I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay, Queen Stella, since you are the queen, you can tell me where Wiggles is.
Stella: What do I look like? One of those energetic creatures who run circles around sheep?
Me: A Border Collie?
Me: A Corgi?
Me: A Sheepdog?
Me: A shepherd?
Stella: That’s the one! I am a bulldog. What part of Non-Working Group do you not understand?
Me: I’m not asking you to ride herd on the pack. I just wanted to know where Wiggles got off to.
Stella: One wild guess.
Me: Oh, great! Wiggles!
Stella: Run faster, Lady Human!
Me: Oh, no! Look at the mess!
Stella: You see, Lady Human, you knew where to find her all along if you had just given it a second thought. Have trash? Will find Wiggles.
Me: What did you eat, Wiggles?
Wiggles: Well, there was my favorite. Left-over eggs licked fresh right out of the egg shells. And an empty container that smelled like barbequed brisket but that was just a trick because there wasn’t any brisket in it, just the smell which was still delicious and tempting but not very filling…
Me: At least you didn’t eat the container.
Wiggles: No, but I licked all the good smell out of it.
Me: The bag was not hung up high enough to deter you.
Wiggles: Lady Human, I told you before. Trash diving is my hobby. Why would you keep me from my hobby? It is an old and honored pursuit of dogs everywhere. To ask me to stop trash diving is like asking me to stop being me. In fact, I’m really a treasure hunter.
Stella: In that case, during your dives, start looking around for a crown for me. Because I still don’t have a crown. That’s why I’m not taken seriously as a queen.
Me: You’re not going to find a crown in the trash.
Stella: How do you know? Anyone who would throw away containers that smell like brisket would throw away a crown.
Copyright 2018 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.