I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Hey, y’all, I need my bed back.
Sweetie: You’ve got a whole side all to yourself.
Doodlebug: Yeah, we don’t encroach.
Sweetie: Of course, we could share with someone else. MoonCat?
MoonCat: My bed only has one side. MINE!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Ahhh. Cozy.
Doodlebug: I could stay here in bed all day.
Me: You just about have. I’ve been up for hours. I’d like to have my bed back.
Sweerie: Your bed?
Doodlebug: That’s rather selfish.
MoonCat: Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we invite bulldogs into our sleeping arrangements.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Hello, Lady Human!
Me: What are y’all doing on my bed?
Doodlebug: Is this your bed?
Sweetie: We’re just visiting.
Me: You’ve never wanted to be up there before.
Sweetie: We wanted to see what the world looks like from way up here. It’s really comfy. I think we will stay. Hey, MoonCat, want to share?
MoonCat: I prefer my single bed to stay bulldog-free, thank you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Point of disorder, Lady Human! MoonCat is lounging in my sleeping space!
MoonCat: Point of order, ma’am! I am lounging in my sleeping space.
Me: I have seen you both lounging in that space at the same time.
Doodlebug: Double point of disorder! It is my sleeping space. Let me in there.
Me: Doodle, never have I seen you in that space.
Doodlebug: I am the King. I am claiming this space. Plus I’m bigger than everybody else. So there!
MoonCat: Does bulldog disorder never end?
Me: Apparently not.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Service, please!
Me: Already?
Doodlebug: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. My bed blankets need changing.
Me: I just gave you clean blankets last night.
Doodlebug: Yes, but these smell yucky now.
Sweetie: Yeah, they smell like him.
MoonCat: Need I say more?
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you dancing for, Sweetie?
Sweetie: Lady Human finally figured it out, the reason for my discontent. Yay!
Doodlebug: Oh, I knew that! You got your sleep blanket all wet. That’s what happens when you keep dipping it in your water bowl and then wipe your big wet face on it.
MoonCat: Sorry to have to say it out loud, but DUH!
Sweetie: But she’s fixed it now with a dry one and I forgive her. She’s a human after all and they can’t help being a little slow on the uptake.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Thank you, Lady Human, for making my special man cave. It is so warm and cozy, covered with soft blankets.
Sweetie: Oh, is that what stinks?
Doodlebug: It smells like me. Regal and masculine.
MoonCat: Don’t expect me to visit.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Me: All right. Here we are again. Why are you sitting on that piece of cardboard instead of your pile of comfy blankets or your padded bed or your big red cushion?
Sweetie: Allow me to explain, bulldog style. First, bring that very large open box over here.
Me: To put one cardboard box on top of a flattened cardboard box?
Sweetie nods.
Me: Now you are tapping the big red cushion which means you want that moved to the new cardboard box.
Sweetie nods.
Me: There. Per your command.
Sweetie: Naturally. Ahhhh. Nothing like efficient bulldog management.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Sweetie is tearing up something! I don’t know why and I don’t know what.
Sweetie: Grrrrr! Move! Move! There! There!
Me: Oh, Sweetie. What are you doing in a cardboard box? I was going to put that out for the recycle people.
Sweetie: Grrrr! No need, ma’am. I’m recycling it myself. Repurposing. Reconditioning. All those fancy words the humans use, well, I’m DOING IT! BEHOLD! My new bedroom!
Me: Well…I’m…impressed. You knocked down one side of the box and dragged a blanket into it and made it just the right size for a new bed? In addition to the other two beds you already have. Okay. Why?
Sweetie: This is who I am. This is what I do. I’m not just a bulldog toilet engineer. Now I’m a bulldog architect. Don’t waste cardboard. Give it to me! I will reuse it! Wait. Look. There’s a plastic box over there! ANOTHER PROJECT! WOO HOO!
MoonCat: Meow. All right. Everyone hide. The bulldog has lost it.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, intruder alert!
Me: Oh, no. What now?
Sweetie: The cat has moved into my sleeping space!
MoonCat: It was unoccupied, so I took advantage of the vacancy.
Me: Well, Sweetie, you were sleeping on your special pad, so…
Sweetie: So she just parks herself wherever, whenever? How disorderly! How…catlike!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, something strange has happened to my bed…again. Someone sneaked a new pad in while I was minding my own business outside.
Me: I did that. Sweetie has a new one, too. And MoonCat. I figured a little extra padding is never a bad thing, especially with winter on its way. Look! Sweetie and MoonCat are already snoring on theirs.
Doodlebug: So you think it is okay if I touch mine? I mean, I still have the old one. I found out that it wouldn’t swallow my feet.
Me: This one won’t either.
Doodlebug: Are you sure?
Me: Yep. Just chalk it up to human intuition. You’ll be fine.
Doodlebug: Based on y’all’s track record, I don’t chalk much good up to human intuition at all.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Have you reconsidered your hesitancy about your new sleeping pad?
Doodlebug: Does hesitancy mean fear?
Me: Sometimes. But it can also mean caution. Maybe if you would just try it…
Doodlebug: So it could swallow me up and suck me into a cave in the ground? NO! THANK YOU!
Me: Once again, allow me to say, THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!
Doodlebug: We shall see.
Me: Yes, we certainly shall. Meanwhile…
Doodlebug: Meanwhile, since you went to all the trouble to get it for me, I will politely place one paw on the edge of it. Just one. Just on the edge.
Me: That’s all I ask. Just try it. You’ll like it.
Doodlebug: We shall see. But if it grabs my foot, we shall see a new sleeping pad torn into tiny little pieces as it so richly deserves.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh-oh!
Sweetie: “Uh-oh” is right! This is most distressing! Lady Human! Something unidentified has showed up in our sleep spaces!
Me: Yeah! Great, right?
Doodlebug: That’s not what I would call them.
Sweetie: What do we call them?
MoonCat: I would call them new sleep cushions. Anyone would call them that. Ugh. Dogs are so dumb.
Me: Yeah. For extra padding and insulation now that it’s started to get cooler.
Doodlebug: Doesn’t smell like me.
Me: Well, not yet, but give it 5 seconds.
Sweetie: I’m not sure. I think it makes me itchy.
Me: It’s brand new. Nobody’s ever used them before. Oh, Doodlebug, you aren’t even trying yours.
Doodlebug: I trust the floor. It won’t swallow me up and fly me away while I’m asleep.
Me: The pad won’t either. That could never happen.
Sweetie: Says the human, and we all know how smart they are.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 