No Tail to Wag – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, that dog.

Me: What dog?

Sweetie: That dog walking down the road with that long tail.

Doodlebug: Yeah, a long skinny tail like a curved stick that he whacks against things as he passes by.

Sweetie: How come we don’t have tails to wag?

Me: You have tails and you wag them. I see you do it. They’re just not long.

Sweetie: How come? No, don’t tell me. Humans did something to our tails.

Me: Yeah. Bulldog breeding took a few bad turns through the years and your tails corkscrewed and caused you some problems, and well, long story short, you have short tails.

Sweetie: Then buy me a long tail! Humans buy everything. Buy me a long tail that I can whack on things with.

MoonCat: Oh, my, what could possibly go wrong with that?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Wagging Tongues – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Ugh. Wagging tongues!

Sweetie: I’m not wagging my tongue. I save all wagging for my tail.

Doodlebug: My tongue licks. Hands and faces and food and other stuff I can reach…

Me: Yeah, I get the picture. No, I’m put out because some wagging human tongues can’t seem to stay still and they cause trouble.

Sweetie: Give them sticky treats that will glue their mouths shut.

Dioodlebug: Or give them something to wag instead of their tongues.

MoonCat: My rule to avoid trouble: Keep your tongue firmly in your mouth and your long curvy tail wrapped comfortably around your own body. No wagging allowed.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.