I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Yes?
Sweetie: Treats.
Me: You still have food in your bowl.
Sweetie: Yes, but…
Me: But what?
Sweetie: Treats.
Doodlebug: Now she’s got me thinking about them. Lady Human?
Me: Yes?
Doodlebug: Treats.
MoonCat: Now we know the topic for the day.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you hiding behind your back?
Me: Nothing important.
Doodlebug: I see it. Nail clippers! Run!
Me: Wait, y’all! How about I just clip one toenail each day?
Sweetie: One toenail too many! All we want is for our precious feet to be left alone!
Doodlebug: You know what she will do? She’ll wait until we’re asleep and then she’ll sneak up on us with her sneaky clippers.
MoonCat: Solution? Sleep with feet tucked under and one eye open.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Your treats are almost here. And mine, too. 4 stops away.
Sweetie: Why are they stopping?
Me: They have other deliveries to make.
Doodlebug: Before us? Not fair!
Sweetie: Let’s run outside and get there first!
Me: And terrify the delivery person with a running bulldog charge? No way.
MoonCat: No one is terrified by a charging sleek, beautiful, charming, graceful, treat-loving feline. I will be happy to greet the treats at the door.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Run, run, run, but keep breathing!”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you need to put more food in my bowl.
Me: How much more?
Sweetie: Ten more kibble pieces.
Me: That’s very precise. Why ten?
Sweetie: That’s the perfect number. Please don’t skimp.
Doodlebug: And squirt another mouthful of water in my bowl.
Me: Your water bowl is almost brimfull.
Doodlebug: It doesn’t slosh quite right.
Sweetie: And it needs to be 4° warmer in the house.
Doodlebug: It needs to be 3 degrees cooler.
Me: You don’t even know what a degree is.
MoonCat: Ignore them, Lady Human. Everything is just right. Except my pillow could be 2 inches higher and my tunafish snack should really be salmon this time of day.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay, before y’all take those toys outside, let me give you a piece of advice.
Sweetie: A piece of advice? Why not give us the whole thing? Does advice taste good?
Doodlebug: Yeah. Give us the whole thing. If it’s good tasting, I don’t want just a little piece.
Sweetie: Wait. Is the advice old? I may not want it. How big is the piece?
MoonCat: Lady Human, are you sure there’s enough advice to go around? We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, someone has left a big stick leaning against the door. May I play with it?
Me: No, that stick is not a toy. It’s meant to keep the door shut against the outside world.
Sweetie: Mean ole outside world! Stay outside! Wait. What does “outside world” mean?
Me: All that area beyond the door. All that you see when we ride in the car. Like the park and the highway and…
Doodlebug: The vet.
Sweetie: Yikes! Stay outside, you outside world vet!
MoonCat: And I will stay comfortably inside the barred door.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have an idea!
Me: Uh-oh.
Sweetie: No. Not an uh-oh idea. A good idea.
Doodlebug: Okay, I’ll bite. What is it? Not that one where we climb the tall fence and chase the stinky truck.
Sweetie: But there’s all those wonderful smells coming from it!
Doodlebug: Nope. Not happening.
Me: Nope. Bad idea.
MoonCat: Not all ideas are worth pursuing. Especially not stinky ones on wheels.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, Roo-Roo the Rooster is showing off again. I’m throwing a piece of my mind at him.
Me: Don’t throw too much.
Roo-Roo: Cockadoodle Doooo!
Sweetie: Cockadoodle Ruff Ruff right back at you! I win!
Doodlebug: That’s not even good nonsense.
MoonCat: Good nonsense. Sounds like something a bulldog would know all about.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, the snow left. It marched off into the night.
Me: It kind of melted more than marched.
Sweetie: And after all that drama, what did it leave us? MUD, that’s what.
Me: It did water the earth. And it was beautiful to look at.
Sweetie: MUD! WONDERFUL, MESSY, STOMPABLE MUD! PLAYTIME!
MoonCat: Where is the nice, clean snow when you need it? Pull out all the foot mats, Lady Human. It’s a muddy bulldog world.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
‘Everything has an edge.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We are still working on relaxing.
Dooedlebug: Things to do to relax: Stretch out as far as you can, legs, neck, ears and tongue. Especially the tongue. Nothing says relaxed like a floppy bulldog tongue.
Sweetie: Don’t forget to yawn. Then immediately take a nap. You are a bulldog, not a working breed. Use that.
MoonCat: Don’t ever let it be said that bulldogs can’t come up with a plan that involves no work. Relax, everyone.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We have decided to relax more. Here are some things we will avoid.
Doodlebug: We do not listen to humans all the time. They do not know what they are talking about and they use words that do not mean what they say. Who needs that?
Sweetie: We try to stay away from human rolling boxes. They move way too fast and usually go to the vet’s office. No fun at all.
Doodlebug: We will continue to ignore clothing, boots, and hats that the humans try to put on us because they think they are cute. Especially hats. No one needs fuzzy bouncy balls attached to their head.
MoonCat: I will relax more by ignoring lists of what bulldogs do to relax more.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard you tell somebody to bite their tongue. That’s not a good idea. That would hurt.
Me: I didn’t mean to literally bite their tongue.
Doodlebug: Oh. Oh. I know! That was a human expression. Words that don’t mean what they say.
Me: Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kind of …
MoonCat: Stupid? Don’t say it, Lady Human. Bite your tongue.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Something is cold.
Sweetie: How did you guess? My nose is cold. So is Doodlebug’s. Warm them up.
Me: You mean like with a sweater or a boot? That wouldn’t really work, would it? How about sticking them under your paws?
Sweetie: Cold noses under cold paws? Really?
MoonCat: How about under a blanket? Unless bulldog noses are just too stubborn and refuse to stay warm.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you never go outside without foot coverings, even when there is no snow or ice.
Me: True.
Sweetie: So where are our foot coverings? Not fair!
Me: I thought that might come up, so I dug your doggy boots out.
Doodlebug: Oh, no! Not those! They are like hard heavy sweaters, only for feet. I kicked them off before. I’ll do it again.
Sweetie: I don’t like the way they look.
MoonCat: They are not a fashion statement. Neither are frostbitten toes.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human.
Me: Yes?
Sweetie: Cold.
Me: Yes.
Sweetie: Do one of those human things to make it better.
Me: Well, we have the heater running. You all have extra blankets. The only other thing I can think of is for me to pull out the…
Sweetie and Doodlebug: NO! NO SWEATERS! NO SWEATERS! NO SWEATERS!
MoonCat: Must not be that cold then.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Don’t stand in one place too long. And wear a real hat.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Cleanup! Outside! Better bring a mop and a great big bucket.
Me: You mean all that cold white stuff on top of everything? Not my circus, not my ice monkeys.
Sweetie: Now that’s not very helpful of you, ma’am. Do you want our precious little paws to get frosty? It sounds to me like laziness.
MoonCat: It sounds to me like it’s a good thing I’m a housecat.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay. Not much in the way of outdoor activities today. Winter is rolling in big time.
Sweetie: Winter? But why? We were doing fine without it.
Me: Just part of the cycle. Remember, for the rest of the day, the outdoor facilities may feel pretty cold.
Doodlebug: How inconvenient! Is there going to be that cold white stuff, too?
Me: They say so.
Sweetie: Well, just who are they? I’d like to have a serious little talk with them.
MoonCat: I have no problem with winter. My facilities are always open.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 