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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:  Do you smell that or is it a dream?

Stella:  I smell it. Lady Human?

Me:  Um-hmmm?

Wiggles:  You have eggs.

Me:  Uh-huh.

Wiggles:  Mine.

Stella:  Mine.

Me:  No, I think they’re mine.

Stella:  They? There are more than one? Egg-cellent!

Wiggles:  Why are you tempting us, Lady Human?

Stella:  You brought eggs around us. You knew what would happen. Now all we want to know is: Did you bring enough for everyone?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Stella, please explain to me what Doodlebug is doing.

Stella:  Isn’t that obvious? He is wrestling a tree.

Me:  Doodle, why are you fighting that little tree?

Doodlebug:  It…is…stubborn. It… won’t… give… me… its…leaves.

Me:  How…come…you…need…its…leaves?

Doodlebug:  I…don’t…know.

Me:  Well, you are dogged. I’ll give you that.

Stella:  Oh, he’s dogged. He’s a bulldog.

Me:  Dogged means determined, not giving up.

Stella:  Like I said. Why are you repeating me? Dogged bulldog.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, Lady Human, what is the meaning of this?

Me:  A cracker. Your favorite.

Stella:  Uh, my crackers don’t look like this. This one is ragged on one side and about half the size.

Me:  Well, I broke it in half so you and Wiggles could both have at least some. I was running a little low on crackers.

Stella:  And how did that happen? What about human planning?

Me:  Human planning ran a little short this time, too.

Stella:  So, you decided to be…what is that word?

Me:  Chinchy. Stingy. Miserly.

Stella:  How many words do you humans have for shorting a bulldog on her crackers?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you sound funny.

Me:  Allergies. Uh. Drainage.

Stella:  Why?

Me:  Not really a choice.

Stella:  I’m glad bulldogs don’t sound like that.

Me:  With all the snoring and snorting and grunting…

Stella:  I don’t snore. I have never heard myself snore one time. And I certainly don’t snort or grunt. When are you going to stop making those noises?

Me:  As soon as possible.

Stella:  Oh, all right. So long as it is before my bedtime. Can’t have no human snoring, snorting, grunting, sniffing or sneezing waking me up.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Hey, I notice that you stop and sniff the ground every place that someone else has been.

Stella:  Yes. The daily news.

Me:  Hah, like a newspaper.

Stella:  How else am I going to know how everyone is?

Me:  But you are inside with them all the time.

Stella:  Not the same. I am sure you humans do likewise.

Me:  No, we don’t. Thankfully.

Stella:  How can you avoid the daily news in those tiny little rooms.

Me:  Our noses aren’t like yours. We talk to each other or read to get our news.

Stella:  Highly inaccurate and not very scientific.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:  And apparently, I am not though I should be.

Me:  Okay, up and at ‘em.

Stella:  Up? Why?

Wiggles:  At ‘em? At who? I don’t get up for just anybody.

Me:  Y’all are becoming lay-a-beds. Sleep all night. Sleep all day.

Stella:  Lay-a-bed. Sounds nice. Suits me fine.

Wiggles:  Yeah, me, too. Sign me up.

Me:  Oh, come on! You’ll get a bad reputation for laziness.

Stella:  Too late.

Wiggles:  Guilty.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and…CUT IT OUT, WIGGLES!

Wiggles:  HOW DARE YOU!

Stella:  ME? HOW DARE YOU!

Me:  How dare either one of you! Stella, face that way! Wiggles, you turn that other way! Now what started this?

Stella: She looked at me in my eyes. Nobody looks at me in my eyes!

Me:  I do.

Stella:  Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I’ll let it go for now.

Me:  Wiggles, what started it?

Wiggles: She looked at me in my eyes. I’ll put up with a lot, but I won’t tolerate that!

Me:  Oh, my word. “She looked at me.” “And she looked at me.” Are you kidding me? As long as the two of you have known each other, that is still a problem?

Wiggles:  Not if she keeps her eyes to herself.

Stella:  I’m good looking, but I won’t stand for no staring.

Me:  You know what this means? I have to hang a curtain between the two of you at night so there won’t be any staring.

Wiggles:  Sounds good.

Stella:  Yeah, that’ll work. Good night, Wiggles.

Wiggles:  Good night, Stella.

Copyright 2021 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen and Sheriff of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  You mean that sheriff thing I was joking about is official now?

Stella:  Never turn down a chance to enhance your standing in the community.

Me:  The bulldog community.

Stella:  Is there any other?

Me:  Well, as a matter of fact…

Stella:  Something weird is on the patio.

Me:  You sure noticed that in a hurry.

Stella:  I am the Sheriff. I stuck my stubby nose into the air and scented a new smell. My nose led me to a grand total of two new round things.

Me:  Pots for plants. I planted some dill and flowering chives in them today.

Stella:  I thought so.

Me:  You can tell what I planted just by the scent?

Stella:  No, how would I be able to do that? I’m a bulldog. Now if you go to a place for barbeque, THAT I can tell.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There’s a stranger around. I scented that outside.

Me:  A coyote.

Stella:  Really?

Me:  Yeah. He was sitting out in the open in the middle of the afternoon. We think he may be sick, but nobody saw where he got off to.

Stella:  What will happen to him?

Me:  I am praying for the Great Creator to take him if he is sick. That would be best for him and everybody else.

Stella:  Are we safe?

Me:  Our fences are secure and their high enough that a coyote should not be able to scale them. Still and all…

Stella:  I know. Don’t talk to any strangers.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It has returned! Yay!

Me:  What?

Stella:  The cold air box!

Me:  Oh, yeah, well, I thought we could use a bit of cold air. Fans are fine, but sometimes we just need some A/C.

Stella:  So, when all that cold, and ice, and snow came for all those days, you just packed a bunch of it up in that little box and kept it for when it would be hot again. That’s very smart. Almost bulldog smart. I knew humans had it in them.

Me:  That’s not really how this works. This works off electricity and the compressor chills the air and blows it out in here.

Stella:  You mean you all wasted all that cold air from the monster storm.

Me:  There’s not really anyway to save it.

Stella:  For shame, Lady Human! We could have used that cold air now.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Okay, you’re going to have to move now.

Stella:  Nope.

Me:  Yep.

Stella: Nope.

Me:  I’m not giving up.

Stella:  I taught you that.

Me:  And I’ve learned well. Now move. I’m not giving up.

Stella:  I’m not giving up.

Me:  Can we negotiate this?

Stella:  What is negotiate?

Me:  I’ll offer you something you want in exchange for what I want.

Stella:  What do I want? Hmmm. I know. I want to stay right here in this spot. Hey, that negotiate stuff is fun. Now you go find what you want, Lady Human.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why were you talking to your little black box for so long?

Me:  I was making small talk with a friend.

Stella:  Does small talk mean nonsense? ‘Cause that’s what it sounded like to me.

Me:  Small talk is just talking about day-to-day stuff.

Stella:  Bulldogs don’t fool with small talk. We have big mouths for a reason. Small talk would just fall out between our teeth.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hurry, Lady Human! Stella to the rescue! A bulldog is screaming from down the hall!

Me:  Nope. Not screaming and not a bulldog. It’s delighted screeching and…

Stella:  It’s the little human! Yay! But why is she screeching like a bulldog?

Me:  Bulldogs don’t screech. You all grunt and moan and ruffle your lips and bark and howl, but I’ve never heard a single one of you screech.

Stella: I beg to differ. I should know what sounds bulldogs make. And I say that the little human is so loud a screecher that she makes an admirable bulldog.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. A little help here, Lady Human!

Me:  What do you need?

Stella:  I am here, and I need to get in there. Why do humans make things so difficult?

Me:  Doors are reasonable barriers.

Stella:  Doors are fine. It’s the doorknobs I object to. I don’t have those very convenient longs fingers you have.

Me:  I’m honestly glad you were not so equipped. We’d have all sorts of knobs being turned around here if you all had hands. 

Stella: A bulldog can dream.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Time to come in! Rain is on its way!

Wiggles: I’m not sure about that.

Me: Well then, come in because I say so.

Stella: What will you give us?

Me:  A dry place inside.

Miss Sweetie:  What about me? I’m already inside.

Doodlebug:  Yeah, I’ve already got a dry place. I want more.

Me:  Why do I have to bribe you to do what you ought to do?

Stella:  Don’t call it ‘bribery’. Call it a bulldog incentive.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I smell good. Sweetie, on the other hand…

Miss Sweetie:  My nose works fine. It’s just stubby, that’s all.

Stella:  I don’t mean how your nose works. I mean you stink.

Miss Sweetie:  Awwww.

Me:  Don’t worry, Sweetie. You smell like a classic wet dog.

Miss Sweetie:  I couldn’t help it, Lady Human.  The rain and the water were everywhere outside, and my feet and my tummy got wet…

Me:  It’s all right, girl. You’ll dry out.

Stella:  Meanwhile, “Wet Dog” is the only bulldog perfume we’ll be wearing in here.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you hiding?

Me: I’m not hiding anything.

Stella:  I smell crackers. Cheese. And peanut butter. Yep. Crackers.

Me: I think you’re scenting a memory.

Stella:  Show me your hands, ma’am.

Me:  Like I’m a cheating faro dealer in the Old West?

Stella:  If a faro dealer cheated by hiding crackers, yup..

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Move over, please.

Stella:  Nope. Can’t do it.

Me:  Stella, come on.

Stella:  Nope. My body is in a nice rut in the bed and the blanket is perfectly positioned under my body. I am set.

Me:  Well, I’m not and I would like to be so roll over.

Stella:  Just find yourself a spot and scrunch up…hey, what’s happening?

Me:  The vet said you have gained two pounds since last time. And boy, am I feeling it. You’re like a giant log, a huge boulder, a gigantic…

Stella:  Are you calling me fat? Why, thank you!

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Humaaannn!  Sweetie is sitting in rainwater! She is making a messss!

Me:  Sweetie, isn’t it a little cool for an outdoor bath?

Miss Sweetie:  Nope.

Stella:  It’s rainwater, Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:  Yep. It fell from the sky and filled my puppy pool because the Great Creator wanted me to take a bath. He enjoys clean dogs.

Me:  I don’t doubt that. But is cold rainwater all that comfortable to sit in?

Miss Sweetie:  I have a hot body, so I warm it up pretty quick. How do I smell now?

Stella:  Like a wet dog. And that is the honest opinion of a dog.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.