I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Oooo, smell that, Lady Human.
Me: Smell what? I don’t smell anything.
Sweetie: You need a bigger nose.
Me: My nose is plenty big.
Sweetie: Can you smell the chicken poop outside right now?
Me: Thankfully, no.
Doodlebug: A big nose like ours would solve that problem.
MoonCat: That’s a problem? I’ll stick with my little nose, thank you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, do you smell?
Me: You mean do I stink?
Sweetie: Well, of course you stink. You’re a human. No, I mean can you smell stuff?
Me: Yeah, but not a fraction as well as y’all can.
Doodlebug: Can you smell when somebody you know has passed by a spot?
Me: Only if they’re wearing perfume. Or, well, doing something else.
Sweetie: Can you scent when someone is in a bad mood and you should stay away?
Me: No, but I sure wish I could.
MoonCat: Can you scent when the air is stale because bulldogs have been opening their wide mouths too much, polluting the air? I sure can.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a very limited notion of what bulldogs’ noses are good for.
Me: They’re not good stick holders. I know that.
Sweetie: But they scent a whole bunch more than human noses can. Like ka-billions and ka-billions times more.
Me: I don’t know what a “ka-billion” is, but yes, a whole lot more than humans.
Doodlebug: It was all part of the Great Creator’s plan.
Sweetie: Yes, He wanted us to rule the world with our noses.
Me: No, I’m for sure and certain it wasn’t for that.
MoonCat: In the great list of superpowers, I don’t see bulldog noses even near the top of the list.
©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has another in her endless list of questions about dog behavior. I am sure it is not important, but I humor her because…you know… treats.
Me: Is that all I’m good for?
Stella: No. No. No. Yes. No.
Me: I get it.
Stella: I love you, Lady Human. And I love treats. And I love food. So…what’s your question?
Me: Snoopey spent the longest time this afternoon circling around before she…
Stella: Just say it. We all know what it is.
Me: Before she…
Stella: POOPED! No big deal. We all do it.
Me: Okay. She circled and circled and circled and made figure 8’s and squares before she finally settled on a spot to…
Stella: Say it!
Me: Poop.
Stella: Sounds pretty normal to me. What’s the problem?
Me: All the places she circled looked the same to me. I don’t understand what she was looking for.
Stella: Not looking for. SMELLING FOR.
Me: Okay. What was she smelling for?
Stella: Ask her.
Me: Don’t all dogs understand other dogs?
Stella: In general, yes. In specifics, no.
Me: Help me. I want to understand.
Stella: She could have been scenting one of the other dogs and she didn’t want a used place. She could have been scenting the grass or the leaves and nothing smelled right. She could have been scenting for one of her own old places and somebody else had come by and used it and messed it up. Maybe she is just confused. Maybe she is too particular. Maybe she…
Me: Okay. I get it. It could have been anything.
Stella: Yeah, but it wasn’t. The tall spring plants out in the yard freak her out. They weren’t there last year or the year before and she thinks that they are giants and that they will trap her.
Me: Really?
Stella: Yeah. Actually, none of us like them, though I tolerate them because they tickle my belly.
Me: Really.
Stella: Yes, they make me giggle. Ask yourself, Lady Human, if tall green plants were growing in your bathroom spot all of a sudden, wouldn’t you circle around until you found a less tickly spot?
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 