Don’t Call Yourself ‘Stupid’! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill


I am Stella. I am an Olde English Bulldogge. I am their Queen.

Me:        Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

Stella:    And I am not stupid.

Me:        No! Me! Me! Me!

Stella:    Apparently, Lady Human has done or said something that now displeases her, that she now considers to be a mistake. I only have a bulldog’s brain, but I understand this every time she yells at herself.

Me:        Dumb! Dumb! Dumb!

Stella:    Why are you scolding yourself, Lady Human?

Me:        Oh, you wouldn’t understand.

Stella:    So now you are calling me stupid?

Me:        No. Just stupid ole me.

Stella:    Now hear this!

Me:        Ow! That hurt my ears!

Stella:    I have to be loud to get you to hear me! Don’t call yourself ‘stupid’! You listen to your own voice more than to any other. You are not stupid. A stupid person would not love bulldogs. A stupid human would not feed us and water us and play with us and talk to us. When you lie to yourself, calling yourself that word, you start to believe it and that is bad for you. And I love you and I don’t want anything bad for you. So SHUT UP!

Me:        Stella, that was rude! And kind. Thank you.

Stella:    Don’t mention it.

Me:        I appreciate…

Stella:    No, I mean it. Don’t mention it. SHUT UP. STOP TALKING. NAP TIME.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Stop Staring At Me! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Illustrious Queen (yes, I said it again!) of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human and I are on an errand, a wonderful, wonderful errand to the feed store. Why? I’m glad you asked. We are going to pick up bulldog food. FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-FOOD! That’s a song that I just now made up.

Me:        Probably not.

Stella:    Yes, I did. I heard it on the car music box and they had the words all wrong. Except for the fah-lah-lah part. That was all right.

Me:        Please remember to be polite in the feed store. If any other dogs are in there, they are not your business. No bulldog leash tugging.

Stella:    I’ll be polite if they are polite. I am not putting up with rude.

Me:        Ignoring rudeness is not putting up with it. Ignoring rudeness is putting rudeness in its place. It’s nothing and other people’s rudeness isn’t your business.

Stella:    Stop staring at me!

Me:        I’m not staring at you.

Stella:    Not you. Those people in that car parked next to us. How rude! This is not a zoo! I am not an exhibit!

Me:        They are smiling at you.

Stella:    And look at that. They’re pointing at me! How would they like it if I pointed my stubby little toes at them? What? Now they are waving at me! Stop invading my space!

Me:        They like you. They think you are cute.

Stella:    Cute? How undignified! I am a queen!

Me:        You could still wave or smile. Real queens do.

Stella:    What do you mean ‘real queens’? Hmmpphh! Well, maybe one small…oh, look, they’re gone. Good. It’s about time.

“Love is not rude…” [I Corinthians 13:5 KJV]

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

No Accounting for Human Taste – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Once again, I am Stella, Queen Illustrious of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        You aren’t “once again” Stella. You are always Stella. It’s not like you stopped being Stella and then became Stella again.

Stella:    Why are you being so picky?

Me:        I am not being picky.

Stella:    Then you are being snappy. Why?

Me:        I am not being snappy.

Stella:    I am a bulldog. I know picky and snappy when I hear it. Do you need a nap? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have missed one of my 14 daily naps.

Me:        I don’t need a nap.

Stella:    Did you eat breakfast? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped breakfast.

Me:        I did not skip breakfast.

Stella:    How about lunch? Did you miss that? When I am picky and snappy, it is usually because I have skipped lunch.

Me:        I did not miss lunch! Leave me alone!

Stella:    Now that was just plain rude. Are your feet itchy? When I am picky and snappy and rude, it is usually because my feet are itchy. Here! Let me lick them the way I lick mine. It helps.

Me:        No, my feet are not itchy. Please don’t lick them!

Stella:    Picky, snappy, and rude, but not sleepy or hungry or itchy. I give up.

Me:        I’m sorry, Stella. I have misplaced something and it has me frustrated.

Stella:    Did you misplace a bulldog?

Me:        No, nothing so important as that.

Stella:    Good, because I just counted and we are all here and if you had misplaced a bulldog, that would mean you had a secret bulldog we did not know about.

Me:        In fact, what I have misplaced is of no real importance at all and yet I am all wound up about it. I keep looking in all the places it could be, checking and rechecking.

Stella:    What is it? The other bulldogs and I can search for it, especially if it smells bad.

Me:        It doesn’t and it’s not important.

Stella:    We want to help. What is it?

Me:        Just a paper bookmark.

Stella:    That’s easy. What does it look like?

Me:        It has some colorful drawings on it. It’s no big deal. I’ll come across it eventually.

Stella:    Drawings of what?

Me:        Just forget it.

Stella:    Drawings of what? No… not SQUIRRELS!

Me:        No, not squirrels.

Stella:    Whew!

Me:        Cats.

Stella:    Mwaaah! What? Eeewww! Better off lost! Why cats? Who wants pictures of cats? I can’t believe it. Why not dogs?

Me:        They didn’t have any of dogs. They were sold out.

Stella:    Of course, they were. Everyone wants dogs. Well, offer of help is hereby withdrawn. As for your cat bookmark, I hope you don’t find it.

Me:        Now who’s being rude.

Stella:    All I can say is that, if I find it first, I will let you know what colorful paper cats taste like! DOGS FOREVER! No, Lady Human, don’t look sad. I love you despite your bad taste. I won’t chew up your ugly cat bookmark. My bulldog slobber all over it will be enough.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.