Chicken Guardian – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I have been giving this possum situation some thought.

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: The chickens need a guardian and I’m it.

Doodlebug: What about me? I’m the King.

Sweetie: Sure, if you want to sit with me outside the Chicken House all night every night.

Doodlebug: Well, let’s not be unreasonable.

MoonCat: No, let’s never be that. Which is why I’ll maintain my cushy bed inside and happily welcome all reasonable bulldogs back inside when they tire of guard duty after ten minutes.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Oh, Possum, Not Again! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there is a peculiar scent on the air. It’s…it’s…

Sweetie: It’s POSSUM! Not in my yard!

Me: I don’t think it’s here right now. Probably went after chicken eggs last night.

Sweetie: No! Can’t have my chickens or their eggs!

Me: Your chickens?

Sweetie: My ground, my chickens. This is bulldog territory.

Doodlebug: Possums can’t just waltz in here like they own the place. Who do they think they are?

MoonCat: Well done, possum. Anything that can irritate bulldogs this much earns my admiration.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Big Game Hunting – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:        Why are you whispering?

Stella:    SHHHHH! Sorry, that was loud. Shhhhh! Quiet!

Me:        Why are we whispering then?

Stella:    I am big game hunting. Hunters must be silent and stealthy.

Me:        Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Squirrels?

Stella:    Phhhffft. I said BIG game hunting. Squirrels? Big game? Please.

Me:        Are you hunting rats?

Stella:    What part of ‘big’ don’t you understand, Lady Human?

Me:        I’ve seen some good-sized rodents in my time.

Stella:    Bulldog sized?

Me:        Honestly, no. So, are you hunting a raccoon?

Stella:    Nope.

Me:        A possum?

Stella:    Nope.

Me:        Please say that you are not hunting a skunk.

Stella:    Lady Human, really. Do we ever have raccoons, possums, or skunks in the house?

Me:        No. Praise the LORD!

Stella:    What is the only other non-bulldog animal in the house that I could be hunting?

Me:        My parakeet, Pearl? No, surely not sweet little Pearl.

Stella:    What? A bird? No! Yuck! I said BIG GAME! I am hunting Moon the Cat. Shhhhh!

Me:        Oh, you are hunting the cat. I see…

Stella:    Shhhhh! I know where she is hiding.

Me:        Where?

Stella:    There, under the couch.

Me:        Nope.

Stella:    What do you mean? She is right there. I can smell her.

Me:        Yeah, she moved on from that spot about 30 minutes ago.

Stella:    Then what is that shadow? Aaaaggghh! Is it a giant insect that smells like a cat?

Me:        I think you are looking at a couch leg.

Stella:    It’s not the cat?

Me:        No, sorry.

Stella:    How am I ever going to be a big game hunter if I can’t track a simple cat?

Me:        For one thing, Moon is not what I would call ‘big game’.

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Stella:    She is the biggest animal here.

Me:        She weighs about 25 pounds. You weigh 50 pounds. Do the math.

Stella:    I am a bulldog. I don’t like math.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.