I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, if you have a nose, use it.
Me: Sound advice.
Doodlebug: Don’t overuse it.
Me: Where do you draw the line?
MoonCat: I draw the line at taking advice from bulldogs.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Oooo, smell that, Lady Human.
Me: Smell what? I don’t smell anything.
Sweetie: You need a bigger nose.
Me: My nose is plenty big.
Sweetie: Can you smell the chicken poop outside right now?
Me: Thankfully, no.
Doodlebug: A big nose like ours would solve that problem.
MoonCat: That’s a problem? I’ll stick with my little nose, thank you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What’s going on, y’all?
Sweetie: You tell us. You’re the human in the room.
Me: Your noses are twitching to beat the band.
Doodlebug: What is a band and why would I want to beat it?
Me: I mean you are obviously scenting something and, poor inadequate nose that I have, I don’t smell a thing out of the ordinary.
Sweetie: Someone is cooking outside.
Doodlebug: A human is walking with a dog nearby.
Sweetie: The chickens have laid their eggs.
Doodlebug: You have put on clean clothes.
MoonCat: Yes, I particularly noticed that last one. Thank you so much.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, just how weak is your nose? Can you smell what I’m thinking?
Me: Uh…no. Sometimes I can look at you and tell what you are thinking. Like when you are side glancing at your empty food bowl.
Doodlebug: Seeing is fine. Smelling is so much better.
Sweetie: Yeah, smelling can tell you things eyes never can, like whether or not someone is likeable or trustworthy or kind. Or interesting.
MoonCat: Or if they have treats in their pocket. Admit it, bulldogs. That’s what’s really interesting to you.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a very limited notion of what bulldogs’ noses are good for.
Me: They’re not good stick holders. I know that.
Sweetie: But they scent a whole bunch more than human noses can. Like ka-billions and ka-billions times more.
Me: I don’t know what a “ka-billion” is, but yes, a whole lot more than humans.
Doodlebug: It was all part of the Great Creator’s plan.
Sweetie: Yes, He wanted us to rule the world with our noses.
Me: No, I’m for sure and certain it wasn’t for that.
MoonCat: In the great list of superpowers, I don’t see bulldog noses even near the top of the list.
©️ 2025.H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Sweetie, what is sticking out of your nose?
Sweetie: I don’t know. A stick?
Me: Hold still. Yuck. How did that get in there?
Sweetie: I don’t know. Someone put it there.
Me: Yes. Someone named Sweetie. We do not pick up sticks with our noses.
Sweetie: It was just a little one. Now you’re blaming me for having a stick in my own nose. How rude!
Me: Noses are for breathing. Not for jamming things into. Take it easy when you go nasal exploring.
Sweetie: I’ll consider it.
MoonCat: Too little, too late.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What’s that smell?
Sweetie: What smell? I don’t smell a smell.
MoonCat: Don’t ask a bulldog, Lady Human. Their noses are stunted.
Me: If I can smell that, surely a dog can.
Doodlebug: Are you insulting our nasal capabilities?
Sweetie: How rude!
Me: Forgive me. I’ll just go ask a bloodhound for an opinion, shall I? If I can find one.
Sweetie: We can’t help it that you sniff better than we do.
Doodlebug: Yeah, we are simple bulldogs. Not everybody can have a big ole long pointy nose like yours, ma’am.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 