Who Threw Dirt in the Sky? – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Aaah-choo! Unacceptable, Lady Human! Absolutely unacceptable!

Sweetie: Who messed up the sky? It is a funny brownish color. It is making my nose itch. Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Humans did it.

Me: Well, actually…

Sweetie: Don’t try to shirk your responsibility, ma’am. We know who causes these problems.

MoonCat: We know it’s not cats.

Me: The color is caused by dust in the air stirred up by high winds these last few days. It’s as though half of west Texas got blown over here.

Doodlebug: Then half of west Texas can take it back. I will issue a royal edict.

Sweetie: Yeah, that always works.

©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Old Royal Canard – Conversations with the Big Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Oh, that old chestnut.

Mooncat: I prefer the term ‘that old canard’. It sounds less bulldoggy.

Baby and Bud: Canard. Canard.

Sweetie: Oh, no! Don’t get them started!

Doodlebug: Too late.

Baby and Bud: Canard. Canard.

Sweetie: Here we go. Another old chestnut gone off the rails.

Copyright 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Passing of Little Friend – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that laying in your hand, Lady Human?

Sweetie: It looks like…IT IS! ONE OF OUR PARAKEETS!

Me: NO! No, it’s not! Look! Both of our parakeets are still here! Tall Man found this little parakeet outside on the patio fence. He must have flown in and sat down and…passed away.

MoonCat: I had nothing to do with that.

Me: I know, girl. I guess this little guy escaped from his home, wherever that was. He was lost. And it’s been so cold these last few mornings that he just couldn’t make it and…

Doodlebug: He flew here because it was safe.

Me: But it was too late and we didn’t know about him.

MoonCat: And he perched on our fence.

Sweetie: Why did he come here? He could have gone anywhere.

Me: Maybe…

Sweetie: The Great Creator. He knew.

Me: This is so strange. Nothing like this has ever happened to us before.

Doodlebug: Just like when we all came here. Not an accident.

Me: The Lord Jesus said something very interesting about little birds. He said that the fall of even a tiny sparrow doesn’t happen without the Heavenly Father’s notice.

Sweetie: He should have a name. Everyone should have a name.

Me: All right. I’m going to call him ‘Little Tejas’. It’s the name of our home. Texas. It comes from an old Caddoan word that means ‘friend’.

Doodlebug: A little friend just passing through.

Me: Well, he’s home now.

Copyright 2024. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Speak Plainer – Part 2 Conversations with the Big Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. They are staring at me, Lady Human, and making their squeaky sounds. I think they don’t like me.

Sweetie: Hey, Parakeets! Nobody understands your teensy little squeaks! What are you talking about?

Me: Here, let’s try this. Here’s a little piece of fresh banana. Look how they’ve calmed down, just by smelling it.

Doodlebug: Oh, me, me, me! A chunk, please.

Sweetie: Don’t leave me out! Mmmm.

MoonCat: I’ll pass, thank you. Seafood will do for me.

Sweetie: Oh, this is great. Now we’re banana buddies with the birds. I still can’t understand them, but at least we share banana breath.

Copyright 2024. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Good Vibrations – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. (Snore)

Sweetie: Why does Doodlebug snore so loud?

MoonCat: A question to which we all want the answer.

Me: Vibrations. He breathes through a narrow place in his nose and throat and the vibrations produce sound.

Sweetie: It’s so loud. I’m glad I don’t do that.

MoonCat: Hah!

Me: Actually you do. And I don’t mind. It means you’re breathing.

Doodlebug: Huh? What? Breathing in and out? Okay. I can do that. Good.

Copyright 2024. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Sky Fans – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Complaint!

Me: What else is new?

Doodlebug: It’s hot, Lady Human.

Me: Yes, I noticed that.

Sweetie: The sky fans aren’t pulling their weight.

Me: The ceiling fans are turned on full blast.

Sweetie: Not good enough!

Doodlebug: We need more sky fans. There! And there! And there! And…

Me: Sorry. There’s no more room for more ceiling fans. We’ll just have to make do.

Sweetie: Make do? Is that another human failure thing?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Why Shouldn’t Bulldogs Have Good Manners? – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Why are you banging your metal bowls around?

Sweetie: Because they are empty.

Me: That’s because you already ate your supper.

Doodlebug: They do make a nice sound when they knock together.

Me: Not at midnight, they don’t. Y’all need better manners.

Doodlebug: Since when?

Sweetie: Yeah, we’re bulldogs. We don’t need no silly manners.

MoonCat: That right there says all you need to know about bulldogs.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hot and Itchy – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I’m hot. And itchy.

Sweetie: Stand in line! Make it stop, Lady Human.

Me: You might as well ask me to stop summertime. Hot and itchy go together. Of course, you could have a bath.

MoonCat: That’s a dirty word, Lady Human!

Doodlebug: For me, too! Water is for drinking.

Sweetie: Let’s see. Hot and itchy? Or bath? Nope. Hot and itchy it is.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Step Aside! – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: And I am Sweetie and no one enters here unless I say so. And I don’t.

Me: Why are you body blocking me?

Sweetie: Because I can.

Me: Excuse me!

Sweetie: Nope.

Me: I need to pass, please.

Sweetie: I don’t think so.

MonnCat: I am so glad that I can just jump over bulldogs.

Me: I need to get over there.

Sweetie: Or what?

Me: Or there won’t be any food in your bowl.

Sweetie: Oh, well, that’s different. I didn’t know you were doing something useful at last. Proceed.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Common Courtesy – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, watch out! How are the humans going to know I am the King if you interrupt me.

Sweetie: How indeed? Move aside! Coming through!

Me: Ow, that’s my foot.

Sweetie: Your foot should be more careful where it puts itself.

MoonCat: I’m just going to put myself in a nice out of the way corner until this is over.

Me: We need to start exercising a little common courtesy around here.

Sweetie: Okay. How little?

Doodlebug: And how common?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Change the Sheets – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Service, please!

Me: Already?

Doodlebug: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. My bed blankets need changing.

Me: I just gave you clean blankets last night.

Doodlebug: Yes, but these smell yucky now.

Sweetie: Yeah, they smell like him.

MoonCat: Need I say more?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Litter Box Privileges – Conversations with MoonCat

Me: MoonCat? What are you doing all the way back here?

MoonCat: Exploring the wonderful bulldog-free mysteries of this palace.

Me: Well, It’s not exactly a palace…

MoonCat: It has rooms, floors, halls, doors, and this lovely litter box cubicle. Of course, it’s a palace. And no bulldogs.

Me: Well, every once in a while they wander in here.

MoonCat: Don’t spoil it for me, Lady Human.

Me: And this is my bathroom, not a litter box cubicle.

MoonCat: You could have fooled me.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Buckets and Mops and Brooms! Oh, My! – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: We are under attack! Man your stations! I mean, Dog your stations!

Me: I have never understood this. This is a bucket. This is a mop. This is a broom. What is the problem?

Doodlebug: We are outnumbered!

Sweetie: Yeah, we can’t count on the cat.

MoonCat: Why should I interfere when those things clean up bulldog dirt?

Doodlebug: And I’m not sure which side Lady Human is on.

Sweetie: Look out! That broom thing has swept up some spilled food! Don’t worry! I’ll save you!

Me: Save food by eating it? Okay, I guess.

Sweetie: Y’all can keep that other crumbly stuff.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we’ll arrange to track more in later.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bribery, Trickery, and Deceit – Conversations with the Pack

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Okay, what are you up to, Lady Human?

Me: Up to? Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: I saw you fooling around with our softie food. You hid something in it, didn’t you?

Me: Would I do that?

Doodlebug: Absolutely!

Sweetie: Yes, without question!

MoonCat: Do I even need to answer that?

Me: Don’t you want this wonderful smelling treat? Mmmm! It’s so good. It’s your favorite!

Sweetie: It does smell good.

Doodlebug: It does look good.

MoonCat: Ask the question, bulldogs. What’s the catch?

Sweetie: Is this a bribe?

Doodlebug: Yeah, you want us to do something we wouldn’t do otherwise.

Sweetie: But it does look good.

Doodlebug: And it does smell good. Oh, all right. Give it here.

Sweetie: Mmmm. Is there any more?

Me: Not right now.

MoonCat: You all sold out cheap.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tight Spaces – Conversations with Sweetie

Me: Sweetie, what do you think you’re doing?

Sweetie: Just trying new things. Look how well I fit in here.

Me: No, you don’t. We’ve talked about this before. There isn’t enough room for you to squeeze your head between that heavy chair and that table. There just isn’t.

Sweetie: Are you calling me fat?

Me: No, I’m calling you what you are. A big-boned bulldog of the English variety, and you can’t fit in any ole tight space you choose.

Sweetie: Watch me! Mmmm…hmmph!

Me: See what I mean?

Sweetie: But if I try hard enough, I should be able to fit anywhere!

Me: Not if it’s physically impossible. And why would you even want to?

Sweetie: It’s a bulldog thing. I’ll just keep trying.

Me: That’s what I was afraid of.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Dissatisfied Customers – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is the meaning of this? I have never been treated so shabbily in my life!

Me: What’s the problem now?

Doodlebug: There is some kind of muck in my food bowl.

Sweetie: Back to a one star review.

Me: We’ve been over this. This is not a hotel or a restaurant.

Sweetie: Good thing. You wouldn’t be in business by sundown.

Me: The “muck” in your bowl is fresh homemade food, made just for y’all.

Doodlebug: I beg your pardon. Our standards are higher than this.

Me: Higher standards? Like when I caught you trying to eat your own…

Sweetie: Don’t bring that up, Lady Human. That’s a painful memory. And a foul smell.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.