Hello! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, here to pass along a warning to all humans who need to eat food.
(Transcriptionist: That would be every human, just as it would be every dog.)
Once again, my transcriptionist has interrupted my blog. How would one of your human Big Barkers on television feel about that, if you interrupted them as much as you interrupt me?
(Transcriptionist: Maybe some Big Barkers on television should be interrupted. It might help them think things through before they bark.)
I will be happy to do that for them sometime, but right now I want to blog. As I was saying before I was interrupted, food is important to all of us and you must warned against leaving your food unguarded. Tiger, Wiggles, and Snoopey will steal it if given half a chance.
(Transcriptionist: Now I must interrupt. The only place that Tiger, Wiggles, or Snoopey would even have the opportunity to steal food is in our house or yard. No one else is in danger of losing anything to them.)
What if they go walking with you or Tall Man? What if a visitor comes in with a big bread and meat chunk in his hand?
(Transcriptionist: A sandwich?)
Is that the thing with delicious meat hiding between two bread pieces that sometimes has grass and slimy but mouth-watering yellow and red goop on the meat and the humans carry it in their hands and shove it into their mouths without sharing?
(Transcriptionist: Not grass – lettuce. Not yellow and red goop – mustard and ketchup. Yes, that is a sandwich and we do not have to share. Some of that stuff may not even be good for a dog.)
I shall be the judge of that.
My warning stands. If you see Tiger, Wiggles, or Snoopey anywhere near your food, humans, HIDE IT FROM THEM IMMEDIATELY! They will snatch it whether you are looking or not. They will not ask permission. Suddenly, it will just be gone and all you will see is lip-licking. Then it will be too late, and you will be sorry that your delicious food ended up in their mouths. They may not say “thank you” either. That is just how rude they are.
(Transcriptionist: Have you ever snatched human food?
Mwahhh. I respect human plates. But remember the time that you had your plate on your lap and Snoopey ran and jumped on you and knocked it off and it went all over the floor! That was so funny… rude but funny… okay, just rude. The next time that happens, you can let me clean it up for you. It would be my pleasure.
Farewell, humans. Thank you for your kind attention to this public service announcement.
Signed, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges
Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.