Wailing Skies – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

May 28, 2024, 6:05 a.m.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The sky is wailing, Lady Human. Please tell it to shut up.

Me: That’s the Tornado Warning.

Sweetie: So this is another human mess.

Me: Well, the siren is human, but no, we did not invent tornadoes.

Doodlebug: Don’t they know some of us are trying to sleep?

MoonCat: They don’t care about such things. Interruptions are their forte.

Me: Nobody is supposed to sleep just now. That siren says they have detected a hook cloud in the county. That means nearby.

Sweetie: Does this mean an early breakfast?

Me: It can. Is that why you came to get me?

Sweetie: No, I came to get you because I love you. And I wanted to visit with you. And to see if I could get an early breakfast.

BOOM!

Sweetie: Oh, Lady Humaaannn. The patio door’s open.

Me: Oh, great! The wind blew it open! The latch can’t hold it. I’ll have to.

Doodlebug: If the door’s open, we can all go outside to pee.

Me: Nobody is going outside to do anything. We are hunkering down. Except for me. I’m holding the door closed. Yay.

MoonCat: Consider me hunkered down. Y’all sleep tight.

Doodlebug: How long will this go on?

Me: Until the storm passes.

Sweetie: Who turned off the lights? How am I supposed to see my breakfast…when it eventually gets here?

Me: Power’s off. And now we’ve lost the phone and the internet, too.

Doodlebug: Point me in the right direction. I’ll go sniff ’em out.

Me: Sorry, Doodle. It don’t work that way.

Sweetie: The door is pushing you, Lady Human! Bulldog it! You’re plenty big enough!

Me: At least the steel gate is holding. That’s working.

Sweetie: Nothing else around here seems to be. Okay, time for early breakfast!

Me: Sorry, girl. You’ll have to wait until I can let go of the door.

Sweetie: See, Doodle! Keeping the wind and rain out of the house is more important to humans than breakfast. They have their priorities all wrong.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Change the Sheets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Service, please!

Me: Already?

Doodlebug: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. My bed blankets need changing.

Me: I just gave you clean blankets last night.

Doodlebug: Yes, but these smell yucky now.

Sweetie: Yeah, they smell like him.

MoonCat: Need I say more?

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Litter Box Privileges – Conversations with MoonCat

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: MoonCat? What are you doing all the way back here?

MoonCat: Exploring the wonderful bulldog-free mysteries of this palace.

Me: Well, It’s not exactly a palace…

MoonCat: It has rooms, floors, halls, doors, and this lovely litter box cubicle. Of course, it’s a palace. And no bulldogs.

Me: Well, every once in a while they wander in here.

MoonCat: Don’t spoil it for me, Lady Human.

Me: And this is my bathroom, not a litter box cubicle.

MoonCat: You could have fooled me.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Buckets and Mops and Brooms! Oh, My! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: We are under attack! Man your stations! I mean, Dog your stations!

Me: I have never understood this. This is a bucket. This is a mop. This is a broom. What is the problem?

Doodlebug: We are outnumbered!

Sweetie: Yeah, we can’t count on the cat.

MoonCat: Why should I interfere when those things clean up bulldog dirt?

Doodlebug: And I’m not sure which side Lady Human is on.

Sweetie: Look out! That broom thing has swept up some spilled food! Don’t worry! I’ll save you!

Me: Save food by eating it? Okay, I guess.

Sweetie: Y’all can keep that other crumbly stuff.

Doodlebug: Yeah, we’ll arrange to track more in later.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Grumble Faces – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: What’s with all the grumble faces?

Sweetie: Are you calling us ugly?

Me: By no means, but you do look a little serious.

Sweetie: Doodlebug! Maybe now is the time to present her with all our complaints…uh… requests.

MoonCat: Grumble faces? That must be a human and dog problem. I always wear the same face. That way no one can tell what I’m thinking. Keep ’em guessing.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Cardboard Box Domination – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why is Sweetie so loud, Lady Human?

Me: She is wrestling the big cardboard box into submission.

Sweetie: Grrrrr! Arrgghh! You’re not the boss of me! Grrrrrrrr!

MoonCat: I’ve never seen such a fuss over a cardboard box.

Me: I’ve seen you love lots of boxes in your time.

MoonCat: Yes, but gently, like old friends. Places where I could retreat to solitude and be hidden away from loud, obnoxious bulldogs.

Sweetie: No box gets by with locking me out! Grrrr! Down with those cardboard walls! Arrgghh!

Doodlebug: Well, not a box anymore.

MoonCat: Nope. Just a flat cardboard mess.

Sweetie: All right, Lady Human. When does the next cardboard box delivery get here? I’m ready.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Human Blunders – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Fess up, Lady Human! What did you do today?

Me: Do? I made some macaroni salad and washed your bedding and…

Sweetie: She’s pretending she doesn’t know. What did you do…TO THE SUN?

Me: Oh, that! I didn’t have anything to do with that. That was a total eclipse. Completely out of my control.

Doodlebug: I suppose you’re going to say that the Great Creator took the sun away and made the sky go dark.

Sweetie: When it wasn’t supposed to! Right when I had scheduled my sunbath!

Me: Well, as a matter of fact…

Doodlebug: I’ve heard enough! Humans! Always blaming someone else for the problems they cause.

MoonCat: I don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Your silly sun is back. Besides, darkness is a much more enjoyable time of day. So many places to sneak around and hide in.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bribery, Trickery, and Deceit – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Okay, what are you up to, Lady Human?

Me: Up to? Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: I saw you fooling around with our softie food. You hid something in it, didn’t you?

Me: Would I do that?

Doodlebug: Absolutely!

Sweetie: Yes, without question!

MoonCat: Do I even need to answer that?

Me: Don’t you want this wonderful smelling treat? Mmmm! It’s so good. It’s your favorite!

Sweetie: It does smell good.

Doodlebug: It does look good.

MoonCat: Ask the question, bulldogs. What’s the catch?

Sweetie: Is this a bribe?

Doodlebug: Yeah, you want us to do something we wouldn’t do otherwise.

Sweetie: But it does look good.

Doodlebug: And it does smell good. Oh, all right. Give it here.

Sweetie: Mmmm. Is there any more?

Me: Not right now.

MoonCat: You all sold out cheap.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

It’s in the Can – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s on the menu?

Me: Pretty much the same as always.

Doodlebug: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Little crunchy brown balls and your attempt at cooking.

Sweetie: Where’s the good stuff?

Me: What good stuff?

Sweetie: You know. The delicious softie food that comes off the round metal thing that digs it out of the other round metal thing.

Me: You mean the big spoon with the canned food?

Doodlebug: Everything’s better if it comes from a can.

MoonCat: Cat wisdom from down through the years. I’m glad the bulldogs have caught up.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Little Slow on the Uptake – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you dancing for, Sweetie?

Sweetie: Lady Human finally figured it out, the reason for my discontent. Yay!

Doodlebug: Oh, I knew that! You got your sleep blanket all wet. That’s what happens when you keep dipping it in your water bowl and then wipe your big wet face on it.

MoonCat: Sorry to have to say it out loud, but DUH!

Sweetie: But she’s fixed it now with a dry one and I forgive her. She’s a human after all and they can’t help being a little slow on the uptake.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Wouldn’t a Bulldog Do? – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m Sweetie. Hello.

Me: Hello yourself. After all the things I’ve seen y’all do over the years, is there something you can say a bulldog would not do?

Doodlebug: Hmmm. Nope. Nothing.

Sweetie: Nope. I’m pretty much open to anything.

Me: Nothing you wouldn’t eat?

Doodlebug: Given the chance, I’ll chomp down on whatever. Hey, even if not given the chance, I’ll go for it!

Sweetie: After I inspect it for aroma and taste, yeah. Then I’ll chomp down on it. You can’t be too careful nowadays.

MoonCat: What about rocks? Would you eat rocks?

Doodlebug: What flavor?

MoonCat: It almost goes without saying, Lady Human, but here it is. Stupid is as bulldog does.

Copyright 2024 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Man Cave – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Thank you, Lady Human, for making my special man cave. It is so warm and cozy, covered with soft blankets.

Sweetie: Oh, is that what stinks?

Doodlebug: It smells like me. Regal and masculine.

MoonCat: Don’t expect me to visit.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Cozy Chair Supremacy – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. This is not about the Big Blue Chair again, is it?

Sweetie: Everything is about the Big Blue Chair. Unless it’s about something else that I want.

Me: Look. The chair is mine. I don’t mind letting you use it when I’m elsewhere, but we can’t both fit in it at the same time.

Doodlebug: No problem. It’s too tall anyway.

MoonCat: No argument here. It smells like bulldog anyway.

Sweetie: I don’t mind sharing MY chair with you, Lady Human, but you’re going to have to shrink your bottom some to accommodate both of us and I have always first dibs.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

No Halfway – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Let me say at the outset that I never do anything wrong, but if I ever did, I would do it without holding back. Just like Sweetie is doing to Lady Human’s big blue chair.

Me: What? Oh, Sweetie! No!

Sweetie: Hmmm?

Me: The arm of my chair is soaked with your mouth drool! How long have you been licking there? It couldn’t be wetter if someone poured water on it.

Sweetie: Thank you for noticing, Lady Human. Whatever I do, it’s 110% or nothing. No halfway for me.

Doodlebug: And I think with that said, I’m going to take a nap.

MoonCat: Yes. I’m for doing nothing, too.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Falling Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something very sad is happening. The sky is falling apart. Little pieces of it are falling to the ground. I have always liked looking at the sky, but now it is going away. I shall miss it.

Me: The sky is not falling.

Doodlebug: I beg to differ. Look. Watch out that it doesn’t hit you.

MoonCat: Meow. I don’t go outside. Problem solved.

Me: What you are seeing are snow flurries, tiny ice crystals. I know you don’t remember, but we have seen them before.

Doodlebug: Wait. Snow. I’ve heard that word before.

Sweetie: And it covered the ground and swallowed our feet where we walked. NOOOO!

Me: It’ll be all right. There may not be that much this time.

Doodlebug: NOOOO! Swallowed feet!

Sweetie: NOOOO! Swallowed poop!

MoonCat: Now you see why I’m happy inside.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Recycling Architect – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Sweetie is tearing up something! I don’t know why and I don’t know what.

Sweetie: Grrrrr! Move! Move! There! There!

Me: Oh, Sweetie. What are you doing in a cardboard box? I was going to put that out for the recycle people.

Sweetie: Grrrr! No need, ma’am. I’m recycling it myself. Repurposing. Reconditioning. All those fancy words the humans use, well, I’m DOING IT! BEHOLD! My new bedroom!

Me: Well…I’m…impressed. You knocked down one side of the box and dragged a blanket into it and made it just the right size for a new bed? In addition to the other two beds you already have. Okay. Why?

Sweetie: This is who I am. This is what I do. I’m not just a bulldog toilet engineer. Now I’m a bulldog architect. Don’t waste cardboard. Give it to me! I will reuse it! Wait. Look. There’s a plastic box over there! ANOTHER PROJECT! WOO HOO!

MoonCat: Meow. All right. Everyone hide. The bulldog has lost it.

Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Private Property – No Cats Allowed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, intruder alert!

Me: Oh, no. What now?

Sweetie: The cat has moved into my sleeping space!

MoonCat: It was unoccupied, so I took advantage of the vacancy.

Me: Well, Sweetie, you were sleeping on your special pad, so…

Sweetie: So she just parks herself wherever, whenever? How disorderly! How…catlike!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Fuss Budgets – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop looking at me!

Sweetie: I’m not looking at you. Do you think you’re that good-looking? How conceited!

Doodlebug: I’m not conceited! You are!

Sweetie: No, you are!

Doodlebug: No, you are!

MoonCat: Meow. No, you both are!

Me: What in the world is going on? I’ve never heard so much noise.

Doodlebug: It’s their fault. They won’t stop talking.

Sweetie: No, Doodle started it. He thinks he’s the king.

Doodlebug: I am the King.

MoonCat: You’re not the king of me!

Me: Cut it out, y’all! What a bunch of fussing over nothing. Next you’ll be fussing at me.

Sweetie: Patience, Lady Human! Wait your turn! We’ll get around to you!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The All-Day Breakfast Club – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Good breakfast, Lady Human! Another, please.

Sweetie: Same here, please.

MoonCat: Meow. For once, and for this one time only, mind you, I agree with the bulldogges. Keep it coming.

Me: Uh, how about ‘no’? You all ate just a very short time ago. We do not eat all day long.

Doodlebug: What do you mean ‘we do not’? I do.

Sweetie: So do you, Lady Human. I’ve seen how many times you go to that cold air box and pull out stuff that you shove into your mouth.

MoonCat: Meow. Yep. Come on. Fair is fair.

Sweetie: We’ll make it easy for you. Just set it out…

Doodlebug: In three bowls. No sharing!

MoonCat: Meow. We’ll handle the timing on our own.

Doodlebug: Now that those details are settled, I hereby declare the All-Day Breakfast Club to be permanently in session.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.