I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What have I told y’all? Now, for the umpteenth time, keep your noses out of the kitchen trash.
Sweetie: Umpteenth. Is that a special time of day?
Doodlebug: I think it’s one of those made-up words that only humans like.
MoonCat: Umpteenth sounds sort of iffy. Avoid it umpteen times.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I need to go out, Lady Human!
Me: Okay, my hands are full. In a jiffy!
Sweetie: Jiffy? Where?
Me: It means in a fraction of a second.
Doodlebug: A second?
Me: (snapping fingers) Like that quick. Quicker than you can imagine. So quick that…
Doodlebug: Uh-oh.
MoonCat: I think we passed the jiffy point.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, where is our food, please?
Me: Oh, yeah, it’s about that time, isn’t it?
Sweetie: Oh, not that “time” thing again.
Me: Well, it’s on schedule.
Sweetie: But the other day, you changed the “time” when we ate, so this “schedule” thing must not be all that.
Doodlebug: And a bag of potato chips. Are potato chips on the “schedule” thing? ‘Cause I wouldn’t mind it if they were. Wonderful things, potato chips.
MoonCat: Wonderful things – regular meals and never being really hungry. Don’t forget the important stuff. And the occasional can of tunafish.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I’ll be ready to play in a few minutes. Let me spend a little more time on this project.
Sweetie: What happened to all that time you saved the other day. Spend that and play now.
Me: That’s not exactly how it works.
Sweetie: It never is how humans say it is, is it, Lady Human?
MoonCat: It took a long time for you to figure that out, didn’t it?
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay, to save some time later, I’m going to feed y’all now.
Sweetie: If you do it now, how does that save time later?
Me: Well, true. The time is still spent.
Sweetie: This time thing has gotten out of control, Lady Human. Now it’s changing when we eat! EATING! THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER!
Doodlebug: And isn’t “spent” what you did with that serious stuff you call “money”?
MoonCat: I can tell this conversation is going to take some time.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You have dodged my question, Lady Human. What is time? And what does it have to do with those boxes in your hands or those circles on the wall with moving sticks stuck on them?
Doodlebug: I do like the one with the skinny red moving stick that goes around and around and around…
Sweetie: Yes, I know. Tedious.
Me: You know how the sky gets dark and then it gets light again. Well, people measure time on earth by how fast the earth turns in front of the sun. So if a clock says 8 a.m., we have a good idea how much light there is left in the day.
Sweetie: So the clock is time.
Me: No, clocks measure time here on earth and the time it tells is different depending on where you are.
Sweetie: Tedious.
Me: You have no idea.
MoonCat: Yeah, I have an idea, just by listening to y’all talk about it.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Why do humans talk about what time it is? What is time?
Me: If you want the scientific explanation, I’m not really qualified to give it.
Sweetie: If ” scientific” means human, no, thank you. I want the real answer.
MoonCat: The real answer? You can’t handle the real answer.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What happened, Lady Human?
Me: What happened to what?
MoonCat: Don’t get her started, ma’am. You know these questions never make sense.
Sweetie: What happened to all the good ole days?
MoonCat: I warned you.
Doodlebug: Sweetie’s just bored.
Sweetie: I never used to be bored back in the good ole days.
Me: Why can’t these be the good new days?
Sweetie: You tell me, Lady Human. You’re the one in charge of entertainment.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you all have fouled things up again.
Me: Whatever do you mean?
MoonCat: Meow. Dinnertime. Late. Fix it. Now.
Me: Well, I’ve been going by the time change, so, yes, I guess mealtimes seem late the last few days.
Doodlebug: Seem? There’s no seem about it. Where’s the food?
Me: Since it’s been getting a little darker earlier and the time changed, you all have been eating at different times so…
Sweetie: I’m not talking about what WE have been doing. I’m talking about what YOU have been doing. How come meals are late?
MoonCat: Meow. We have been patient.
Sweetie: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. You humans have been fooling around with the sun again. Telling us when it will rise and when it will set.
Doodlebug: Yeah, as though you know!
MoonCat: I know this. Hungry. Food. Give it. NOW!
Outright 2023 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
And I am Sweetie, Queen of all dogs everywhere.
MoonCat: Meow.
Me: Why haven’t y’all eaten your food?
Doodlebug: It was served way too early.
Me: I brought it at the same time I bring your afternoon meal every day. 3 p.m. The clock doesn’t lie.
Sweetie: Clock? What is “clock” and why is she telling me when to eat?
Me: A clock tells time in hours, minutes, and seconds.
MoonCat: Meow. Sounds complicated.
Doodlebug: Yeah, my stomach tells me when to eat. Simple.
Me: Well, the clock tells me when to do things. It’s a tyrant.
Sweetie: Another weird human word. What is a tyrant?
Me: A tyrant is an oppressor that orders everybody else around.
Doodlebug: Oh, why didn’t you say so? I understand now.
Sweetie: Yeah, Lady Human! It’s a perfect description of you. You’re a clock!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 