I’m calling you what you are. A big-boned bulldog of the English variety, and you can’t fit in any ole tight space you choose.

Sweetie: Watch me! Mmmm…hmmph!

Me: See what I mean?

Sweetie: But if I try hard enough, I should be able to fit anywhere!

Me: Not if it’s physically impossible. And why would you even want to?

Sweetie: It’s a bulldog thing. I’ll just keep trying.

Me: That’s what I was afraid of.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

It’s in the Can – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s on the menu?

Me: Pretty much the same as always.

Doodlebug: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Little crunchy brown balls and your attempt at cooking.

Sweetie: Where’s the good stuff?

Me: What good stuff?

Sweetie: You know. The delicious softie food that comes off the round metal thing that digs it out of the other round metal thing.

Me: You mean the big spoon with the canned food?

Doodlebug: Everything’s better if it comes from a can.

MoonCat: Cat wisdom from down through the years. I’m glad the bulldogs have caught up.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Dissatisfied Customers – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is the meaning of this? I have never been treated so shabbily in my life!

Me: What’s the problem now?

Doodlebug: There is some kind of muck in my food bowl.

Sweetie: Back to a one star review.

Me: We’ve been over this. This is not a hotel or a restaurant.

Sweetie: Good thing. You wouldn’t be in business by sundown.

Me: The “muck” in your bowl is fresh homemade food, made just for y’all.

Doodlebug: I beg your pardon. Our standards are higher than this.

Me: Higher standards? Like when I caught you trying to eat your own…

Sweetie: Don’t bring that up, Lady Human. That’s a painful memory. And a foul smell.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Little Slow on the Uptake – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you dancing for, Sweetie?

Sweetie: Lady Human finally figured it out, the reason for my discontent. Yay!

Doodlebug: Oh, I knew that! You got your sleep blanket all wet. That’s what happens when you keep dipping it in your water bowl and then wipe your big wet face on it.

MoonCat: Sorry to have to say it out loud, but DUH!

Sweetie: But she’s fixed it now with a dry one and I forgive her. She’s a human after all and they can’t help being a little slow on the uptake.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Wouldn’t a Bulldog Do? – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m Sweetie. Hello.

Me: Hello yourself. After all the things I’ve seen y’all do over the years, is there something you can say a bulldog would not do?

Doodlebug: Hmmm. Nope. Nothing.

Sweetie: Nope. I’m pretty much open to anything.

Me: Nothing you wouldn’t eat?

Doodlebug: Given the chance, I’ll chomp down on whatever. Hey, even if not given the chance, I’ll go for it!

Sweetie: After I inspect it for aroma and taste, yeah. Then I’ll chomp down on it. You can’t be too careful nowadays.

MoonCat: What about rocks? Would you eat rocks?

Doodlebug: What flavor?

MoonCat: It almost goes without saying, Lady Human, but here it is. Stupid is as bulldog does.

Copyright 2024 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Man Cave – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Thank you, Lady Human, for making my special man cave. It is so warm and cozy, covered with soft blankets.

Sweetie: Oh, is that what stinks?

Doodlebug: It smells like me. Regal and masculine.

MoonCat: Don’t expect me to visit.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

No Halfway – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Let me say at the outset that I never do anything wrong, but if I ever did, I would do it without holding back. Just like Sweetie is doing to Lady Human’s big blue chair.

Me: What? Oh, Sweetie! No!

Sweetie: Hmmm?

Me: The arm of my chair is soaked with your mouth drool! How long have you been licking there? It couldn’t be wetter if someone poured water on it.

Sweetie: Thank you for noticing, Lady Human. Whatever I do, it’s 110% or nothing. No halfway for me.

Doodlebug: And I think with that said, I’m going to take a nap.

MoonCat: Yes. I’m for doing nothing, too.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Construction Project Manager – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: All right. Here we are again. Why are you sitting on that piece of cardboard instead of your pile of comfy blankets or your padded bed or your big red cushion?

Sweetie: Allow me to explain, bulldog style. First, bring that very large open box over here.

Me: To put one cardboard box on top of a flattened cardboard box?

Sweetie nods.

Me: Now you are tapping the big red cushion which means you want that moved to the new cardboard box.

Sweetie nods.

Me: There. Per your command.

Sweetie: Naturally. Ahhhh. Nothing like efficient bulldog management.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Falling Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something very sad is happening. The sky is falling apart. Little pieces of it are falling to the ground. I have always liked looking at the sky, but now it is going away. I shall miss it.

Me: The sky is not falling.

Doodlebug: I beg to differ. Look. Watch out that it doesn’t hit you.

MoonCat: Meow. I don’t go outside. Problem solved.

Me: What you are seeing are snow flurries, tiny ice crystals. I know you don’t remember, but we have seen them before.

Doodlebug: Wait. Snow. I’ve heard that word before.

Sweetie: And it covered the ground and swallowed our feet where we walked. NOOOO!

Me: It’ll be all right. There may not be that much this time.

Doodlebug: NOOOO! Swallowed feet!

Sweetie: NOOOO! Swallowed poop!

MoonCat: Now you see why I’m happy inside.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Private Property – No Cats Allowed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, intruder alert!

Me: Oh, no. What now?

Sweetie: The cat has moved into my sleeping space!

MoonCat: It was unoccupied, so I took advantage of the vacancy.

Me: Well, Sweetie, you were sleeping on your special pad, so…

Sweetie: So she just parks herself wherever, whenever? How disorderly! How…catlike!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Fuss Budgets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop looking at me!

Sweetie: I’m not looking at you. Do you think you’re that good-looking? How conceited!

Doodlebug: I’m not conceited! You are!

Sweetie: No, you are!

Doodlebug: No, you are!

MoonCat: Meow. No, you both are!

Me: What in the world is going on? I’ve never heard so much noise.

Doodlebug: It’s their fault. They won’t stop talking.

Sweetie: No, Doodle started it. He thinks he’s the king.

Doodlebug: I am the King.

MoonCat: You’re not the king of me!

Me: Cut it out, y’all! What a bunch of fussing over nothing. Next you’ll be fussing at me.

Sweetie: Patience, Lady Human! Wait your turn! We’ll get around to you!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The All-Day Breakfast Club – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Good breakfast, Lady Human! Another, please.

Sweetie: Same here, please.

MoonCat: Meow. For once, and for this one time only, mind you, I agree with the bulldogges. Keep it coming.

Me: Uh, how about ‘no’? You all ate just a very short time ago. We do not eat all day long.

Doodlebug: What do you mean ‘we do not’? I do.

Sweetie: So do you, Lady Human. I’ve seen how many times you go to that cold air box and pull out stuff that you shove into your mouth.

MoonCat: Meow. Yep. Come on. Fair is fair.

Sweetie: We’ll make it easy for you. Just set it out…

Doodlebug: In three bowls. No sharing!

MoonCat: Meow. We’ll handle the timing on our own.

Doodlebug: Now that those details are settled, I hereby declare the All-Day Breakfast Club to be permanently in session.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Please Reset the Early Alarm – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Oh, no, not again.

MoonCat: Meow! What’s the holdup?

Me: What is going on?

MoonCat: The Great Big Light is awake in the sky. Food time!

Sweetie: Ugghhh! If I can wait, you can wait. And I can wait.

Me: Yes, so can I. Is there any way we can reset the breakfast alarm to something a little later than dawn?

Doodlebug: Since I have adjusted my schedule to a late breakfast, I agree. I hereby issue a royal command. No breakfast alarm until…

MoonCat: …the cat says so. Done and done.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Trundler – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Out of the way! Coming through!

Doodlebug: You call that “coming through”? Let me show you!

Sweetie: Hey, I move at my own pace.

MoonCat: Meow. Is that pace called ‘creep along’?

Sweetie: Do I look like a creeper?

Me: No, I think your style is more trundler.

Sweetie: Aw, Lady Human, just like you.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.