I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Can y’all pull back on the super doggy slurping a little?
Sweetie: No way, Lady Human. To slurp is to enjoy life.
Doodlebug: If you’ve got a big mouth, use it.
MoonCat: Or not, as the case may be.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What happened, Lady Human? No big kabooms last night.
Doodlebug: Yeah, it really was Silent Night. Except for big rolling boxes. And random gunfire.
Me: Okaaay. As I said, the fireworks people shot their wad the night before last.
Sweetie: And didn’t save any for the big day? How stingy!
Me: Y’all didn’t like the noise anyway. And maybe they saved some money to buy treats for their animals.
Sweetie: Oh, well, that’s alright then.
Doodlebug: Yeah, animal treats instead of…
MoonCat: …making big kaboom holes in the sky?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, haven’t the humans been singing about a silent night? I don’t think they meant it.
Me: Massive fireworks after midnight is not my idea of a peaceful Christmas celebration.
Doodlebug: Will we have a silent night tonight?
Me: Maybe. If they’ve shot their wad.
Sweetie: I thought you said they shot fireworks.
MoonCat: Yawn. Happy Silent Night to all.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: It’s that time, Lady Human. That special day.
Doodlebug: Say it out loud together!
Sweetie and Doodlebug: TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME NOW! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME! TREAT TIME NOW!
Me: But that’s not all this day is about, is it? It would still be a special day without the treats.
Sweetie: Let’s not be ridiculous, Lady Human.
MoonCat: Regrettably, I must agree with the bulldogs on this one. Yet another reason it’s a special day.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We’ve brought you a present, Lady Human.
Doodlebug: The humans are giving presents, so we will, too.
Me: Thank y’all so much. I see it’s a…bone.
Sweetie: Not just any bone.
Doodlebug: A gnawing bone.
Sweetie: The best kind of bone.
Doodlebug: For gnawing.
MoonCat: Perfect for those bulldoggy times when nothing else will suffice.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come you talked into your little hand box so long last night?
Doodlebug: Yeah, you talked and talked. I thought we would never enjoy silence again.
Me: I was chewing the fat with a friend of mine.
Sweetie: Chewing?
Doodlebug: Fat?
Sweetie: Where’s ours? I love fat chewing.
Me: That’s just an expression for talking…
Doodlebug: Another human expression that does not mean what it says.
Sweetie: Teasing us with the dream of chewing fat.
MoonCat: I don’t mind chewing the fat. Just make it short and lean.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Watch out what you climb atop. Not everybody fits every place.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, when I told you to give my treats to the cat, you didn’t believe me, did you?
Me: But you said.
Sweetie: What’s that human word when somebody runs too quickly and slides into a garbage can?
Me: Hasty?
Sweetie: Well, that was me. I take it back.
Me: No problem. Treats were delayed. They’re not here yet anyway.
Sweetie: BUT THEY SAID!
Me: So did you.
Sweetie: But I crossed my paws.
MoonCat: I said bulldogs were dumb. I take that back. For the moment.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the treats aren’t here.
Me: Nope. Not yet.
Sweetie: But they said they would be here!
Me: Yeah, that’s what they said.
Sweetie: But they’re not here and they said!
Doodlebug: I got my hopes all up. If they didn’t mean it, they shouldn’t have said it.
Sweetie: Nobody should say what they don’t mean! Fine! When the treats come, give mine to the cat.
MoonCat: That’s what I said.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why do humans sit by their empty bowls for so long?
Sweetie: Yeah. The food is gone and you all just sit and sit and sit…
Me: We like to talk around the table sometimes.
Sweetie: …and sit and sit…
Me: We did stay at the table quite a while, I’ll admit. People like to visit over meals.
Doodlebug: Aren’t you afraid someone will lick your empty bowl?
MoonCat: Unlike bulldogs, humans have better manners than that.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, it’s different today.
Me: Well, every day is, isn’t it?
Sweetie: Now the air is almost warm.
Doodlebug: Yeah, it was cold and then warm, and cold, and then warm. The sky is confused.
Sweetie: Yeah, pick something and stick with it.
MoonCat: The earth is not a restaurant and the sky is not a menu. Hey, Bulldogs, it’s not the sky that’s confused.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Look, Lady Human! On the Big Picture Box! Lots of humans acting crazy. Like humans.
Me: No, they’re just dancing.
Doodlebug: It looks like they’re stomping on bugs. Must be a lot of bugs in that place.
Sweetie: They seem to be having a good time. Stomp those bugs! Stomp those bugs!
MoonCat: Nobody understands good foot stomping like a bulldog, unless it’s a bunch of humans stomping on bugs and calling it dancing.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Of all the harebrained schemes I’ve ever heard of, this takes the cake!
Sweetie: Lady Human, you are upset. Hair-brained? You mean there’s hair in our brains? Yuck! Now I’m upset!
Me: No, ‘hare’ as in a jackrabbit. I don’t guess you’ve ever seen one. To call something ‘harebrained’ means it’s foolish.
Doodlebug: Did you mention cake? I heard you say ‘cake’. Is that the prize for being a jackrabbit? I’ll be harebrained then.
MoonCat: Is there a prize for ignoring harebrained comments?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, if you have a nose, use it.
Me: Sound advice.
Doodlebug: Don’t overuse it.
Me: Where do you draw the line?
MoonCat: I draw the line at taking advice from bulldogs.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: How come those humans down the road were so loud last night?
Me: I don’t know.
Sweetie: Aren’t you going to go sniff around and find out?
Me: Nope. Not my business.
Sweetie: Why not stick your nose in anyway?
Me: My nose sticks out way further than a bulldog’s. I don’t want it to get bitten off.
MoonCat: Truer words were never spoken.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Y’all sure are orderly today. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had learned to march in time.
Sweetie: Step one. Step two. Step three. Step four. Look. We aren’t even stepping on each other’s feet. Uh-oh.
Doodlebug: Ouch!
Me: Ow! Well, that didn’t last long.
Sweetie: See if MoonCat can do any better.
MoonCat: Ask a cat to march? Preposterous. Never heard of such a thing. Not gonna happen.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay. Scheduled outdoor time. Let’s go.
Sweetie: Then what?
Me: Let’s see. Naptime for y’all. Then lunchtime for all of us. Then outside again. Then another nap probably. Then…
Doodlebug: So the same ole same ole. I heard a human say that. Funny!
Sweetie: We do the same day over and over and over again. Why aren’t we bored?
MoonCat: Breakfast, lunch, dinner, naps, snacks, shelter, long sleeps, playtime…If that’s boredom, I’m in. Keep it coming.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, may I have the stinky leftover food you still have in the cold box from Big Food Day?
Doodlebug: Hey, share!
Me: We do not have any stinky leftovers in the refrigerator.
Sweetie: Then how come I can smell them?
Me: You’re scenting some strong spices we don’t often use.
Sweetie: Smells good enough to be garbage, in my humble bulldog opinion.
MoonCat: When was there ever an humble bulldog? Better safe than sorry though. Where are my noseplugs?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
‘Tromping over and over on the same ground will get your feet muddy.”
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Hey, y’all, I need my bed back.
Sweetie: You’ve got a whole side all to yourself.
Doodlebug: Yeah, we don’t encroach.
Sweetie: Of course, we could share with someone else. MoonCat?
MoonCat: My bed only has one side. MINE!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 